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Uncle Toms Cabin

Stephen Hill Checks Into Uncle Tom’s Cabin…

February 22nd, 2013

Uncle Toms Cabin 2013 Day 5

Day 5 At The Cabin…

Wayne LaPierre is dressed like Davy Crockett, walking his prisoner Byron Allen – attached with bells and chain – in front of the plantation patio, screaming “This Hollywood showboating Negro was dressed like Abraham Lincoln on Presidents Day, and he’s going to trial!” With a set of solid grins across their faces, the Fox News team cheered on, as Brit Hume screamed “LaPierre for President!”

Meanwhile, on the east side of the plantation grounds…the Negroes who are suited up like sword fighters in their skinny jeans, are popping Molly and looking to their female counterparts.

Those “ladies” are all dressed up and parading the cabins grounds like $2 prostitutes.

The sounds of “My Clique” filled the air — when suddenly, the record was scratched and the voice of the funkiest Pakistani “DJ Khaled” was screaming into the microphone. “We the Best!” Then, Khaled dropped “Pop That” and the house Negroes went crazy. That’s when Khaled grabbed his mic and said, “Look up to the sky! The YMCMB princess is about to arrive!Continue Reading…

Music’s Leading Bad Boy Checks In…

February 18th, 2013

Day 4 at 2013 Uncle Tom's Cabin

Day 4…

Retreat attendees are filled with excitement as they celebrate Presidents’ Day. Tea party members and hardcore right wing republicans have chosen to commemorate by dressing up as America’s founding fathers.

Senators John McCain, Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham quickly discover all three of them are suited up as the same President, George Washington — after the trio bumped into each other on the cabin’s patio. McCain took a step back before addressing Graham and McConnell.

“Great minds think alike!” McConnell chuckled, as Senator Lindsey Graham turned around to notice Byron Allen walking the cabin grounds, dressed like Abraham Lincoln. “That boy over there is dressed like one of the founding fathers and I don’t like it one bit,” Graham exclaimed. “It makes me sick to my stomach!”

Meanwhile… Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin Continues…

February 13th, 2013

Day 3 @ Uncle Tom's Cabin Retreat 2013

Day 3 @ The 2013 Retreat

The plantation’s attendees are filled with joy – as members of the Tea Party, Fox News, and the Republican party are celebrating their favorite time in American history — which most of us would love to forget.

Sean Hannity and his filmmaker buddy Glenn Beck are gearing up to begin the filming of their movie “Fistful of Apes“. They’ve got the perfect backdrop, but there’s one problem — there’s still few Negroes to cast. As the pair stood on the grounds brainstorming, Bill O’Reilly walked over to them. That’s when Hannity and Beck notices the Fox Newsman was dressed
like Steve Irwin, holding a megaphone in his right hand. Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin Welcomes Rapping Correctional Officer To Plantation

February 7th, 2013

Rick Ross Checks into 2013 Cabin Retreat

Maybach Music’s Rick Ross Takes It Back To The 1800′s!

It’s the second at the cabin retreat…The plantation’s shindig has attracted Fox News faces and popular republican figures from all over the country, as they honor their 1865 America.

Senator Mitch McConnell is dressed like President James Madison, holding an M1 assault riffle as he speaks into the microphone. “Gather ’round folks! Before the Negroes arrive, I’ll like to say Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is going to space and I say he take his Muslim buddy Barack with him!” McConnell paused as the crowd rose to their feet to clap and cheer. McConnell then continued to speak to a growing crowd of raging republicans. “I’m the Cabin’s host this year and my friend – and yours – Vice President of the NRA Wayne LaPierre will be my go to guy if there’s any disturbance on these grounds.” Continue Reading…

Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat 2013 Kicks Off!

