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Uncle Toms Cabin

Stephen Hill Checks Into Uncle Tom’s Cabin…

February 22nd, 2013

Uncle Toms Cabin 2013 Day 5

Day 5 At The Cabin…

Wayne LaPierre is dressed like Davy Crockett, walking his prisoner Byron Allen – attached with bells and chain – in front of the plantation patio, screaming “This Hollywood showboating Negro was dressed like Abraham Lincoln on Presidents Day, and he’s going to trial!” With a set of solid grins across their faces, the Fox News team cheered on, as Brit Hume screamed “LaPierre for President!”

Meanwhile, on the east side of the plantation grounds…the Negroes who are suited up like sword fighters in their skinny jeans, are popping Molly and looking to their female counterparts.

Those “ladies” are all dressed up and parading the cabins grounds like $2 prostitutes.

The sounds of “My Clique” filled the air — when suddenly, the record was scratched and the voice of the funkiest Pakistani “DJ Khaled” was screaming into the microphone. “We the Best!” Then, Khaled dropped “Pop That” and the house Negroes went crazy. That’s when Khaled grabbed his mic and said, “Look up to the sky! The YMCMB princess is about to arrive!Continue Reading…

Music’s Leading Bad Boy Checks In…

February 18th, 2013

Day 4 at 2013 Uncle Tom's Cabin

Day 4…

Retreat attendees are filled with excitement as they celebrate Presidents’ Day. Tea party members and hardcore right wing republicans have chosen to commemorate by dressing up as America’s founding fathers.

Senators John McCain, Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham quickly discover all three of them are suited up as the same President, George Washington — after the trio bumped into each other on the cabin’s patio. McCain took a step back before addressing Graham and McConnell.

“Great minds think alike!” McConnell chuckled, as Senator Lindsey Graham turned around to notice Byron Allen walking the cabin grounds, dressed like Abraham Lincoln. “That boy over there is dressed like one of the founding fathers and I don’t like it one bit,” Graham exclaimed. “It makes me sick to my stomach!”

Meanwhile… Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin Continues…

February 13th, 2013

Day 3 @ Uncle Tom's Cabin Retreat 2013

Day 3 @ The 2013 Retreat

The plantation’s attendees are filled with joy – as members of the Tea Party, Fox News, and the Republican party are celebrating their favorite time in American history — which most of us would love to forget.

Sean Hannity and his filmmaker buddy Glenn Beck are gearing up to begin the filming of their movie “Fistful of Apes“. They’ve got the perfect backdrop, but there’s one problem — there’s still few Negroes to cast. As the pair stood on the grounds brainstorming, Bill O’Reilly walked over to them. That’s when Hannity and Beck notices the Fox Newsman was dressed
like Steve Irwin, holding a megaphone in his right hand. Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin Welcomes Rapping Correctional Officer To Plantation

February 7th, 2013

Rick Ross Checks into 2013 Cabin Retreat

Maybach Music’s Rick Ross Takes It Back To The 1800’s!

It’s the second at the cabin retreat…The plantation’s shindig has attracted Fox News faces and popular republican figures from all over the country, as they honor their 1865 America.

Senator Mitch McConnell is dressed like President James Madison, holding an M1 assault riffle as he speaks into the microphone. “Gather ’round folks! Before the Negroes arrive, I’ll like to say Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is going to space and I say he take his Muslim buddy Barack with him!” McConnell paused as the crowd rose to their feet to clap and cheer. McConnell then continued to speak to a growing crowd of raging republicans. “I’m the Cabin’s host this year and my friend – and yours – Vice President of the NRA Wayne LaPierre will be my go to guy if there’s any disturbance on these grounds.” Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat 2013 Kicks Off!

February 4th, 2013

Uncle Toms Cabin Retreat 2013 Kick Off Party

Attendees To Revamp Slave Movie History…

The doors to Uncle Tom’s Cabin may be wide open for this year’s NRA/Fox News jointly sponsored celebration, but Herman Cain is the only leading silly Negro that’s made it to the plantation grounds for the first day of festivities. Know why? Because most of Cain’s compardres are just now making their way from New Orleans after partying at the Superdome for Super Bowl 2013.

You may remember Bill O’Reilly closed last year’s retreat, urging attendees to “Vote Romney!”. Now, one year later, the plantation grounds are flourishing with more cotton, bearing more watermelon patches — and housing additional alligators, more mosquitoes and apparently newly-rabid rats! Continue Reading…

The 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin BET Jamboree Finale

February 29th, 2012

It’s the last day at the cabin

The CMT (Cabin’s Most Talented Award) ceremony is coming to an end. Following Miranda Lambert’s performance, Bill O’Reilly proceeds to the stage to accept his well-deserved crown. The Fox Newsman receives a standing ovation for putting together the CMT award show. O’Reilly proudly approaches the microphone before saying, “If BET can have an award show without us, why can’t we have an award show without them?!?

