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Jill Scott: “You Need A Village” To Raise A Child

April 4th, 2013

Jill Scott Speaks Out About Child Rearing

Shame On You Lil’ John Roberts!!!

It’s been about three-years since Jill Scott’s deadbeat baby daddy bounced, after the birth of their son. Now, the extraordinary songstress – and single mother – is sticking to the philosophy “it takes a village” to raise a child.

This news comes several months after Jill checked the shameful drummer for not providing for three-year-old Jett Hamilton Roberts. Now, the ‘Beautifully Human’ singer is letting her single mom woes be known.

Here’s what Jill Scott recently said to Ebony Magazine:

“That I-can-do-it-by-myself mentality is a lie. I’m sorry if I hurt anybody’s feelings, but you cannot do it all by yourself. You need a village: some aunties, grandmoms, friends.

I couldn’t do this by myself and would be a fool to think I could. It’s challenging being a single mom … No matter what I do, I’ll never be a man. Ever. I can show Jett how to be a thinker, how to enjoy music or how to feel, and to conquer. But I cannot show him how to be a man.”

Is Jill Scott my favorite artist, because she’s both talented AND wise? Of course! That’s why while I’m blogging throughout the day, I’m listening to Jill do her thang!!!





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121 Responses to “Jill Scott: “You Need A Village” To Raise A Child”

  1. Gigi Ali |

    Actual Factuals.. She aint lyin!!

    [Reply]

  2. Alex |

    Always respected her! She’s the type I thought would get a bomb ass man, though.

    [Reply]

  3. Anonymous |

    It does take a village however she doesn’t need a man in her life to show her son how to be a man. Hopefully she has uncles, cousins, friends and a father and most importantly the way SHE carries herself as a woman will be the best example since he will know what to look for in a righteous woman when it’s time for him to create a family. One can still be in a marriage/relationship and be single parent or have a male in the house who is anything but a “man”. (as alot of women do with that programming) Sounds like a damsel in distress – professionally and personally she is anything but.

    I wish her the best always liked Jilly from Philly’s energy – classy and positive lady. She doesn’t bad mouth the deadbeat dad and I am glad she has her finances in tact, makes life easier. Just hope she doesn’t take family advice from Erykah Badu.

    @Alex. bomb ass men are rare – especially before age 40ish. That is when most exhaust all their options in their youth before attempting to seriously get their ish together as life choices and circumstances catches up with them. (finances, relationships, spirituality, being proactive family and community members,etc)

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    Jill says it best, “I’ll never be a man”, “I cannot show him how to be a man.”
    “bomb ass men are rare” bomb ass this and bomb ass that. Where are the bomb ass women? Where is the land of all these Bomb Ass People. Why not come into the world of reality and do what comes naturally minus all the Bomb Ass shit!

    [Reply]

    LBrown Reply:

    I agree and disagree with your statement.

    I agree on the points that carrying herself as a strong woman and showing a positive example to her child is fundamental.

    A child desires strong examples from both sets of parents. If one parent is absent, the other can do their upmost to raise the child, however, there is always a sort of void from the lack of the other parent. This can also be switched to a father being present and mother being absent, etc. We like to think that to do your best, to love unconditionally, to fully support your child, educate your child, and mold them to become a compassionate and loving individual can be done through one parent. Yes, a lot can be done through one parent, but if the child has little or no interaction as a positive authority figure from the position of the other parent, it can cause rejection or isolation issues. Not always, no, but it is important for children to not grow a hatred and disconnect from the absentee parent. A good mother can do immeasurable amount of help for her child, but she cannot do it all.

    The point of “you need a village to raise a child” is outside even familial boundaries. The truth of the matter is, is that your surroundings, your neighborhood, your culture, the teachers, their friends, and their friend’s parents ultimately shapes the child along with the mother’s teachings.

    [Reply]

  4. lakwon |

    Jill’s a hoe. Maybe she shouldn’t have opened her obese legs to a member of her band without having a ring on it and being married for a while. Besides, I heard he was in a relationship when they smashed. I hope her son doesn’t end up in jail now.

