Uncle Toms Cabin

It’s day four at the cabin…

Karl Rove is walking along with Mitt Romney towards Debra Lee, as Rove comments. “Debra you’ve arranged what could be the best BET Spring Break event ever, here on the cabin grounds. I love that Mitt and I are performing!” Debra smiled, and before she could respond Mitt Romney added his two cents. “I want an all black choir behind me when I sing ‘America The Beautiful’. I also want Cee Lo Green beside me, shaking a pink tambourine.” Rove smirked and chimed in. “Hey Mitt, have Cee Lo playing the piano, while dressed like Elton John…it will land you all the gay votes!”

Meanwhile, Herman Cain is sitting with Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney. That’s when Donald looked to Herman Cain to address him. “Hey Herman, what’s troubling you?” Herman replied, “That rapper Coolio was trying to put two scoops of crack cocaine in my watermelon and chicken pizza, and I’m upset!” Cheney replied, “Coolio has drugs on the cabin grounds..,“ Rumsfeld took a sip of his coffee and replied “The cabin grounds are expected to be packed with a lot of house Negroes this year. We’re gonna be over populated, so we need a lot of narcotics to keep our Negroes high! A huge prison compound and a good Negro hunt.” Herman said, “I’ve heard what both of you gentlemen have to say, but you both forgot to mention alcohol…Negroes love liquor and bass music! That’s exactly why we need Puffy down here.” Rumsfeld replied, “Herman you get Puffy, and I’ll get sheriff Joe Arpaio!” Continue Reading…

It’s day three at the Cabin…Members of the Tea Party are celebrating the annual festivities. Despite all the fun, Bill O’Reilly seems to be upset. That’s when Sean Hannity approaches his Fox News colleague. As Hannity sits down on a lawn chair facing O’Reilly, he voices his concern. “You’re upset because Donald Trump endorsed Mitt Romney,” says Hannity. “I don’t blame you.” O’Reilly slammed his right hand on the picnic table as he screamed, “The liberals are going to laugh at us! Mitt is not a Christian! He’s a Mormon,” screamed O’Reilly. “They believe in wearing a holy undergarment called Magic Underwear! Romney invented Obama socialized medicine!”

Meanwhile, back in the cabin’s kitchen, Herman Cain is teaching a group of cooks how to make watermelon and chicken pizza. The rapper Coolio is taking down the recipe, wanting to add his secret ingredient of two scoops of crack cocaine.

It’s plain to see Herman Cain runs a hard kitchen, as the former Presidential candidate say, “Coolio…Is that what your mama named you? This is not the studio, and I’m not one of your gang banging friends from South Central,” reasoned Cain. “I don’t want any crack cocaine in this pizza I’m serving…I’m going to report you to Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney!”

Not far away, Governor Haley Barbour, Newt Gingrich and Senator Lindsey Graham are playing an old slave game called “Sos pad or Negro hair“. Haley Barbour is blind-folded, and Gingrich has a Sos pad in his right hand and he’s holding a chuck of Negro hair in his other hand. As Senator Graham is screaming at Barbour, “Tells us which one is the hair of a Negro!!!” Continue Reading…

It’s day two at the cabin…Bill O’Reilly is taking an early morning walk with Bret Baier, as both men stop to notice many more Republican and Tea Party members arriving at the cabin grounds. O’Reilly turns to Bret, asking “Have you had a chance to read my book, Killing Lincoln?” Bret replied, “Mr O’Reilly, I’ve read all your books. I want to be just like you!”

As the pair continued to walk, O’Reilly said, “It’s not an easy job Bret, but I’m going to make you my protege.”

Meanwhile, the cabin’s diner is buzzing with activity as Viola Davis and the singer Seal are busy serving Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and Bishop Alexander K. Sample their breakfast meals. As everyone takes in the most important meal of the day, James Earl Jones performs his song of choice “Ol’ Man River”. That’s when Jones is rudely interrupted by Mitt Romney. “Hey Jones, gimmie that microphone,” Romney demanded as he walked to the front of the stage. “We all know the Negroes can sing, for Christ’s sake they all have some sort of talent.”

Onlookers begin to cheer as Romney continues on with his speech.

“Obama can sing Al Green songs and Herman Cain can sing songs about making pizza, but no Negro can sing ‘America The Beautiful’ like me.” Continue Reading…

It’s opening day at Uncle Tom’s Cabin - a plantation equipped with cotton fields, watermelon patches, and a look out tower overlooking a murky swamp filled with alligators, mosquito’s and rodents (all imported from Africa and South America).

This year’s festivities at the retreat are brought to you buy by Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac, Snapple and Fox News.

Everyone is filled with excitement. Know why? Because this year, Andrew Breitbart will be broadcasting live from the retreat. That’s where tap dancers, lead by LMAFO dancers singing the sounds of a classic slave song (written back in 1867 by William Francis Allen),  Questlove is conducting the band which is playing “There’s A Meeting Here To-Night” for all on the cabin grounds to enjoy.

After the Fox News team arrived in a conservative Norwegian cruise ship, Bill O’Reilly was the first to exit the ship screaming;

“We took a cruise ship to show everyone that it’s perfectly safe…where’s my bag boy?” Continue Reading…

It’s the last day at of the retreat at the cabin…

All is not well. The revolution sparked by Colin Powell has caused a uproar. Almost half of the house Negroes have turned on their modern day slave masters…

Beyonce is seen running around in blackface screaming, “I wanna be black again..I wanna be black again!”

Across the plantation’s burning sugar cane fields, Sammy Sosa is dressed like Kunta Kinte while holding a machete in his right hand and a bag of over a hundred tubes of extreme whitener skin creams and a thousand tubes of hair relaxers in his left hand. As the rebellious house Negroes were to run by the sell-out athlete as part of their escape to freedom, Sammy screams to them, “Bleach is the new black…Fuzzy hair? I have relaxers to fix that!”

All of a sudden Sammy spotted Nicki Minaj, and as he turned to face her Lil Kim approached his left side and pointed a pistol at his rib cage saying, “Hands up Sosa and give me all them relaxers and skin white creams!” Suddenly out of no where Nicki Minaj charged Lil Kim like a WWE wrestler, ripped Kim’s weave off of her head and pulled out Kim’s inch long eye lashes. As Nicki bent down to pick up the bag of relaxers and skin whitening creams, Puffy pulled up in a Wrangler jeep and said “Nicki you got the hair relaxers?” Nicki said, “yes” and Puffy opened the door of his vehicle hollering, “Powell became black and flipped on his friends…let’s get out of here!” Continue Reading…