Rush Limbaugh immediately jumped out of his seat and shouted, “You tell them Bill!” O’Reilly pulls a mono-gram encrusted handkerchief out of his suit jacket to wipe his forehead while saying, “The two gay marines who got caught kissing on Facebook…Sgt. Brandon Morgan and his gay lover Dalan Wells, are an embarrassment to our army! I made some calls and those queers have been served with discharge papers!” The crowd promptly rose to their feet. Once they started to calm down Toby Keith jumped out of his seat and started yelling, “Let’s lynch the Negroes and the fags!” O’Reilly smiled and continued to speak, “Tonight, Senator Mitt Romney will be singing ‘America the Beautiful’ at the BET Spring Break…we need the Negro vote, and then we can stop Obama! To ensure we land Latino votes, I told them tonight they can share the stage with the Negroes. I also told JLO to make sure she wears a dress that will reveal her nipples.

That’s when Newt Gingrich jumped out of his seat shouting, “Bill, will Jennifer join Callista and I for a threesome?Continue Reading…

Dr Dre & Snoop Dogg Check into the 2012 Cabin Retreat

February 24th, 2012

Dr. Dre and Snoop Vacation

It’s day twelve at the cabin

All of the cabin workers are busy putting the finishing touches on the auditorium, as the stage is being set-up for the BET Spring Break celebration.

Bill O’Reilly is walking the auditorium floor with Clive Davis – when suddenly, the pair come to a stop. O’Reilly turned to the music mogul and says, “Clive, I know McCain wants a huge urban shindig, and there’s nothing wrong with that because I want it too! But Clive, I also want something for our boys and girls to enjoy – So I’ve arranged the CMT Awards right here on the cabin grounds!

Clive Davis began to rub his chin with his right hand before replying. “Bill, what does CMT mean?” O’Reilly smiled as he explained. “Cabin’s Most Talented…oh, and only Caucasian artists can perform! I want to make sure guys like Hank Williams Jr., Toby Keith and Dave Mustaine get some sort of award! Clive, I’m dead serious…I don’t want to see any Ryan Seacrest stuff down here…No Simon Cowell or Glee stuff either. Carrie Underwood will open the show, Miranda Lambert will close it.

Davis immediately removed his glasses. While wiping the lenses of his spectacles clean, he replied, “Are you saying you don’t want any homosexual activity Bill?” O’Reilly pointed his index finger of his left hand at Davis’ face and shouted, You’re damn right!!! Continue Reading…

Love & Hiphop Cast Checks into the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 23rd, 2012

Love & Hiphop Uncle Tom's

It’s day eleven at the cabin

Bill O’Reilly is driving a golf cart, Rick Ross, who is suited up in his CO gear and holding an Uzi  is standing on one side of the moving vehicle, while Shaquille O’Neal stands on the other side of the golf cart, holding a semi-automatic and dressed as a Miami police officer.

O’Reilly pulls the golf cart up to the camp grounds named in honor of Mitt Romney, who is sitting having a picnic along with 30 of his Mormon relatives.

Romney stands up and walks over to the Bill O’Reilly saying, “Bill, nice for you to come by…but what’s with the bodyguards?” O’Reilly pointed his finger in the Governor’s face saying, “Sheriff Paul Babeu is on your team and he’s gay…he’s gay, Mitt..and it’s making our party look bad! That’s why Rick Santorum became the party favorite.” Romney ran his right hand through his hair and replied, “Bill, that’s Arpaio’s man…I figured Joe would have cleaned up this mess for me!” O’Reilly leaned his head to one side and said, “That’s not Joe’s problem…It’s yours, Mitt! Your religious baptisms were performed on dead holocaust Jews..You’re finished!

Mitt Romney’s face turned cherry red. He was about to attack O’Reilly, but correctional officer Rick Ross jumped off the golf cart and punched Romeny in the face (wearing brass knuckles). O’Reilly laughed at Romey saying, “Look at you Mitt, you’re laying on the floor! I disrespected you in front of your family and there’s nothing you can do about it!” O’Reilly drove off in his golf cart with his two negro bodyguards laughing… Continue Reading…

The Ferrari Boys Check into the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 22nd, 2012

Waka Flocka Gucci Mane 2012 Honorees

It’s day ten at the cabin

A Presidents Day celebration is underway. Everyone is partaking in a George Washington with slave contest, sponsored by Coors. Newt Gingrich is dressed as our first president – walking alongside Gingrich is Herman Cain, suited up in slave garb. Senator John McCain is also dressed like George Washington, but beside and him stands Jamie Foxx. Foxx who is sporting the same slave costume he wore in Quentin Tarantino’s movie “Dajango Unchained“. All of the Tea Party ladies are dressed like they’re starring in the movie “Gone With The Wind“.