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    R IN NYC Reply:

    wow obese legs? You just had to make her weight an issue right? I guess if her legs were skinny that would be better. Jill is a wonderful artist and I’m sure she’s a wonderful mother. I wish her the best.

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    googooballs Reply:

    he would have married her if she were fit

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    Kimmy Reply:

    I really hope your joking. This woman is beautiful….it’s one thing to be skinny and lack class or to be a thick, righteous thinking queen such as Ms. Scott….I choose the latter.

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    Anonymous Reply:

    @R in NY dude might have stayed it’s hard to leave a fine ass women. IJS. Personally I like her size. She ‘s oozes sex appeal

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    C-Mermaid Reply:

    Yeah because marriage guarantees that a man will not walk on you and your kid….STFU.

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    bababooey Reply:

    spoken like a manless ho lol

    [Reply]

    LBrown Reply:

    You. Gross.

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    So she’s a Ho for having pre marital sex with someone she spends time with almost everyday? Make it make sense

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    RC Reply:

    I don’t think Jill’s a hoe. But she IS a dumbass who, despite her talent & intelligence, let her twat do her thinkin’ for her. Which produces the same whack results that men get from letting their dick do their thinkin’ for them.

    Only a dumbass doesn’t know that:

    A) You NEVER sleep with the help. Whether you’re the boss in an office setting or the lead singer who hires the band, you do NOT screw people who work for you. At best, you’re turning an employee into a hooker, which always creates resentment & mistrust amongst the other employees. At worst, when things go south & they quit or get fired, they can sue yr ass for sexual harassment, even if there was none.

    B) Grown folks Jll’s age are supposed to know that Sex Gets You Babies. If you want to raise a child with someone, marry them first, then make babies. Human history has proven that doing it that way tends to work out better than the other way around. But you gotta Have The Talk BEFORE you get pregnant.

    If Jill wasn’t using bc, then she got knocked up on purpose — period. We get pregnant, not men, so the responsibility for bc is on US. You don’t have to take drugs for contraception, you can just be sure dude wears a condom every time. But if Jill didn’t think he was good enuf to marry, or if he didn’t want to wife her, then why wd she choose to have a baby with someone like that? And why cry about it when he doesn’t stick around?

    Jill’s not some starry-eyed 20-yr-old — she knew he was trifilin’ when she laid down with with him. Noww, she’s got a gorgeous little boy & no man to help raise him.

    [Reply]

    Mama Reply:

    RC,

    I agree with everything you said accept one thing:

    “You don’t have to take drugs for contraception, you can just be sure dude wears a condom every time”

    There are a LOT of (broken) condom babies out there.

    IJS

    [Reply]

    RC Reply:

    I hear ya, Mama — been there, done that. Thank goodness for Plan B! And hopefully, the court decision from NY last week making it OTC for girls under 17 will stand.

    [Reply]

    JCsGroove Reply:

    I can understand why you’re saying what you’re saying but,there’s only one problem….you kinda don’t have a clue of what you’re talking about.While the drummer is considered “help” he’s not just some random guy that was hired.They practically grew up together.The other problem is the father is actually in his son’s life.Media takes words and spin them all the time.Jill even had to post a tweet saying so after all this crap got twisted.I totally understand why people jump to conclusions but,just because it’s written in a popular magazine,it doesn’t mean it’s true.

    [Reply]

    nah Reply:

    nah

    [Reply]

  5. Single Mother of 2 Men and I Disagree with Jill |

    I disagree with Jill’s statement. I am the mother of 2 sons, the oldest an Electrical Engineer at 23 and the youngest currently in school for Petroleum Geology.

    I was a single mother and I cannot remember my kids (I also have a daughter) when they were small because I worked a lot and my job required traveling. I found a great baby sitter at my church who would stay in my home when I had to travel and she was paid well by my company. Although I had that luxury I didn’t raise boys I reared strong young men.

