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Uncle Toms Cabin

Stephen Hill Checks Into Uncle Tom’s Cabin…

February 22nd, 2013

Uncle Toms Cabin 2013 Day 5

Day 5 At The Cabin…

Wayne LaPierre is dressed like Davy Crockett, walking his prisoner Byron Allen – attached with bells and chain – in front of the plantation patio, screaming “This Hollywood showboating Negro was dressed like Abraham Lincoln on Presidents Day, and he’s going to trial!” With a set of solid grins across their faces, the Fox News team cheered on, as Brit Hume screamed “LaPierre for President!”

Meanwhile, on the east side of the plantation grounds…the Negroes who are suited up like sword fighters in their skinny jeans, are popping Molly and looking to their female counterparts.

Those “ladies” are all dressed up and parading the cabins grounds like $2 prostitutes.

The sounds of “My Clique” filled the air — when suddenly, the record was scratched and the voice of the funkiest Pakistani “DJ Khaled” was screaming into the microphone. “We the Best!” Then, Khaled dropped “Pop That” and the house Negroes went crazy. That’s when Khaled grabbed his mic and said, “Look up to the sky! The YMCMB princess is about to arrive!Continue Reading…

Music’s Leading Bad Boy Checks In…

February 18th, 2013

Day 4 at 2013 Uncle Tom's Cabin

Day 4…

Retreat attendees are filled with excitement as they celebrate Presidents’ Day. Tea party members and hardcore right wing republicans have chosen to commemorate by dressing up as America’s founding fathers.

Senators John McCain, Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham quickly discover all three of them are suited up as the same President, George Washington — after the trio bumped into each other on the cabin’s patio. McCain took a step back before addressing Graham and McConnell.

“Great minds think alike!” McConnell chuckled, as Senator Lindsey Graham turned around to notice Byron Allen walking the cabin grounds, dressed like Abraham Lincoln. “That boy over there is dressed like one of the founding fathers and I don’t like it one bit,” Graham exclaimed. “It makes me sick to my stomach!”

Meanwhile… Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin Continues…

February 13th, 2013

Day 3 @ Uncle Tom's Cabin Retreat 2013

Day 3 @ The 2013 Retreat

The plantation’s attendees are filled with joy – as members of the Tea Party, Fox News, and the Republican party are celebrating their favorite time in American history — which most of us would love to forget.

Sean Hannity and his filmmaker buddy Glenn Beck are gearing up to begin the filming of their movie “Fistful of Apes“. They’ve got the perfect backdrop, but there’s one problem — there’s still few Negroes to cast. As the pair stood on the grounds brainstorming, Bill O’Reilly walked over to them. That’s when Hannity and Beck notices the Fox Newsman was dressed
like Steve Irwin, holding a megaphone in his right hand. Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin Welcomes Rapping Correctional Officer To Plantation

February 7th, 2013

Rick Ross Checks into 2013 Cabin Retreat

Maybach Music’s Rick Ross Takes It Back To The 1800’s!

It’s the second at the cabin retreat…The plantation’s shindig has attracted Fox News faces and popular republican figures from all over the country, as they honor their 1865 America.

Senator Mitch McConnell is dressed like President James Madison, holding an M1 assault riffle as he speaks into the microphone. “Gather ’round folks! Before the Negroes arrive, I’ll like to say Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is going to space and I say he take his Muslim buddy Barack with him!” McConnell paused as the crowd rose to their feet to clap and cheer. McConnell then continued to speak to a growing crowd of raging republicans. “I’m the Cabin’s host this year and my friend – and yours – Vice President of the NRA Wayne LaPierre will be my go to guy if there’s any disturbance on these grounds.” Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat 2013 Kicks Off!

February 4th, 2013

Uncle Toms Cabin Retreat 2013 Kick Off Party

Attendees To Revamp Slave Movie History…

The doors to Uncle Tom’s Cabin may be wide open for this year’s NRA/Fox News jointly sponsored celebration, but Herman Cain is the only leading silly Negro that’s made it to the plantation grounds for the first day of festivities. Know why? Because most of Cain’s compardres are just now making their way from New Orleans after partying at the Superdome for Super Bowl 2013.

You may remember Bill O’Reilly closed last year’s retreat, urging attendees to “Vote Romney!”. Now, one year later, the plantation grounds are flourishing with more cotton, bearing more watermelon patches — and housing additional alligators, more mosquitoes and apparently newly-rabid rats! Continue Reading…

The 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin BET Jamboree Finale

February 29th, 2012


It’s the last day at the cabin

The CMT (Cabin’s Most Talented Award) ceremony is coming to an end. Following Miranda Lambert’s performance, Bill O’Reilly proceeds to the stage to accept his well-deserved crown. The Fox Newsman receives a standing ovation for putting together the CMT award show. O’Reilly proudly approaches the microphone before saying, “If BET can have an award show without us, why can’t we have an award show without them?!?