The ladies are lining both sides of the street, watching the men all march down the roadway with their slaves. Ann Coulter is accompanied by Laura Ingraham – the pair are each holding fans. Ingraham turns to Coulter. “Herman is the best house Negro I’ve ever seen!” Coulter replied, “Laura…listen to me and listen very carefully. Herman may be the best house Negro, but is Newt the best George Washington? I mean…being George Washington means you can control both the slaves and our blessed country – all at the same time. Gringrich can talk the talk, but can he walk the talk?

Ingragham smiled before bursting out in laughter, turning to Coulter. “Ann…there’s our winner!” Both ladies began to laugh hard, after spotting Governor Rick Perry dressed like George Washington, whipping singer Seal. While Governor Perry lashed at the singer with a horse whip, he screamed, “Boy…you should have never raped Heidi Klum!” Governor Perry cracked his whip on Seal’s back several more times. Continue Reading…

Cash Money Records Arrives at the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 19th, 2012

Cash Money Records 2012

It’s day nine at the cabin

Seated in the cabin’s dinning room, Senator John McCain is having a meeting with Governor Chris Christie. Just steps away from the men, Viola Davis pretends to dust the furniture while ease dropping on the pair’s conversation.

As Senator McCain and Governor Christie share a pot of tea, McCain crosses his legs. “I’m going to have the biggest party down here, on the plantation grounds. O’Reilly won the Cabin Commander award three years in a row, but this year, with me organizing the BET Spring Break jamboree, I’ll prove that nobody can control Negroes like me!

Viola Davis immediately left the dinning room. That’s when Governor Christie nodded his head before placing his tea cup on the saucer, saying, “John, in order for our party to regain the people’s trust we must show the Negroes some compassion!

Suddenly, the dining door swung open and an angry Bill O’Reilly entered the room – shouting at Governor Christie. “You get off these grounds now..you’re a Benedict Arnold…you have the nerve to lower the flag for a junkie pop singer…I want you off these grounds now!Continue Reading…

P Diddy Checks into the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 16th, 2012

P Diddy - 2012 Cabin Retreat

It’s day eight at the Cabin

House Negroes are rampant. There is partying across the cabin grounds. Tyler Perry is dressed as Madea, doing hula hoop tricks for Mitch McConnell and John Boehner.

The Speaker of the House, John Boehner, seems to not be amused with Tyler Perry’s antics, and his face is filled with disgust. Boehner reaches into his sports coat to pull out a flask and take a swig from it before addressing Tyler. “You’re not funny to me! Remember, it was the silly negroes who made you rich, not us!

Mitch McConnell noticing Tyler wanted to cry tried to comfort him. “Tyler, don’t listen to him. You’re doing a good job. My grandchildren laugh at you all the time. I can’t speak for John, but I like to see Negro men in dresses!

Not far away, Cee Lo Green is standing by the cabin’s outdoor lavatory – bare foot, sporting a Dashiki while singing his hit song “F*ck You“. This while Bruno Mars is dancing beside him. Bruno is bare-chest and wearing a Hawaiian grass skirt. Continue Reading…

The Braxton’s Check in at the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 15th, 2012

Braxton Family Cabin Vacation

It’s day seven at the cabin

The grounds are buzzing with activity as the entertainment continues. Bill O’Reilly is enjoying the festivities, with his pal and protege Bret Baier. All of a sudden, O’Reilly spots GOP candidate Rick Santorum – who is going into the cabin’s on site barber shop, and says “Bret, let’s walk over to the barber shop. I want to have a little chat with Rick.

Meanwhile, Senator McCain is taking part in a conference phone call with Dick Clark and Clive Davis. That’s when the good Senator laid back in his black leathery office chair, saying “Clive, I want you to bring down everyone who attended your pre-Grammy party.

Dick Clark obviously wanted to voice his opinion, but his voice was overpowered by Clive Davis. “The Negroes are mad at me! They finally figured out I don’t care about them or their legends, and only care about money. I could get the silly Negroes to the cabin…all I have to tell them is that I’m having a party and their silly asses will show up!” Dick Clark, who was still trying to speak his opinion, was again overpowered, this time by Senator McCain who said, “Clive, I know the silly Negroes respect you. If you could get those silly Negroes who attended your pre-Grammy party down here, I’ll be real grateful!” Clive responded, “What’s in it for me?” McCain told him, “Next time our party gets into office, it will be for two presidential terms and you and your family would never have to pay taxes again. Plus, you could do or say whatever you want on Fox News!

Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich is having a drink over at the cabin’s pub, joined by his wife, Callista. All of a sudden, Nene Leaks appears out of nowhere – sliding down a stripper pole and wearing a tutu with a see through G-string. Gingrich smiled and turned to his wife. “Do you think she’ll join us for a threesome?Continue Reading…

Jamie Foxx Checks into the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 11th, 2012

Jamie Foxx - 2012 Honoree
It’s day six at the cabin

Congressman Allen West is wearing a monkey mask while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle. He’s maneuvering the bike to jump through fire loops, while holding a banana in his mouth. Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin are filled with amazement, sparking the pair to applaud.