    No woman can teach a boy who to be a man, because as women we really cannot begin to understand what you go through. We share in your pain but we do not know it they way a man does.

    I instilled values in my boys. They only saw me have positive relationships (so that they would know how to treat a woman), I was home and not in the streets;they say a hard worker that provided for her family. It did not matter if I got home from work at 6 pm or 10 pm I cooked a hot meal from scratch for my kids every day.

    We always lived in nice places but we could not afford family vacations by plane because of the cost of travel therefore I would drive. We’d take road trips someone each year. My kids were exposed to something other than the city in which they lived.

    During the summer months I got creative with day care. For instance, math camps, space camps, AAU sports, buy season ticket to Six Flags (drop them off in the morning pick them up in the afternoon) when they hit the ages of 11 – 14. Kids never tire of amusement parks.

    When my boys was old enough I taught them how to use a mower, edger, and weed eater. $25 a lawn they earned at least $600 a week at ages 11 ad 12. My kids would complain about having to go to bed at 9 pm for school. I let them stay up as long as they wanted and gave them an alarm clock. I never woke them for school again. They were self sufficient.

    Teach your kids values, don’t bring each person you date around your kids, they do not need to experience all of your hits and misses. It does not take a village just a strong minded mother with a morals and a solid foundation.

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    that babysitter, daycare, family or any others would include the village. no man is an island. everything else is on point. a lot women feel they need a man and will settle. i hope your sons turn out to be great men, protectors and providers for their families. sounds like you did a great job, especially not bringing every guy you meet around them introducing them as their “uncle”.

    single or married children are being raised without values, integrity or morals. Big Meech and his brother who started Black Mafia Family grew up with both of their parents in a home and played instruments in the church as children, but we see the end result. So did the Kennedys, and you over the generations see how that clan has turned out. I had my parents(parents eventually divorced) and luckily as most of my friends. I do have some friends that came from single households male and female where each parent held it down. There is no real formula besides instilling values ethics and morals. I think its more detrimental to have two people who are not on the same accord than it is to be a single parent. You did a great job providing your kids a foundation.

    [Reply]

    Single Mother of 2 Men and I Disagree with Jill Reply:

    No matter how you rear your kids or what values you instill in them at the end of the day it is all about personal choice and decisions. Your kids have to make the right choices.

    I am a little unorthodox in how I get my point across. For example: when my kids were preteen they complained that they didn’t have anything mind you they had nice clothes and shoes (I only shopped at Macy’s, Dillards, Lands End, Gap, Lloyd & Taylor) video game systems and games etc.

    I called my cousin who lived in the Magnolia projects in the Nola and told her I was coming to New Orleans for the weekend and asked if she would babysit. I knew she would not turn down the money and I also knew that as soon as I gave her the $100 she was going straight to the crack house. I told my kids not to take their games or good clothes because they would never see them again.

    Well my kids were hard headed. They paced the play station, sega and I don’t think Xbox was out at that time. Well long story short, my peeps did not have any food in the house (refrigerator bare sold stamps for crack), she left before I got out of the projects she came back and took the game systems, returned to the crack house. Her kids put on my kids clothes, you get the picture. No cable TV they were scared to go outside because they were not accustomed to those little running around there unsupervised and fighting…… They were blowing up my cell. I told my oldest do not let your cousin know you have a cell phone and lord behold that was stolen to. I told them they were lucky she had lights on that weekend.

    They lasted one night and when I picked them up they have never complained about what they have or don’t have again and whenever I buy something for them to this day they always say “thank you I really appreciate it mama”.

    [Reply]

    Mama Reply:

    You’re my kinda mama! LOL

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    @Single Mother and any one else reading this. Never drop your kids off to be “babysitted” by a known crackhead family or not. GOD was truly with you and your kids.

    [Reply]

    Keeshia Reply:

    You are amazing!
    My mom used to badger us to do dishes. One day we came home to 1 cup, 1 plate, 1 bowl, 1 fork and 1 spoon. Five kids took turns using those utensils for 1 week. My mom never had to ask us to do dishes again.

