Uncle Toms Cabin

Day 13th at the cabin retreat…

Colin Powell has changed the name of Jefferson Davis Square to Harriet Tubman Square, and this has Bill O’Reilly furious.

As the Fox Newsman rushes over to share his thoughts with Donald Rumsfeld. As O’Reilly approaches Rumsfeld, Senator Harold Ford walks over to him saying, “Mr O’Reilly…if any Negro bothers you on this plantation, just tell me and I’ll shoot them!” That’s when Rumsfeld walked down the steps of the cabin’s porch wearing army fatigues and holding his AK-47 and said to O’Reilly, “I already know that Powell re-named Jefferson Davis square. Now follow me over there.”

Meanwhile, Colin Powell has convinced half of the blacks at the plantation to join his revolt. Those blacks are burning the cotton fields and destroying everything in their reach. While this is happening, Puffy is teaching Jermaine Hall and his wife Siobhan O’Conner how to do the Macarena dance…

Oliver North is driving around an M41 Walker Bulldog tank and Rumsfeld is leading a army. Some of Rumsfeld troops include house Negroes who wish to stay and save the plantation. Suddenly out of no where, Sheriff Joe Arpaio appears riding on a white horse screaming, “Let’s go kill some Niggers!” Sarah Palin didn’t miss a beat…she quickly screams back at the sheriff, “Harold Ford and Judge Clarence Thomas are good Negroes!” Continue Reading…

Day 12 at the cabin…

As Bill O’Reilly puts together the 1st Annual Uncle Tom’s Coon Awards, Colin Powell forms an uprising at Jefferson Davis square to break the bondage at the plantation.

Tyler Perry is dressed as Madea as he listens to Colin Powell. That’s when he runs over to Bill O’Reilly and says, “Mr O’Reilly I have news for you!” O’Reilly looked at Tyler with a serious face asking, “Where Is this betrayal taking place… Boy?” Tyler immediately began acting like a child throwing a temper tantrum…rubbing his eyes and stomping his left leg saying, “Powell Is starting trouble at Jefferson Davis square Mr O’Reilly!” O’Reilly pointed the index finger of his right hand at Tyler’s face and said, “Boy go put on some damn pants and a decent shirt and don’t you ever talk to me wearing a dress again!” Tyler started to cry and was about to speak when O’Reilly said, “Shut up and don’t answer me you lady man…Yes you better do as I say lady man…Go tell Donald Rumsfeld it’s Tea Party time…Get the flags and the guns. Why are you still standing here? Get out of my face… Pinhead!” Tyler Perry ran off dressed in drag to tell Donald Rumsfeld the news…

Not knowing that Harold Ford had already told Donald Rumsfeld about the uprising, Tyler heads towards Donald Rumsfeld who was seated on a chair on the cabin’s front porch. Tyler is screaming “Mr. Rumsfeld…Mr. Rumsfeld they’re trying to escape…They’re starting trouble!” Rumsfeld got up from his seat to walk towards a running and screaming Tyler Perry. Continue Reading…

Day 11 at the cabin…

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UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT
3RD ANNUAL BLACK HISTORY MONTH CELEBRATION

Donald Rumsfeld has restrained Oliver North in a head lock as Rumsfeld’s henchman, Rapper Rick Ross (who’s suited up in his correctional officer uniform) aims his pistol at Oliver North’s head saying, “You better do what Mr.Rumsfeld wants Oliver!” Rumsfeld looked up at his henchman saying, “Put the pistol away…that won’t be necessary…Oliver knows I’ll kill him myself!” That’s when Rumsfeld addressed Oliver North as he tightened the head lock demanding, “Where’s my drugs?” Though Oliver began to choke, he was able to answer, “Flava Flav has it…I gave it to him to sell to colored and he was going to bring back the money to me…Donald I was going to give you all the money…I figured you will take the money to buy more ammunition!” Donald Rumsfeld released Oliver from the head lock and said, “I’ll handle Flava Flav.”