Sarah Palin is wearing a floppy, ribbon-laced sun hat with a quilted Chanel lamb skin jacket. She turns to Bachmann. “Michele, he’s trying so hard to make us laugh.” Bachmann, who just had her hair done in a style to suit the pound of make-up she’s wearing (making it difficult for her to smile), struggled to reply. “I don’t know about you Sarah, but Dennis Rodman is the silliest Negro I’ve ever met.

Carlos Mencia is standing by the cabin’s picnic area, giving a loud speech. The comedian is suited up in rags for pants and a decorative poncho, as he shouts through a blow horn. “Latinos are sell outs too! I know how to help Governor Perry with the border…Give the Mexicans liquor…Booze always works…Alcohol killed the native Indian. Didn’t it? Why don’t Latinos have television liquor commercials, like Puffy? I want to sell liquor to Mexicans like Puffy sells Ciroc to black people!Continue Reading…

Terrence Howard Checks into the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 9th, 2012

Terrence Howard 2012 Honors

It’s day five at the cabin

Rick Santorum is standing with the Speaker of House John Boehner, as the pair burst out in laughter while looking over the plantation grounds. That’s when Santorum spoke out. “Why can’t America look like this all the time?” Boehner replied, asking “Have you ever seen the movie The Help?” Santorum placed his left hand under his chin. “Yes, I have. It’s an excellent movie! I believe that’s why we’re going to give Octavia Spencer an award this year.

With his right hand, Boehner reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a steel flask to take a drink. “It’s a good tool being used to remind this generation that blacks are nothing but the help. I’m still watching Jack Benny, and I must say Flava Flav has a striking resemblance to Jack’s sidekick Rochester.” Both Boehner and Santorum burst out in laughter…

Meanwhile, over in the cabin’s kitchen Herman Cain is talking to the staff while Viola Davis washes dishes. Cain notices Davis isn’t paying attention. “Viola, you might be up for an Oscar award but this is my kitchen and when I’m talking you better listen!” Viola replied, “Mr. Cain, I just wanna make sure this kitchen is clean when Massa Cheney comes by for inspection.Continue Reading…

Judge Clarence Thomas Checks in for the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 8th, 2012

2012 Uncle Tom's Cabin

It’s day four at the cabin

Karl Rove is walking along with Mitt Romney towards Debra Lee, as Rove comments. “Debra you’ve arranged what could be the best BET Spring Break event ever, here on the cabin grounds. I love that Mitt and I are performing!” Debra smiled, and before she could respond Mitt Romney added his two cents. “I want an all black choir behind me when I sing ‘America The Beautiful’. I also want Cee Lo Green beside me, shaking a pink tambourine.” Rove smirked and chimed in. “Hey Mitt, have Cee Lo playing the piano, while dressed like Elton John…it will land you all the gay votes!

Meanwhile, Herman Cain is sitting with Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney. That’s when Donald looked to Herman Cain to address him. “Hey Herman, what’s troubling you?” Herman replied, “That rapper Coolio was trying to put two scoops of crack cocaine in my watermelon and chicken pizza, and I’m upset!” Cheney replied, “Coolio has drugs on the cabin grounds..,” Rumsfeld took a sip of his coffee and replied “The cabin grounds are expected to be packed with a lot of house Negroes this year. We’re gonna be over populated, so we need a lot of narcotics to keep our Negroes high! A huge prison compound and a good Negro hunt.” Herman said, “I’ve heard what both of you gentlemen have to say, but you both forgot to mention alcohol…Negroes love liquor and bass music! That’s exactly why we need Puffy down here.” Rumsfeld replied, “Herman you get Puffy, and I’ll get sheriff Joe Arpaio!Continue Reading…

Debra Lee and BET Check-in @ Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat 2012

February 3rd, 2012

Debra Lee and BET 2012 Awards
It’s day three at the Cabin…Members of the Tea Party are celebrating the annual festivities. Despite all the fun, Bill O’Reilly seems to be upset. That’s when Sean Hannity approaches his Fox News colleague. As Hannity sits down on a lawn chair facing O’Reilly, he voices his concern. “You’re upset because Donald Trump endorsed Mitt Romney,” says Hannity. “I don’t blame you.” O’Reilly slammed his right hand on the picnic table as he screamed, “The liberals are going to laugh at us! Mitt is not a Christian! He’s a Mormon,” screamed O’Reilly. “They believe in wearing a holy undergarment called Magic Underwear! Romney invented Obama socialized medicine!”