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    I find it interesting that we are still having this conversation about a man in the house to help raise children (especially boys). All you need do for the answer is look in your community and see the young men there that were raised by a single parent (mom). If you see anything other than disaster, you are delusional the proof is in your face (no disrespect intended), I rest my case.!

    [Reply]

    Single Mother of 2 Men and I Disagree with Jill Reply:

    I’m not sure if you were directing your comment to me or not but in my community I see middle class mixed and/or white kids from single and two parent homes. The blacks that live here are professional folks (doctors, lawyers, mainly engineers, …) and their kids are well mannered.It is the white kids that are ghetto wearing there clothes hanging down their azz and listening to rap music. Their parent do not know what little Johnny is doing and in their eyes they can do no wrong. I see more well mannered kids in the projects. We teach our kids values they teach their kids privilege.

    As I said above it is all about personal choice and the decision you make. In my community there is a big problem with the middle and high school kids using heroin, crack, and meth. You can go to the mall and get it like your buying a pair of shoes. My kids were exposed to this stuff but because I talked to them to educate them on how you can get strung out and not have anything they made the personal “choice” not to do as their peers.

    On another extreme, I went to the internet and found pictures of both male and females with the nastiest sexually transmitted diseases I could find to show my boys this is what can happen when you go out there dipping the stick in every hole made available.

    Instill in your kids to be leaders not followers. My kids are strong they don’t follow what everybody else is doing. That is the best asset I could have given them because peer pressure is a mutha. You do not have to fit in just be you. Do your own thang.

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    @single mother seems like you didn’t do it along, hence it takes a village. Trust me those camps and AAU donate a lot off their time and money.

    [Reply]

  6. FyLe ForMatz |

    “That I-can-do-it-by-myself mentality is a lie.”

    well, shit…there’s GRIP of chics out there that think that’s a TRUTH.

    (lightweight example #1)

    RZA – Domestic Violence Pt. 2 – “I wear the pants dada, I’m the boss papa” – “See I don’t need a man, don’t need to see a man”

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  7. FyLe ForMatz |

    “the way SHE carries herself as a woman will be the best example”

    i disagree…but hey, to each ‘his’ own

    [Reply]

  8. Black Pearl |

    While I love and respect Jill and her music. Sometimes single-mothers don’t have a village to help them raise their children.

    Single-mothers alone regardless how they became single parents have to do the best they can without a village.

    It is extremely hard. But, it is possible for a single-mother to raise a healthy child alone. We just have to take the lemons that life gave us and make lemonade out of them.

    [Reply]

    "g" Reply:

    …sista I do not think in any way was Ms Scott was speaking to you-YOU sound as if your children are blessed to HAVE YOU, because like my Mommy (Daddy died when I was 3 but had all four Grands until two weeks before my 18th)and many other good parents all want the same thing-for yours to learn from your mistakes and be and do better than you. It’s not to say it can not be DONE ALONE..VERY WELL,TRUST. But think about it….some women (not you) use the phrase (way to often..i might add)”My child don’t need no man, cuz they got me…..well why they still lookin for one..if you are all “they” need why are you not enough for you? (Trust, it should be easy for an “adult” not to have a lover..if it’s so easy on a child not to have a parent) You are a rare breed….yours will be fine, because you are teaching them by example to ONLY drink the lemonade they prepare and not the kool aid they may be served…much respect.

    [Reply]

  9. Anonymous |

    Shame she didn’t think about this before having unprotected “sex”. Does anyone get married first anymore????

    [Reply]

  10. R IN NYC |

    Jill has the money to make up for that man not being there. A lot of single mothers do not have that luxury. I think it’s best not to have a sorry excuse for a father around than have him running in and out the child’s life.

    [Reply]

    googooballs Reply:

    dat bitch broke!!

    [Reply]

  11. RC |

    There is no woman nowhere on this planet that can teach a boy to be a man — period.