Rush Limbaugh immediately jumped out of his seat and shouted, “You tell them Bill!” O’Reilly pulls a mono-gram encrusted handkerchief out of his suit jacket to wipe his forehead while saying, “The two gay marines who got caught kissing on Facebook…Sgt. Brandon Morgan and his gay lover Dalan Wells, are an embarrassment to our army! I made some calls and those queers have been served with discharge papers!” The crowd promptly rose to their feet. Once they started to calm down Toby Keith jumped out of his seat and started yelling, “Let’s lynch the Negroes and the fags!” O’Reilly smiled and continued to speak, “Tonight, Senator Mitt Romney will be singing ‘America the Beautiful’ at the BET Spring Break…we need the Negro vote, and then we can stop Obama! To ensure we land Latino votes, I told them tonight they can share the stage with the Negroes. I also told JLO to make sure she wears a dress that will reveal her nipples.

That’s when Newt Gingrich jumped out of his seat shouting, “Bill, will Jennifer join Callista and I for a threesome?Continue Reading…

Dr Dre & Snoop Dogg Check into the 2012 Cabin Retreat

February 24th, 2012

Dr. Dre and Snoop Vacation

It’s day twelve at the cabin

All of the cabin workers are busy putting the finishing touches on the auditorium, as the stage is being set-up for the BET Spring Break celebration.

Bill O’Reilly is walking the auditorium floor with Clive Davis – when suddenly, the pair come to a stop. O’Reilly turned to the music mogul and says, “Clive, I know McCain wants a huge urban shindig, and there’s nothing wrong with that because I want it too! But Clive, I also want something for our boys and girls to enjoy – So I’ve arranged the CMT Awards right here on the cabin grounds!

Clive Davis began to rub his chin with his right hand before replying. “Bill, what does CMT mean?” O’Reilly smiled as he explained. “Cabin’s Most Talented…oh, and only Caucasian artists can perform! I want to make sure guys like Hank Williams Jr., Toby Keith and Dave Mustaine get some sort of award! Clive, I’m dead serious…I don’t want to see any Ryan Seacrest stuff down here…No Simon Cowell or Glee stuff either. Carrie Underwood will open the show, Miranda Lambert will close it.

Davis immediately removed his glasses. While wiping the lenses of his spectacles clean, he replied, “Are you saying you don’t want any homosexual activity Bill?” O’Reilly pointed his index finger of his left hand at Davis’ face and shouted, You’re damn right!!! Continue Reading…

Love & Hiphop Cast Checks into the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 23rd, 2012

Love & Hiphop Uncle Tom's

It’s day eleven at the cabin

Bill O’Reilly is driving a golf cart, Rick Ross, who is suited up in his CO gear and holding an Uzi  is standing on one side of the moving vehicle, while Shaquille O’Neal stands on the other side of the golf cart, holding a semi-automatic and dressed as a Miami police officer.

O’Reilly pulls the golf cart up to the camp grounds named in honor of Mitt Romney, who is sitting having a picnic along with 30 of his Mormon relatives.

Romney stands up and walks over to the Bill O’Reilly saying, “Bill, nice for you to come by…but what’s with the bodyguards?” O’Reilly pointed his finger in the Governor’s face saying, “Sheriff Paul Babeu is on your team and he’s gay…he’s gay, Mitt..and it’s making our party look bad! That’s why Rick Santorum became the party favorite.” Romney ran his right hand through his hair and replied, “Bill, that’s Arpaio’s man…I figured Joe would have cleaned up this mess for me!” O’Reilly leaned his head to one side and said, “That’s not Joe’s problem…It’s yours, Mitt! Your religious baptisms were performed on dead holocaust Jews..You’re finished!

Mitt Romney’s face turned cherry red. He was about to attack O’Reilly, but correctional officer Rick Ross jumped off the golf cart and punched Romeny in the face (wearing brass knuckles). O’Reilly laughed at Romey saying, “Look at you Mitt, you’re laying on the floor! I disrespected you in front of your family and there’s nothing you can do about it!” O’Reilly drove off in his golf cart with his two negro bodyguards laughing… Continue Reading…

The Ferrari Boys Check into the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 22nd, 2012

Waka Flocka Gucci Mane 2012 Honorees

It’s day ten at the cabin

A Presidents Day celebration is underway. Everyone is partaking in a George Washington with slave contest, sponsored by Coors. Newt Gingrich is dressed as our first president – walking alongside Gingrich is Herman Cain, suited up in slave garb. Senator John McCain is also dressed like George Washington, but beside and him stands Jamie Foxx. Foxx who is sporting the same slave costume he wore in Quentin Tarantino’s movie “Dajango Unchained“. All of the Tea Party ladies are dressed like they’re starring in the movie “Gone With The Wind“.