Meanwhile, back in the cabin’s kitchen, Herman Cain is teaching a group of cooks how to make watermelon and chicken pizza. The rapper Coolio is taking down the recipe, wanting to add his secret ingredient of two scoops of crack cocaine.

It’s plain to see Herman Cain runs a hard kitchen, as the former Presidential candidate say, “Coolio…Is that what your mama named you? This is not the studio, and I’m not one of your gang banging friends from South Central,” reasoned Cain. “I don’t want any crack cocaine in this pizza I’m serving…I’m going to report you to Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney!”

Not far away, Governor Haley Barbour, Newt Gingrich and Senator Lindsey Graham are playing an old slave game called “Sos pad or Negro hair“. Haley Barbour is blind-folded, and Gingrich has a Sos pad in his right hand and he’s holding a chuck of Negro hair in his other hand. As Senator Graham is screaming at Barbour, “Tells us which one is the hair of a Negro!!!Continue Reading…

Herman Cain Checks into the Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat 2012

February 2nd, 2012

Herman Cain 2012 Uncle Tom's Cabin

It’s day two at the cabin…Bill O’Reilly is taking an early morning walk with Bret Baier, as both men stop to notice many more Republican and Tea Party members arriving at the cabin grounds. O’Reilly turns to Bret, asking “Have you had a chance to read my book, Killing Lincoln?” Bret replied, “Mr O’Reilly, I’ve read all your books. I want to be just like you!”

As the pair continued to walk, O’Reilly said, “It’s not an easy job Bret, but I’m going to make you my protege.”

Meanwhile, the cabin’s diner is buzzing with activity as Viola Davis and the singer Seal are busy serving Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and Bishop Alexander K. Sample their breakfast meals. As everyone takes in the most important meal of the day, James Earl Jones performs his song of choice “Ol’ Man River”. That’s when Jones is rudely interrupted by Mitt Romney. “Hey Jones, gimmie that microphone,” Romney demanded as he walked to the front of the stage. “We all know the Negroes can sing, for Christ’s sake they all have some sort of talent.”

Onlookers begin to cheer as Romney continues on with his speech.

“Obama can sing Al Green songs and Herman Cain can sing songs about making pizza, but no Negro can sing ‘America The Beautiful’ like me.” Continue Reading…

Allen West is the First Guest to Arrive at Uncle Toms Cabin 2012

February 1st, 2012

#1 2012 0 Uncle Tom's Cabin
It’s opening day at Uncle Tom’s Cabin – a plantation equipped with cotton fields, watermelon patches, and a look out tower overlooking a murky swamp filled with alligators, mosquito’s and rodents (all imported from Africa and South America).

This year’s festivities at the retreat are brought to you buy by Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac, Snapple and Fox News.

Everyone is filled with excitement. Know why? Because this year, Andrew Breitbart will be broadcasting live from the retreat. That’s where tap dancers, lead by LMAFO dancers singing the sounds of a classic slave song (written back in 1867 by William Francis Allen),  Questlove is conducting the band which is playing “There’s A Meeting Here To-Night” for all on the cabin grounds to enjoy.

After the Fox News team arrived in a conservative Norwegian cruise ship, Bill O’Reilly was the first to exit the ship screaming;

We took a cruise ship to show everyone that it’s perfectly safe…where’s my bag boy?Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin – Grand Finale

February 28th, 2011

It’s the last day at of the retreat at the cabin…

Grand Finale of Uncle Tom's

All is not well. The revolution sparked by Colin Powell has caused a uproar. Almost half of the house Negroes have turned on their modern day slave masters…

Beyonce is seen running around in blackface screaming, “I wanna be black again..I wanna be black again!”

Across the plantation’s burning sugar cane fields, Sammy Sosa is dressed like Kunta Kinte while holding a machete in his right hand and a bag of over a hundred tubes of extreme whitener skin creams and a thousand tubes of hair relaxers in his left hand. As the rebellious house Negroes were to run by the sell-out athlete as part of their escape to freedom, Sammy screams to them, “Bleach is the new black…Fuzzy hair? I have relaxers to fix that!”

All of a sudden Sammy spotted Nicki Minaj, and as he turned to face her Lil Kim approached his left side and pointed a pistol at his rib cage saying, “Hands up Sosa and give me all them relaxers and skin white creams!” Suddenly out of no where Nicki Minaj charged Lil Kim like a WWE wrestler, ripped Kim’s weave off of her head and pulled out Kim’s inch long eye lashes. As Nicki bent down to pick up the bag of relaxers and skin whitening creams, Puffy pulled up in a Wrangler jeep and said “Nicki you got the hair relaxers?” Nicki said, “yes” and Puffy opened the door of his vehicle hollering, “Powell became black and flipped on his friends…let’s get out of here!” Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin – Chad Ochocinco Checks In…

February 25th, 2011

Day 13th at the cabin retreat…

Chad Ochocinco Vacation Photo Leak

Colin Powell has changed the name of Jefferson Davis Square to Harriet Tubman Square, and this has Bill O’Reilly furious.

