2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, both the hosts and guests teamed up for their own version of American Idol — “CABIN IDOL” The only difference from American Idol is Cabin Idol’s contestants must all perform in black face, while Newt Gingrich, Ann Coulter and Michael Steele judge each performance. Fox News’ Brian Kilmeade hosted the event, and welcomed the first act to hit the stage: Karl Rove and George Bush Jr. (who were dressed as RUN DMC; Karl was RUN and George was DMC), to deliver their rendition of “My Adidas”. The crowd got nutty when George stood in his B-Boy stance while Karl rapped. In the audience – Lou Dobbs suited up as one of “The Fat Boys”, doing the moonwalk, while Donald Rumsfeld walked around the crowd toting an AK-47 and smoking a blunt, like a Los Angeles gang banger.

Meanwhile, Whoopi Goldberg was leaving Los Angeles on Interstate-10. Before she left, she told everyone she knows that she didn’t want to hear anything about black history month. That’s why she said she took off on a turbo moped scooter to go to a place where she knows she belongs…

Back at the cabin, Bill O’Reilly received a standing ovation after he performed his impersonation of Barack Obama. This while Senator Mitt Romney was dressed as MC Hammer, walking around in his droopy Hammer pants and telling people “You Can’t Touch This.” – And, the waiters (T-Pain and Akon) handed out grape Kool Aid to the guests. (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Bill O’Reilly was on the phone talking to Marvet Britto. “Get down here…No one will know…It’s completely private!” Bill exclaimed. “Plus, you will end up getting more television exposure in the future!” After hanging up the phone, he picked up his favorite book “The Good, The Bad, and the Completely Ridiculous in American Life”. That’s when Fox News contributor, Dennis Miller, walked by. “Hey Bill what’s that you’re reading,” Dennis asked. Bill gently put down the read. “My book you idiot!” Bill screamed.

In New York City, Marvet Britto was spotted getting into a taxi cab heading for JFK International Airport. Marvet was totally excited. Know why? Because she knows she’s going to a place where she belongs mane…

Back at the cabin, Oliver North was seated across from actress Rae Dawn Chong. “In order for you get back into the limelight, you must be more like Hattie McDaniel,” Oliver said. “Now that’s an actress! She was the best and she was the first colored women to win an Oscar…And, she set the stage – Why do you think Halle Berry cried after she received her Oscar?” Rae smiled. “Excuse me Oliver, I’m going to watch Gone With The Wind right now.”

Meanwhile on the Van Wyck expressway, Stephon Marbury’s wife Latasha pulled up beside Marvet’s cab and pointed her TEC-9- pistol, and began shooting at the taxi. Marvet knew that having affairs with married men came with a cost. Her cab began moving at high speed when she kicked the cab door open. That’s when she was greeted by her hero, Captain Save A Hoe “Shaquille O’Neal”, driving his police cruiser. “Help me Shaq, Help me this bitch is trying to kill me!” Marvet screamed. Shaq stretched his right hand like “Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four”, and grabbed Marvet and her luggage out of the taxi, and placed her into his moving police cruiser. “Thanks Shaq, you’re my hero,” hollered Marvet. “Now please get me out of New York…I gotta get to the cabin!” (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, keynote speaker Sean Hannity was met with an enormous applause, after giving his speech. Dick Cheney was a part of that audience when he was heard telling Michael Steel, “You’re running our good party to the ground, and we all know you’re stealing money. Would you like to go hunting with me?” Before Michael could answer, Bill O’Reilly rudely interrupted the gentlemen. “Come on guys you can’t miss this. Follow me to the ballroom,” O’ Reilly said. “Lionel Richie is playing the piano while James Earl Jones sings Ol’ Man River.”

In Seattle, Amy Holmes was complaining about the marijuana dispensaries. Because Amy couldn’t take it anymore, she has decided to leave the good state of Washington for a place where she knows she belongs.

Back at the cabin, Ann Coulter was delivering her speech and her. “How can this happen?” Ann asked the crowd. “A man who once served Bill Clinton his coffee, is now the president of our great country!” the crowd cheered as they responded with a standing ovation. (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010
UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today, the people at Uncle Tom’s Cabin were full of even more excitement than usual, as the men are were elated to have the ladies begin checking in, this morning. Ann Coulter and Laura Bush were two of the first ladies to arrive at the cabin. The festivities are well underway as the two paired up with other high profile republican wives, including Cindy McCain. Fox News anchor Lauren Green and Fox News reporter Shola Olowu were doing a rendition of “The Color Purple”. That’s when Newt Gingrich was overheard telling General Tommy Franks “They’re doing a better job than Oprah Winfrey and Whoopi Goldberg did.” Toby Keith and Bill O’Reilly were also looking on when they told Harold Ford Jr. “We’re going to play pin the tail on the silly Negro and we chose you to play the Negro!” Bill’s face lit up, “How exciting is that!” O’Reilly exclaimed.