February 4th, 2013

Uncle Toms Cabin Retreat 2013 Kick Off Party

Attendees To Revamp Slave Movie History…

The doors to Uncle Tom’s Cabin may be wide open for this year’s NRA/Fox News jointly sponsored celebration, but Herman Cain is the only leading silly Negro that’s made it to the plantation grounds for the first day of festivities. Know why? Because most of Cain’s compardres are just now making their way from New Orleans after partying at the Superdome for Super Bowl 2013.

You may remember Bill O’Reilly closed last year’s retreat, urging attendees to “Vote Romney!”. Now, one year later, the plantation grounds are flourishing with more cotton, bearing more watermelon patches — and housing additional alligators, more mosquitoes and apparently newly-rabid rats! Continue Reading…

The 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin BET Jamboree Finale

February 29th, 2012

It’s the last day at the cabin

The CMT (Cabin’s Most Talented Award) ceremony is coming to an end. Following Miranda Lambert’s performance, Bill O’Reilly proceeds to the stage to accept his well-deserved crown. The Fox Newsman receives a standing ovation for putting together the CMT award show. O’Reilly proudly approaches the microphone before saying, “If BET can have an award show without us, why can’t we have an award show without them?!?

Rush Limbaugh immediately jumped out of his seat and shouted, “You tell them Bill!” O’Reilly pulls a mono-gram encrusted handkerchief out of his suit jacket to wipe his forehead while saying, “The two gay marines who got caught kissing on Facebook…Sgt. Brandon Morgan and his gay lover Dalan Wells, are an embarrassment to our army! I made some calls and those queers have been served with discharge papers!” The crowd promptly rose to their feet. Once they started to calm down Toby Keith jumped out of his seat and started yelling, “Let’s lynch the Negroes and the fags!” O’Reilly smiled and continued to speak, “Tonight, Senator Mitt Romney will be singing ‘America the Beautiful’ at the BET Spring Break…we need the Negro vote, and then we can stop Obama! To ensure we land Latino votes, I told them tonight they can share the stage with the Negroes. I also told JLO to make sure she wears a dress that will reveal her nipples.

That’s when Newt Gingrich jumped out of his seat shouting, “Bill, will Jennifer join Callista and I for a threesome?Continue Reading…

Dr Dre & Snoop Dogg Check into the 2012 Cabin Retreat

February 24th, 2012

Dr. Dre and Snoop Vacation

It’s day twelve at the cabin

All of the cabin workers are busy putting the finishing touches on the auditorium, as the stage is being set-up for the BET Spring Break celebration.

Bill O’Reilly is walking the auditorium floor with Clive Davis – when suddenly, the pair come to a stop. O’Reilly turned to the music mogul and says, “Clive, I know McCain wants a huge urban shindig, and there’s nothing wrong with that because I want it too! But Clive, I also want something for our boys and girls to enjoy – So I’ve arranged the CMT Awards right here on the cabin grounds!

Clive Davis began to rub his chin with his right hand before replying. “Bill, what does CMT mean?” O’Reilly smiled as he explained. “Cabin’s Most Talented…oh, and only Caucasian artists can perform! I want to make sure guys like Hank Williams Jr., Toby Keith and Dave Mustaine get some sort of award! Clive, I’m dead serious…I don’t want to see any Ryan Seacrest stuff down here…No Simon Cowell or Glee stuff either. Carrie Underwood will open the show, Miranda Lambert will close it.

Davis immediately removed his glasses. While wiping the lenses of his spectacles clean, he replied, “Are you saying you don’t want any homosexual activity Bill?” O’Reilly pointed his index finger of his left hand at Davis’ face and shouted, You’re damn right!!! Continue Reading…

Love & Hiphop Cast Checks into the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 23rd, 2012

Love & Hiphop Uncle Tom's

It’s day eleven at the cabin

Bill O’Reilly is driving a golf cart, Rick Ross, who is suited up in his CO gear and holding an Uzi  is standing on one side of the moving vehicle, while Shaquille O’Neal stands on the other side of the golf cart, holding a semi-automatic and dressed as a Miami police officer.