As the Fox Newsman rushes over to share his thoughts with Donald Rumsfeld. As O’Reilly approaches Rumsfeld, Senator Harold Ford walks over to him saying, “Mr O’Reilly…if any Negro bothers you on this plantation, just tell me and I’ll shoot them!” That’s when Rumsfeld walked down the steps of the cabin’s porch wearing army fatigues and holding his AK-47 and said to O’Reilly, “I already know that Powell re-named Jefferson Davis square. Now follow me over there.”

Meanwhile, Colin Powell has convinced half of the blacks at the plantation to join his revolt. Those blacks are burning the cotton fields and destroying everything in their reach. While this is happening, Puffy is teaching Jermaine Hall and his wife Siobhan O’Conner how to do the Macarena dance…

Oliver North is driving around an M41 Walker Bulldog tank and Rumsfeld is leading a army. Some of Rumsfeld troops include house Negroes who wish to stay and save the plantation. Suddenly out of no where, Sheriff Joe Arpaio appears riding on a white horse screaming, “Let’s go kill some Niggers!” Sarah Palin didn’t miss a beat…she quickly screams back at the sheriff, “Harold Ford and Judge Clarence Thomas are good Negroes!” Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin – Steve Stoute Checks In…

February 23rd, 2011

Day 12 at the cabin…

Steve Stoute Artist Rendition

As Bill O’Reilly puts together the 1st Annual Uncle Tom’s Coon Awards, Colin Powell forms an uprising at Jefferson Davis square to break the bondage at the plantation.

Tyler Perry is dressed as Madea as he listens to Colin Powell. That’s when he runs over to Bill O’Reilly and says, “Mr O’Reilly I have news for you!” O’Reilly looked at Tyler with a serious face asking, “Where Is this betrayal taking place… Boy?” Tyler immediately began acting like a child throwing a temper tantrum…rubbing his eyes and stomping his left leg saying, “Powell Is starting trouble at Jefferson Davis square Mr O’Reilly!” O’Reilly pointed the index finger of his right hand at Tyler’s face and said, “Boy go put on some damn pants and a decent shirt and don’t you ever talk to me wearing a dress again!” Tyler started to cry and was about to speak when O’Reilly said, “Shut up and don’t answer me you lady man…Yes you better do as I say lady man…Go tell Donald Rumsfeld it’s Tea Party time…Get the flags and the guns. Why are you still standing here? Get out of my face… Pinhead!” Tyler Perry ran off dressed in drag to tell Donald Rumsfeld the news…

Not knowing that Harold Ford had already told Donald Rumsfeld about the uprising, Tyler heads towards Donald Rumsfeld who was seated on a chair on the cabin’s front porch. Tyler is screaming “Mr. Rumsfeld…Mr. Rumsfeld they’re trying to escape…They’re starting trouble!” Rumsfeld got up from his seat to walk towards a running and screaming Tyler Perry. Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin – Whoopi Goldberg Checks In…

February 22nd, 2011

Day 11 at the cabin…

Whoopi Goldberg Vacation Photos Leaked(click image to enlarge)


Donald Rumsfeld has restrained Oliver North in a head lock as Rumsfeld’s henchman, Rapper Rick Ross (who’s suited up in his correctional officer uniform) aims his pistol at Oliver North’s head saying, “You better do what Mr.Rumsfeld wants Oliver!” Rumsfeld looked up at his henchman saying, “Put the pistol away…that won’t be necessary…Oliver knows I’ll kill him myself!” That’s when Rumsfeld addressed Oliver North as he tightened the head lock demanding, “Where’s my drugs?” Though Oliver began to choke, he was able to answer, “Flava Flav has it…I gave it to him to sell to colored and he was going to bring back the money to me…Donald I was going to give you all the money…I figured you will take the money to buy more ammunition!” Donald Rumsfeld released Oliver from the head lock and said, “I’ll handle Flava Flav.”

Meanwhile, Bill O’Reilly is having a talk with Sean Puffy Combs, “Listen boy I don’t care who you are…I don’t know you…But people like you and I want you to host The Coon Awards.” Puffy smiled as he replied, “You’re having an award show here on the plantation?” O’Reilly replied, “Yes…there will be an award show and you’re going to host it!”

All of a sudden, a voice echoed over the plantation grounds. It was coming from the P.A. system, and it was obviously the voice of Senator Lindsey Graham telling all the house Negroes not to talk to any of the guests until they’re spoken to. Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin – Rihanna Checks In…

February 17th, 2011

Day 10 at the cabin…

Rihanna Bikini Picture


Bill O’Reilly wants to spice up activity at the plantation, so he tracks down his colleagues in order to put their heads together to figure out getting some better entertainment from their house Negroes. They came up with The Coon Awards.