Meanwhile, Bill O’Reilly is having a talk with Sean Puffy Combs, “Listen boy I don’t care who you are…I don’t know you…But people like you and I want you to host The Coon Awards.” Puffy smiled as he replied, “You’re having an award show here on the plantation?” O’Reilly replied, “Yes…there will be an award show and you’re going to host it!”

All of a sudden, a voice echoed over the plantation grounds. It was coming from the P.A. system, and it was obviously the voice of Senator Lindsey Graham telling all the house Negroes not to talk to any of the guests until they’re spoken to. Continue Reading…

Day 10 at the cabin…

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT
3RD ANNUAL BLACK HISTORY MONTH CELEBRATION

Bill O’Reilly wants to spice up activity at the plantation, so he tracks down his colleagues in order to put their heads together to figure out getting some better entertainment from their house Negroes. They came up with The Coon Awards.

O’Reilly was overwhelmed by the new idea, and quickly ran over to Donald Trump asking, “Donnie you set up all the major beauty pageants, and I’m wondering if you could put together an award show for us on the plantation?” Donald rubbed his right hand through his toupee, “What do you have in mind Bill?” O’Reilly laugh saying, “It’s genius Donnie…I want you to set up The Coon Awards…With all the talented house Negroes around the plantation, our award show will be better than The Grammys!”

Meanwhile, Lamar Odom is running up to everyone asking them to smell his latest unisex fragrance Unbreakable and everyone is coughing and getting sick from the scent of the fragrance.

Over at the picnic area of the cabin grounds, Spike Lee is giving out free samples of his Absolut Brooklyn Vodka to all the house Negroes. When Puffy noticed what Spike Lee and Lamar Odom were doing, he became angry and felt like they were trying to cut in on his action. Puffy stared down Lamar and Spike with murder in his eyes, then quickly ran over to Lamar yelling, “Selling cologne and perfume was my idea…I started that shit first”…

Then the Bad Boy CEO ran over to Spike, pushed the director to the ground, picked up one of Spike’s vodka bottles, smashed it on the floor and started yelling ,“Ciroc taste better than Absolut…Fuck this Spike Lee dude…He’s a biter…I started selling liquor first…I keep people fucked up that’s why I’m rich…Spike and Lamar are jealous of my Bad Boy empire!” Continue Reading…

Day 9 at the cabin…

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Colin Powell has accosted Flava Flav, grabbing the rapper by his shirt collar saying, “Give me all the drugs that you have or I’ll beat you down.” Flav replied, “I ain’t got no dope.” That’s when Powell smacked Flav across his face and said, “If you don’t give me the crack that Oliver North gave… I’ll choke you to death with your clock chain.”

Flav could tell Powell was dead serious, and became frightened…so he reached into his right pant pocket and said, “Here it is man…all of it…Halle Berry was going to buy all this shit off me…What I’m I going to tell Oliver?” Powell took the drugs out of Flava Flav’s hand and said, “You tell him you lost it and if you mention my name it will be the worst mistake you have ever made…because it will cost you your life!”

Meanwhile, Juan Williams is running up to every house Negro asking them, “When are we going to escape?” Everyone who Juan addressed asked the sell-out what he was talking about. Juan became convinced that there wasn’t going to be any escape after Charles Barkley explained, “Juan we all love this place…Why are you asking people when we’re going to escape? Are you fucking stupid? This place is home sweet home.” Juan began to cry saying, “I’m sorry for offending you Charles…you brought tears to my eyes when you said this place is home sweet home.” Barkley looked at Juan and said, “It’s okay buddy let’s go celebrate…eat some watermelon, and do the cooking dance with Puffy and Soulja Boy.”

Over on the cabin’s porch, Bill O’Reilly,Ted Nugent and John Kasich are seated while drinking lemonade. O’Reilly is telling both Nugent and Kasich, “What happened in Egypt is all Obama’s fault…the damn country could turn into another Iran for Christ sake.” Ted Nugent replied, “Bill if our boys were still in power we would have invaded Egypt a long time ago.” That’s when John Kasich joined in on the conversation and said, “We need to send Benny Hinn and Joel Osteen over there to let the Egyptian people know that Jesus is better than Allah.” Continue Reading…