Meanwhile in Alabama, Condoleezza Rice was seated in a limo, en route to Huntsville International Airport…

Back at the cabin, Cindy McCain asked Rush Limbaugh, ” Do you have any OxyContin, Vicodin or any painkillers?” Rush smiled. “Of course I do…meet me in the bathroom,” Rush replied.

In a nearby swamp, Joe Lieberman is being held in a cage. “Let me out!” Joe screamed. “I won’t tell anybody anything about your operation!” Acting cabin correctional officer, Rick Ross, was suited in uniform and gold jewelry as he rushed to the cage. “Shut up Joe!” Rick ordered. “Nobody around here trusts you!” (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010
UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today up at Fox News headquarters, Greg Gutfeld’s was so furious that his head was about to explode, when he walked over to vent to David Lee Miller. “I don’t want to be here today,” Greg uttered. “Everyone is having such a great time at the cabin, and I’m stuck in this office!” But Greg’s energy is not affecting David’s in the least. That’s because David is elated getting more air time, with most of the anchors at the cabin. “Greg, I understand what you’re going through…I’m just like you and anybody else on the team,” David whispered. “We all would love to re-live the 1700’s America…when all minorities called us their master, but look on the bright side of things. Since Bill O’Reilly is away, you’re his substitute…Since Shepard Smith is away, I get his chair. We can both use this time to better our careers.” Greg became even more visibly irate, and pointed his finger at David. “Do you know what today is? Do you?” Greg uttered. “It’s President Lincoln’s birthday! Can you imagine the great celebrations taking place at the cabin, and guess what Miller? You and I are both missing out…It’s not fare!”

Meanwhile, BET founder, Robert Johnson, was hurdling over luggage as he rushed through Douglas International Airport. As Robert arrived at his gate, he performed a reenactment of OJ Simpson’s 1970’s Hertz car rental commercial to his fellow passengers, boarding the plane.

Back at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, the festivities were underway, as George Bush Sr. and W arrived. Los Angeles’ own KPWR (Power 106), Big Boy, was DJing on the porch to welcome the father/son team. To commemorate the event, Big Boy was dressed in drag…wearing black spandex pants, a pair of flip flops, and a cropped t-shirt bearing Perez Hilton’s face. As the sound of The Black Eyed Peas “I Got Feeling” filled the air, Big Boy began shaking his waist and rubbing his chest. (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010
UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Fox News headquarters, John Gibson wrapped the show, and walked off of the set, before running into Brian Wilson. “Hey Brian, can I talk to you for a minute?” John asked. Brian turned around. “Sure what’s the problem, John?” Brian inquired. John looked Brian dead in his eyes. “Do you think that Catherine Herridge is a lesbian?” John asked. Brian eyes peered right back at John’s. “We’re all republicans around here and if she is, Catherine will have to follow the same policies of the Army’s – Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” Brian said. “But, why do you ask?” “Last Saturday was Ronald Reagan’s birthday…I thought about him all day, and I know he wouldn’t approve of such anti-Christian acts,” John said. Brian nodded his head. “But, Just like we have token Latinos and Negroes, we also have token gays and lesbians here at Fox. Know why? It’s all business John,” Brian reasoned.

Meanwhile in California, Travis “Schleprok” McCoy was sporting a pair of Dickies shorts, a lumber jack shirt and a pair of Chuck Taylor’s, when he decided to part from his band “Gym Class Heroes”. His decision sparked McCoy to put his knapsack on his back and grabbed his personalized skateboard before leaving the studio, in search of a place where he knows he belongs. (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010
UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at the Fox News headquarters, Carl Cameron caught up with Wendell Goler, as he walked by. “Hey Wendell, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the cabin?” Carl asked. “I wish, but I was ordered to stick around to be the token office negro only because MSNBC and CNN are watching,” Wendell replied. “Mr Murdoch said I must stay on the air to let others see that there are minorities working here at Fox.” Carl nodded his head. “SMART…can you imagine what that idiot Keith Olbermann would say if he knew what was really going on over here at Fox?” said Carl. “I’m sorry that you’re missing out, but I’m not missing it for the world.” Wendell bowed his head in melancholy. “Can you at least send me some pictures to my phone, or bring back some footage of the festivities?” Wendell asked.

Carl quickly became visibly upset. “Are you serious?” Carl said. “If those images were to ever get out to the public, we’d be finished! Jacky is dying to get his hands on some of those. That’s why no cameras are allowed at the retreat!”

Wendell bowed his head in shame as he was scolded. “Anderson Cooper and all those other Liberals would have a field day with such material,” Carl said. “They’d ruin us!” Wendell raised his head and looked into Carl’s eyes. “Please don’t tell Mr. Murdoch about my stupidity,” Wendell pleaded.

Meanwhile in Los Angeles, Taye Diggs discovered a new way to avoid Los Angeles’ notorious traffic, by using a James Bond jet pack to fly over the 101 freeway to his rented submarine docked at a Long Beach pier. (more…)