O’Reilly was overwhelmed by the new idea, and quickly ran over to Donald Trump asking, “Donnie you set up all the major beauty pageants, and I’m wondering if you could put together an award show for us on the plantation?” Donald rubbed his right hand through his toupee, “What do you have in mind Bill?” O’Reilly laugh saying, “It’s genius Donnie…I want you to set up The Coon Awards…With all the talented house Negroes around the plantation, our award show will be better than The Grammys!”

Meanwhile, Lamar Odom is running up to everyone asking them to smell his latest unisex fragrance Unbreakable and everyone is coughing and getting sick from the scent of the fragrance.

Over at the picnic area of the cabin grounds, Spike Lee is giving out free samples of his Absolut Brooklyn Vodka to all the house Negroes. When Puffy noticed what Spike Lee and Lamar Odom were doing, he became angry and felt like they were trying to cut in on his action. Puffy stared down Lamar and Spike with murder in his eyes, then quickly ran over to Lamar yelling, “Selling cologne and perfume was my idea…I started that shit first”…

Then the Bad Boy CEO ran over to Spike, pushed the director to the ground, picked up one of Spike’s vodka bottles, smashed it on the floor and started yelling ,“Ciroc taste better than Absolut…Fuck this Spike Lee dude…He’s a biter…I started selling liquor first…I keep people fucked up that’s why I’m rich…Spike and Lamar are jealous of my Bad Boy empire!” Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin – Tiger Woods Checks In…

February 15th, 2011

Day 9 at the cabin…

2011-tiger-woods-vacation-photos(click image to enlarge)

Colin Powell has accosted Flava Flav, grabbing the rapper by his shirt collar saying, “Give me all the drugs that you have or I’ll beat you down.” Flav replied, “I ain’t got no dope.” That’s when Powell smacked Flav across his face and said, “If you don’t give me the crack that Oliver North gave… I’ll choke you to death with your clock chain.”

Flav could tell Powell was dead serious, and became frightened…so he reached into his right pant pocket and said, “Here it is man…all of it…Halle Berry was going to buy all this shit off me…What I’m I going to tell Oliver?” Powell took the drugs out of Flava Flav’s hand and said, “You tell him you lost it and if you mention my name it will be the worst mistake you have ever made…because it will cost you your life!”

Meanwhile, Juan Williams is running up to every house Negro asking them, “When are we going to escape?” Everyone who Juan addressed asked the sell-out what he was talking about. Juan became convinced that there wasn’t going to be any escape after Charles Barkley explained, “Juan we all love this place…Why are you asking people when we’re going to escape? Are you fucking stupid? This place is home sweet home.” Juan began to cry saying, “I’m sorry for offending you Charles…you brought tears to my eyes when you said this place is home sweet home.” Barkley looked at Juan and said, “It’s okay buddy let’s go celebrate…eat some watermelon, and do the cooking dance with Puffy and Soulja Boy.”

Over on the cabin’s porch, Bill O’Reilly,Ted Nugent and John Kasich are seated while drinking lemonade. O’Reilly is telling both Nugent and Kasich, “What happened in Egypt is all Obama’s fault…the damn country could turn into another Iran for Christ sake.” Ted Nugent replied, “Bill if our boys were still in power we would have invaded Egypt a long time ago.” That’s when John Kasich joined in on the conversation and said, “We need to send Benny Hinn and Joel Osteen over there to let the Egyptian people know that Jesus is better than Allah.” Continue Reading…

Amy Holmes Takes Sometime Off at Uncle Tom’s

February 12th, 2011

Day 8 at the cabin…

Amy Holmes Honors Black History 2011

Everyone at the plantation is filled with joy.

Fox News anchor Bret Baier can’t stop with laughing as he watches an angry LeVar Burton scream at Taye Diggs saying, “Never wear my Kunta Kinte outfit again Taye…I’m the original Kunta Kinte around here… And don’t you ever forget it!”

That’s when Newt Gingrich walked over to Bret, tapped him on his left shoulder and asked, “Isn’t this place the best?” Bret turned around and replied, “Of course it is!” A smiling Newt Gingrich looked Bret Baier right in his eyes and said, “What you see and what we have here is a scenario exactly like how our forefathers lived…isn’t it great that we can now live in a time of American history that most would love to forget?” Before Bret could answer Gingrich said, “Look at Puffy over there showing Mitt Romney how to do the Running Man dance…and if that’s not funny enough, look at Wayne Brady and Kenan Thomson having a coconut tree climbing race.”

