AMY HOLMES DITCHES MARIJUANA PROTEST TO VISIT THE CABIN

by Jacky Jasper

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, keynote speaker Sean Hannity was met with an enormous applause, after giving his speech. Dick Cheney was a part of that audience when he was heard telling Michael Steel, “You’re running our good party to the ground, and we all know you’re stealing money. Would you like to go hunting with me?” Before Michael could answer, Bill O’Reilly rudely interrupted the gentlemen. “Come on guys you can’t miss this. Follow me to the ballroom,” O’ Reilly said. “Lionel Richie is playing the piano while James Earl Jones sings Ol’ Man River.”

In Seattle, Amy Holmes was complaining about the marijuana dispensaries. Because Amy couldn’t take it anymore, she has decided to leave the good state of Washington for a place where she knows she belongs.

Back at the cabin, Ann Coulter was delivering her speech and her. “How can this happen?” Ann asked the crowd. “A man who once served Bill Clinton his coffee, is now the president of our great country!” the crowd cheered as they responded with a standing ovation.

On the other side of the cabin compound, LeVar Burton was dressed as Kunta Kinte “I’s a free man…I’s a free man,” LeVar exclaimed. This while Bill O’Reilly tears up in laughter, attracting Senator Lindsey Graham to his side. “Bill are you okay,” asked Senator Graham. “I’m I okay,” replied Bill. “I’m having the best days of my life at this retreat…Rupert Murdoch is a genius!”

Meanwhile, Amy Holmes was traveling to the cabin on a Harley motorcycle, because she refused to use airports or fly on planes. Know why? Because she’s afraid of the terrorist mane! So, she brought her motorcycle up to a speed that’s faster than Robbie Knievel’s, with Uncle Tom’s Cabin on her mind…

Meanwhile, festivities were well underway at the cabin, with Tyler Perry dressed in drag as Madea… doing the Worm dance on the cabin’s front lawn. This while Toby Keith was dressed as Tarzan, and T-Pain was suited in a monkey costume. That’s when Dick Cheney walked over to Toby. “Can I borrow your ape friend tomorrow?’ Dick asked. “There’s going to be some missing Negroes I’m taking Michael Steele with me… and if you’re kind enough, your little ape buddy can tag along.” Before Toby could answer Cheney, acting human porch monkey, Wayne Brady jumped up. Apparently, Wayne heard a loud Bike engine before he screamed, “Mr.Beck…Mr.Beck, somebody is arriving!” Wayne quickly handed Beck his binoculars. “You’re getting smart boy,” said Beck as he looked through his binoculars. “Go fetch Mr. Limbaugh and tell him Amy Holmes is here,” ordered Beck.

As Amy got off her Harley, Glenn Beck rushed to greet her, and the two shook hands. “What a beautiful piece of property,” said Amy. Ann Coulter also greeted Amy by handing her a plate of cooked cow testicles smothered in gravy and a slice of cornbread, with a lemonade Snapple to wash it down. “Rush Limbaugh told me to give you this,” said Ann. Amy smiled and screamed “This place is paradise.”

Can you guess who will be the next female guest to arrive at Uncle Tom’s Cabin? Tune in tomorrow to find out mane…

VIEW THE ENTIRE “UNCLE TOM’S CABIN” ARCHIVE HERE!