O’Reilly pulls the golf cart up to the camp grounds named in honor of Mitt Romney, who is sitting having a picnic along with 30 of his Mormon relatives.

Romney stands up and walks over to the Bill O’Reilly saying, “Bill, nice for you to come by…but what’s with the bodyguards?” O’Reilly pointed his finger in the Governor’s face saying, “Sheriff Paul Babeu is on your team and he’s gay…he’s gay, Mitt..and it’s making our party look bad! That’s why Rick Santorum became the party favorite.” Romney ran his right hand through his hair and replied, “Bill, that’s Arpaio’s man…I figured Joe would have cleaned up this mess for me!” O’Reilly leaned his head to one side and said, “That’s not Joe’s problem…It’s yours, Mitt! Your religious baptisms were performed on dead holocaust Jews..You’re finished!

Mitt Romney’s face turned cherry red. He was about to attack O’Reilly, but correctional officer Rick Ross jumped off the golf cart and punched Romeny in the face (wearing brass knuckles). O’Reilly laughed at Romey saying, “Look at you Mitt, you’re laying on the floor! I disrespected you in front of your family and there’s nothing you can do about it!” O’Reilly drove off in his golf cart with his two negro bodyguards laughing… Continue Reading…

The Ferrari Boys Check into the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 22nd, 2012

Waka Flocka Gucci Mane 2012 Honorees

It’s day ten at the cabin

A Presidents Day celebration is underway. Everyone is partaking in a George Washington with slave contest, sponsored by Coors. Newt Gingrich is dressed as our first president – walking alongside Gingrich is Herman Cain, suited up in slave garb. Senator John McCain is also dressed like George Washington, but beside and him stands Jamie Foxx. Foxx who is sporting the same slave costume he wore in Quentin Tarantino’s movie “Dajango Unchained“. All of the Tea Party ladies are dressed like they’re starring in the movie “Gone With The Wind“.

The ladies are lining both sides of the street, watching the men all march down the roadway with their slaves. Ann Coulter is accompanied by Laura Ingraham – the pair are each holding fans. Ingraham turns to Coulter. “Herman is the best house Negro I’ve ever seen!” Coulter replied, “Laura…listen to me and listen very carefully. Herman may be the best house Negro, but is Newt the best George Washington? I mean…being George Washington means you can control both the slaves and our blessed country – all at the same time. Gringrich can talk the talk, but can he walk the talk?

Ingragham smiled before bursting out in laughter, turning to Coulter. “Ann…there’s our winner!” Both ladies began to laugh hard, after spotting Governor Rick Perry dressed like George Washington, whipping singer Seal. While Governor Perry lashed at the singer with a horse whip, he screamed, “Boy…you should have never raped Heidi Klum!” Governor Perry cracked his whip on Seal’s back several more times. Continue Reading…

Cash Money Records Arrives at the 2012 Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

February 19th, 2012

Cash Money Records 2012

It’s day nine at the cabin

Seated in the cabin’s dinning room, Senator John McCain is having a meeting with Governor Chris Christie. Just steps away from the men, Viola Davis pretends to dust the furniture while ease dropping on the pair’s conversation.

As Senator McCain and Governor Christie share a pot of tea, McCain crosses his legs. “I’m going to have the biggest party down here, on the plantation grounds. O’Reilly won the Cabin Commander award three years in a row, but this year, with me organizing the BET Spring Break jamboree, I’ll prove that nobody can control Negroes like me!

Viola Davis immediately left the dinning room. That’s when Governor Christie nodded his head before placing his tea cup on the saucer, saying, “John, in order for our party to regain the people’s trust we must show the Negroes some compassion!

Suddenly, the dining door swung open and an angry Bill O’Reilly entered the room – shouting at Governor Christie. “You get off these grounds now..you’re a Benedict Arnold…you have the nerve to lower the flag for a junkie pop singer…I want you off these grounds now!Continue Reading…



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