Meanwhile over behind the cabin, Bill O’ Reilly screamed at the top of his lungs at Republican Christopher Lee telling him, “You’re an idiot Chris for sending shirtless pictures of yourself to some bimbo from Craiglist…you made your wife and the republican party look bad…pinhead!!!” O’Reilly then walked over to Juan Williams and said, “Juan you owe me…I trust you and I want you to do me a favor.” Juan looked O’Reilly right in the eyes and said, “I’ll do what you ask of me Bill…what is it?” O’Reilly replied, “I need you to be my spy Juan…I overheard Colin Powell and Michael Steele planning to escape from here and no one believes me…Can you get me some evidence?”

All of a sudden a voice echoed over the plantation grounds. It was coming from the P.A. system, and it was obviously the voice of Senator Lindsey Graham telling all the house Negroes not to talk to any of the guests until they were spoken to. Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin: Debra Lee Checks In…

February 10th, 2011

Day 7 at the cabin…

Debra Lee Takes Time Off


The house Negroes remain quiet, causing Bill O’Reilly to become concerned. So, the Fox News commentator begins to snoop around the plantation. After ten-minutes of combing the cabin grounds, O’Reilly was about to give up when he spots James Earl Jones entering a barn. That’s when he decided to take a closer look…

O’Reilly was peeking through the wooden fence surrounding the barn when he saw Colin Powell and Michael Steele talking to the house Negroes. O’Reilly listened attentively as Colin Powell said, “I once worked for Bush and the good ole boys and they don’t like us…We must escape from this place.” Then, Michael Steele looked over at Will.i.am and said, “You have no damn excuse for wearing blackface and doing minstrel shows…Don’t you know they call us Nigga’s?” Will.i.am smiled as he looked at Michael Steel right in the eyes and said, “How am I going to stay paid and relevant? I don’t mind eating Jimmy Iovine’s leftover!s” Colin Powell walked over to Will.i.am and said, “Listen you little monkey you don’t know shit and I want you to know I have my eyes on you so don’t even try tattling!” That’s when Michael Steel added, “We’re going to act normal and act like good house Negroes but when I give the command we’re going to escape and revolt against our masters!”

That was all Bill O’Reilly needed to hear, so he left the barn area and ran as fast as he could to tell his colleagues what he had learned. The first person O’Reilly ran into was Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh became worried asking, “Bill why are you breathing so hard? Why are you out of breath?” O’Reilly replied, “I was at the barn and overheard Powell and Steele organizing a revolt!” Limbaugh began to laugh and said, “Bill are you crazy? Our Negroes love it here!”

Limbaugh walked away as O’Reilly screamed “You don’t believe me Rush…You think I’m crazy? Don’t you? But I’m not… It’s true the Negroes want to escape!”
Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin: Senator Harold Ford Checks In

February 9th, 2011

2011 Black History Month Exclusive


Day 6 at the cabin… Most of the house Negroes are suffering from hangovers after celebrating Ronald Reagan’s 100th birthday.

Bill O’Reilly is walking with Carlson Tucker before stopping and pointing his finger in Carlson’s face saying, “If you want to be like me you must learn not to take crap from guys like Jon Stewart!” That’s when the pair noticed rapper Rick Ross suited up in a correctional officer uniform, walking alongside Donald Rumsfeld. O’Reilly immediately turned to Carlson saying, “Excuse me I must have a man to man conversation with Donnie.”

<h3>Meanwhile on the cabin grounds, the silly house Negroes are having way too much fun. Bryant Gumbel and Larry Elder are bobbing for mangoes, Steve Harvey is bragging to Juan Williams about mistreating his wife, abusing his son and getting rich by being a hypocrite. Puffy can be seen teaching Britt Hume and Senator Mitch McConnell how to do the Stanky Leg dance.</h3>

O’Reilly approaches Rumsfeld asking, “Donnie can I have a word with you?” Rumsfeld displayed an evil smirk across his face and replied “What can I do for you?” O’Reilly took a step closer to Rumsfeld asking, “Can we talk around him?” Rumsfeld leaned his head to the side and explained, “Rick Ross is one of us Bill. That’s why he’s wearing a correctional officer uniform. Now say what you must.” That’s when O’Reilly replied, “I know there’s someone on this plantation who’s about to start selling crack and I want you to know because I find it to be un-American.” Rumsfeld laughed and replied, “O’Reilly don’t you know that I’m aware that there’s drugs on this plantation…For Christ’s sake Bill, my son was a drug addict and he might still be, but such is life…I have a war to fight and that’s to keep the darkies on dope…I’ll let you in on a little secret, Bill…I gave Oliver North the drugs to give to the Negroes so they all can get high, and guess what? I’ll lock them up and they’ll all have to pay me and Halliburton money to get out of jail…My urban war-like strategies are all in my new book ‘Known and Unknown’ didn’t you read it?”

Before O’Reilly could answer, a loud voice echoed over the plantation grounds. It was coming from the P.A. system, and it was obviously the voice of Senator Lindsey Graham telling all the house Negroes not to talk to any guests until they are spoken to. Continue Reading…



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