The ladies are lining both sides of the street, watching the men all march down the roadway with their slaves. Ann Coulter is accompanied by Laura Ingraham – the pair are each holding fans. Ingraham turns to Coulter. “Herman is the best house Negro I’ve ever seen!” Coulter replied, “Laura…listen to me and listen very carefully. Herman may be the best house Negro, but is Newt the best George Washington? I mean…being George Washington means you can control both the slaves and our blessed country – all at the same time. Gringrich can talk the talk, but can he walk the talk?

Ingragham smiled before bursting out in laughter, turning to Coulter. “Ann…there’s our winner!” Both ladies began to laugh hard, after spotting Governor Rick Perry dressed like George Washington, whipping singer Seal. While Governor Perry lashed at the singer with a horse whip, he screamed, “Boy…you should have never raped Heidi Klum!” Governor Perry cracked his whip on Seal’s back several more times. Continue Reading…

Cash Money Records Arrives at the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 19th, 2012

Cash Money Records 2012

It’s day nine at the cabin

Seated in the cabin’s dinning room, Senator John McCain is having a meeting with Governor Chris Christie. Just steps away from the men, Viola Davis pretends to dust the furniture while ease dropping on the pair’s conversation.

As Senator McCain and Governor Christie share a pot of tea, McCain crosses his legs. “I’m going to have the biggest party down here, on the plantation grounds. O’Reilly won the Cabin Commander award three years in a row, but this year, with me organizing the BET Spring Break jamboree, I’ll prove that nobody can control Negroes like me!

Viola Davis immediately left the dinning room. That’s when Governor Christie nodded his head before placing his tea cup on the saucer, saying, “John, in order for our party to regain the people’s trust we must show the Negroes some compassion!

Suddenly, the dining door swung open and an angry Bill O’Reilly entered the room – shouting at Governor Christie. “You get off these grounds now..you’re a Benedict Arnold…you have the nerve to lower the flag for a junkie pop singer…I want you off these grounds now!Continue Reading…

P Diddy Checks into the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 16th, 2012

P Diddy - 2012 Cabin Retreat

It’s day eight at the Cabin

House Negroes are rampant. There is partying across the cabin grounds. Tyler Perry is dressed as Madea, doing hula hoop tricks for Mitch McConnell and John Boehner.

The Speaker of the House, John Boehner, seems to not be amused with Tyler Perry’s antics, and his face is filled with disgust. Boehner reaches into his sports coat to pull out a flask and take a swig from it before addressing Tyler. “You’re not funny to me! Remember, it was the silly negroes who made you rich, not us!

Mitch McConnell noticing Tyler wanted to cry tried to comfort him. “Tyler, don’t listen to him. You’re doing a good job. My grandchildren laugh at you all the time. I can’t speak for John, but I like to see Negro men in dresses!

Not far away, Cee Lo Green is standing by the cabin’s outdoor lavatory – bare foot, sporting a Dashiki while singing his hit song “F*ck You“. This while Bruno Mars is dancing beside him. Bruno is bare-chest and wearing a Hawaiian grass skirt. Continue Reading…

The Braxton’s Check in at the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 15th, 2012

Braxton Family Cabin Vacation

It’s day seven at the cabin

The grounds are buzzing with activity as the entertainment continues. Bill O’Reilly is enjoying the festivities, with his pal and protege Bret Baier. All of a sudden, O’Reilly spots GOP candidate Rick Santorum – who is going into the cabin’s on site barber shop, and says “Bret, let’s walk over to the barber shop. I want to have a little chat with Rick.

Meanwhile, Senator McCain is taking part in a conference phone call with Dick Clark and Clive Davis. That’s when the good Senator laid back in his black leathery office chair, saying “Clive, I want you to bring down everyone who attended your pre-Grammy party.

Dick Clark obviously wanted to voice his opinion, but his voice was overpowered by Clive Davis. “The Negroes are mad at me! They finally figured out I don’t care about them or their legends, and only care about money. I could get the silly Negroes to the cabin…all I have to tell them is that I’m having a party and their silly asses will show up!” Dick Clark, who was still trying to speak his opinion, was again overpowered, this time by Senator McCain who said, “Clive, I know the silly Negroes respect you. If you could get those silly Negroes who attended your pre-Grammy party down here, I’ll be real grateful!” Clive responded, “What’s in it for me?” McCain told him, “Next time our party gets into office, it will be for two presidential terms and you and your family would never have to pay taxes again. Plus, you could do or say whatever you want on Fox News!

Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich is having a drink over at the cabin’s pub, joined by his wife, Callista. All of a sudden, Nene Leaks appears out of nowhere – sliding down a stripper pole and wearing a tutu with a see through G-string. Gingrich smiled and turned to his wife. “Do you think she’ll join us for a threesome?Continue Reading…

Jamie Foxx Checks into the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 11th, 2012

Jamie Foxx - 2012 Honoree
It’s day six at the cabin

Congressman Allen West is wearing a monkey mask while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle. He’s maneuvering the bike to jump through fire loops, while holding a banana in his mouth. Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin are filled with amazement, sparking the pair to applaud.

Sarah Palin is wearing a floppy, ribbon-laced sun hat with a quilted Chanel lamb skin jacket. She turns to Bachmann. “Michele, he’s trying so hard to make us laugh.” Bachmann, who just had her hair done in a style to suit the pound of make-up she’s wearing (making it difficult for her to smile), struggled to reply. “I don’t know about you Sarah, but Dennis Rodman is the silliest Negro I’ve ever met.

Carlos Mencia is standing by the cabin’s picnic area, giving a loud speech. The comedian is suited up in rags for pants and a decorative poncho, as he shouts through a blow horn. “Latinos are sell outs too! I know how to help Governor Perry with the border…Give the Mexicans liquor…Booze always works…Alcohol killed the native Indian. Didn’t it? Why don’t Latinos have television liquor commercials, like Puffy? I want to sell liquor to Mexicans like Puffy sells Ciroc to black people!Continue Reading…

Terrence Howard Checks into the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 9th, 2012

Terrence Howard 2012 Honors

It’s day five at the cabin

Rick Santorum is standing with the Speaker of House John Boehner, as the pair burst out in laughter while looking over the plantation grounds. That’s when Santorum spoke out. “Why can’t America look like this all the time?” Boehner replied, asking “Have you ever seen the movie The Help?” Santorum placed his left hand under his chin. “Yes, I have. It’s an excellent movie! I believe that’s why we’re going to give Octavia Spencer an award this year.

With his right hand, Boehner reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a steel flask to take a drink. “It’s a good tool being used to remind this generation that blacks are nothing but the help. I’m still watching Jack Benny, and I must say Flava Flav has a striking resemblance to Jack’s sidekick Rochester.” Both Boehner and Santorum burst out in laughter…

Meanwhile, over in the cabin’s kitchen Herman Cain is talking to the staff while Viola Davis washes dishes. Cain notices Davis isn’t paying attention. “Viola, you might be up for an Oscar award but this is my kitchen and when I’m talking you better listen!” Viola replied, “Mr. Cain, I just wanna make sure this kitchen is clean when Massa Cheney comes by for inspection.Continue Reading…

Judge Clarence Thomas Checks in for the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 8th, 2012

2012 Uncle Tom's Cabin

It’s day four at the cabin

Karl Rove is walking along with Mitt Romney towards Debra Lee, as Rove comments. “Debra you’ve arranged what could be the best BET Spring Break event ever, here on the cabin grounds. I love that Mitt and I are performing!” Debra smiled, and before she could respond Mitt Romney added his two cents. “I want an all black choir behind me when I sing ‘America The Beautiful’. I also want Cee Lo Green beside me, shaking a pink tambourine.” Rove smirked and chimed in. “Hey Mitt, have Cee Lo playing the piano, while dressed like Elton John…it will land you all the gay votes!

Meanwhile, Herman Cain is sitting with Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney. That’s when Donald looked to Herman Cain to address him. “Hey Herman, what’s troubling you?” Herman replied, “That rapper Coolio was trying to put two scoops of crack cocaine in my watermelon and chicken pizza, and I’m upset!” Cheney replied, “Coolio has drugs on the cabin grounds..,” Rumsfeld took a sip of his coffee and replied “The cabin grounds are expected to be packed with a lot of house Negroes this year. We’re gonna be over populated, so we need a lot of narcotics to keep our Negroes high! A huge prison compound and a good Negro hunt.” Herman said, “I’ve heard what both of you gentlemen have to say, but you both forgot to mention alcohol…Negroes love liquor and bass music! That’s exactly why we need Puffy down here.” Rumsfeld replied, “Herman you get Puffy, and I’ll get sheriff Joe Arpaio!Continue Reading…




WHO IS JACKY TALKING ABOUT

WHO IS JACKY TALKING ABOUT



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