Uncle Toms Cabin

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT
3RD ANNUAL BLACK HISTORY MONTH CELEBRATION

(sponsored by Fox News, Coors Brewery, and Snapple)

Day four at the cabin….. All the silly house Negroes are having too much fun. Lionel Richie is on the cabin grounds. The singer’s hair is in jeri curls, and he’s dressed like the runaway slave from Huckleberry Finn, while singing All Night Long.

Lil Jon is walking around while sporting an Uncle Sam suit and a ridiculous top hat…he’s screaming in every house Negro’s ear “Yeah!!!”

Terry Crews and Al Roker are taking part in a watermelon-eating contest in the the cabin’s picnic area, as John McCain, Cindy McCain and Mitch McConnell chuckle while looking on.

Meanwhile, all is quite at the back of the cabin grounds. That’s where Juan Williams is holding a Chinese hand fan…waving it up and down on Lou Dobbs and Tea Party candidate Dick Armey…both men are soaking up the sun. Bill O’Reilly broke the silence as he stormed over to Lou Dobbs, screaming, “If you’re going to be working at Fox News I don’t want to see your fly swatting wife at our Christmas party!”

As O’Reilly walked over to the front of the cabin, he saw Oliver North grabbing Flava Flav by his shirt collar saying, “You getting high on my supply? You and your people love smoking crack!” Flava put his head down and said, “I’m having a hard time moving the stuff Mr. North, but wait till Halle Berry gets here, she’ll buy it all. Ya know, she’s a crackhead just like me.” Oliver laughed and said, “You’re right, but watch out for Donald Rumsfeld…he’ll lock your monkey ass up if he catches you with that stuff!” Continue Reading…

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT
3RD ANNUAL BLACK HISTORY MONTH CELEBRATION

(sponsored by Fox News, Coors Brewery, and Snapple)

Day 3 at the cabin… and excitement fills the air. Michael Clarke Duncan was sitting on the front porch with no shirt on, singing Ol’ Man River. This while Will.i.am leads a group of buck dancers as they continued to celebrate the re-opening of the cabin. Just a few feet away, a steel band from the Bahamas played their oil drums as Nicki Minaj (who was dressed like Kizzy from the movie Roots) sings Underneath The Mango Tree.

Sean Hannity and Newt Gingrich enjoyed the entertainment as they walked across the cabin grounds when they ran into Ann Coulter and Mo’Nique. That’s when Hannity chuckled as he overheard Ann telling Mo’Nique “I’ll have Debra Lee cancel your show if you shave your legs again. I dare you to shave your legs again. And why don’t you take your disgusting self over to where Nicki Minaj is and help her sing that mango song. You do like mango’s? Don’t you?” Mo’Nique began to cry and said, “Yes Miss Coulter.” Ann laugh and said, “Why are you still standing here? Get your obese ass over there and join Nicki!”

Meanwhile, Dick Cheney rounded up the boys to announce, “This year we should have a hunt!” That’s when Mitt Romney asked, “Who would we hunt?” Before Cheney could answer, Bill O’Reilly pointed to a crowd of house Negroes and said, “Them!” Cheney asked the boys, “Is Kobe here yet?” Steve Doocy replied, “No. But that’s an excellent choice.” O’Reilly took his handkerchief out of his suit jacket, wiped his forehead and said “He’s an athlete, a fast runner..plus he makes too much damn money…and this is exactly what Ronald Reagan and Charlton Heston would have wanted!” Continue Reading…

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT
3RD ANNUAL BLACK HISTORY MONTH CELEBRATION

Day two at the cabin….

Bill O’Reilly is a early riser, and it’s just at the top of the morning when he was standing in front of a mirror while pantomiming his speech for the opening festivities, to be held early next week. After about an hour of rehearsing his speech, O’Reilly decided to tune into Rush Limbaugh’s radio show. Limbaugh was doing exactly what he does best – preaching fear and hate to his audience, blaming the Obama administration for the situation in Eygpt.

As O’Reilly continued to listen to Limbaugh, he was putting on his shoes right when Donald Rumsfeld was welcomed as Rush’s guest. O’Reilly immediately sat upright on his bed to pay attention. Rumsfeld explained “This year at the cabin we have a jail built by Haliburton, I requested it… And this is the first time anybody is hearing about this jail I had built…Building this jail was a secret, but it’s not anymore because the jail is now open for it’s rightful occupants. Any loud bass music or if I see or get any reports of any blackie stuff on the cabin grounds, I’m locking them up.” O’Reilly immediately grabbed his jacket and ran out the door with excitement.

On the cabin grounds, Tyler Perry was dressed like Madea with his face made-up done like Natalie Portman in the Black Swan.

Tyler was entertaining his audience by doing the Hula hoop, cheered on by Britt Hume, Michelle Bachmann and Greta Van Susteren. That’s when Michele said “Tyler I loved your last film ‘For Colored Girls’ and I thank you for showing the world how despicable the black male is.” Britt, Greta all joined her in a good laugh. Continue Reading…

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT
3RD ANNUAL BLACK HISTORY MONTH CELEBRATION

It’s opening day at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, a plantation equipped with with cotton fields, watermelon patches, and a look out tower – standing tall over a murky swamp that’s filled with alligators, mosquito’s and rodents (all imported from Africa and South America).

This year’s festivities at the retreat are fictionally sponsored by Coors Brewery, Snapple and Fox News.

Everyone is filled with excitement because this year, Rush Limbaugh will be broadcasting live from the retreat. That’s where tap dancers being lead by Will.i.am dance and sing to the sounds of a classic slave song (written back in 1867 by William Francis Allen), while the band is conducted by Wynton Marsalis playing “There’s A Meeting Here To-Night” for all on the cabin grounds to enjoy.

After the Fox News helicopter landed, Bill O’Reilly was the first to exit the aircraft screaming “I need a boy to carry my bags.” As Glenn Beck, Dick Morris, Sean Hannity and Roger Ailes were exiting the chopper, Flav Flav ran over yelling at the top of his lungs “Yeah boy” before he picked-up O’Reilly’s luggage and other items. O’Reilly immediately smirked and looked at Roger Ailes saying “You’re genius for having Flava Flav as this year’s human porch monkey.”

As the Fox News staff walked towards the cabin’s entrance Roger Ailes turned to Bill O’Reilly and said “This year we have two human porch monkeys, and it wasn’t my idea for Flava Flav to be one of this year’s human porch monkey…you must thank the House Speaker John Boehner for that!” O’Reilly laughed so hard that his face turned beet-red and said, “John is brilliant I love him as much as I love this place…Who’s the other porch monkey Roger?” Then, Bill looked at Flav Flav and said “Tomorrow I want you wearing a bigger clock around your neck so you can know exactly what time it is for my breakfast!” Flava replied, “Yeah boy!” Continue Reading…

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

HSK Wants Your Picks for Uncle Tom’s Cabin Attendees!!!

Black History Month is just days away, and as most you know that’s when I list current top sell-outs along with their modern days slave masters. It’s called Uncle Tom’s Cabin, which is fictionally built by Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch. That’s where my picks journey to a giant reconstructed plantation equipped with over 400 rooms to house the sell-outs and their slave masters.

Because the month of February has 28 days, I need your help in narrowing down 28 names of sell-outs to check into Uncle Tom’s Cabin for each of those days. That’s why I’m looking to you, my readers, to tell me who you think belongs in Uncle Tom’s Cabin this Black History Month. Your sell-out pick needs to be a person of color who strives for power and wealth and has exploited their culture. Continue Reading…