    Sistahs like Jill Scott want to lay up with men like they’re grown, but they aren’t mature enough to Practice Regular, Effective Birth Control. Men run the world, but WE still have the power to make a man a father against his will. Did Jill ask that man if he wanted to have a baby before she got knocked up? But now, everybody wants to dis him for stepping off. If a Brother wants to commit to being with you & raising a family, he’ll put a ring on it — period! But if you make him a father before he makes you his wife, chances are he won’t stick around becuz he never intended to stay with your ass from jump! She knew what kind of man he was from the beginning, so why get knocked up by a dude like that?

    I know it sounds harsh & folks don’t wanna hear it, but the Truth is the Truth, like it or not. We did not make ourselves. We did not make this world — God did. And He made the laws that apply to this world — natural laws, spiritual laws — that we can follow or ignore, but every choice has consequences. Like Chris Rock said, “You can drive a car with your feet, that doesn’t mean it’s to be done!” You may not crash right away, but anyone who gets in the car with you driving like that is a fool.

    We, as a people, are moving backwards, regressing instead of progressing — so it’s up to US to reverse that trend. Black families were stronger & more stable 3 generations ago than they are today becuz back then, we were taking the time to fall in love & get married BEFORE we started making babies! It’s just that simple & that profound. Even with less education, even before Civil Rights, even when all we did was go to school or work, come home, go to church & maybe a barbecue or house party once in a while — back when our choices were much more limited, Black families were strong & solid, with a wife/mother & a husband/father under the same roof. Our families were strong enough to endure Jim Crow, make it through the Great Migration North, survive the Civil Rights era. We Stuck Together! And that was becuz Brothers made it their business to Date & Court a Black woman, to woo & win her. He knew he wasn’t getting in her panties until AFTER he’d professed his love & proved it with plenty of attention & good behavior Over Time. One night stands were for hoes yo never saw again.

    If your man cd convince you that he loved you & planned to put a ring on it once he cd afford to get married, & if he made you fall in love with him, then MAYBE you wd knock boots (if you cd find a time & place to get your freak on). And then, you made sure he wore a condom becuz you were not even thinking about getting pregnant!

    Now, chicks head out to the club dressed like hoes showing off the goods, hoping to hook up with a baller or rapper That Same Night. They give it up looking to get cash or a car to drive for a few days or soem fancy shoes. If they can stick around long enough to get pregnant — Cha-Ching! Meal Ticket for the next 18 yrs. But they know good & damn well that man has no intention of loving them &/or raising his kid!

    If they’re fine & lucky, maybe they can be a video hoe for a few years & trick on the side. Or get on a reality show & get paid that way. And the Brothers all know the game is on, so they respond accordingly.

    The real problem is that this playa/hoe mentality gets transmitted throughout the culture by television. There aren’t shows like A DIFFERENT WORLD anymore, portraying young Blackfolks in college, educating themselves for a future career. Now our kids watch BASKETBALL WIVES & RHOA, shows that portray being a hoe as a career choice. (Maybe not all those chicks are hoes, but I don’t watch those shows, so the only ones I hear about are the hoes who get lots of press.) And the reality show hoes don’t even have to have actually marry a baller, as long as they had his baby & can live that lifestyle thanks to his child support $$.

    Sadly, most Blackfolks aren’t pissed off about this shit, becuz those programs are successful, hit tv shows. But you’ve never seen an Asian or Indian or African woman on any of those programs (& some of them do marry ballers), becuz those groups wd lined up in fcront of the tv sgtation The Next Day, protesting how their women were being depicted.

    Only a handful of Sistahs end up as lucky as Single Mother Of 2 has been, with her sons alive & well & at university. But a word to the wise — it’s a different world today. Try using Six Flags as day care now & I guarantee your child will end up molested or dead. And any parent who knowingly leaves their kids with a crackhead is courting disaster.

    I don’t care what White hoes like Kim K do — let Whitefolks destory themselves if they wish. But the fact that a Sistah can choose to have a baby w/out having a husband doesn’t make it a positive or wise choice. Good father figures are VERY hard to find becuz most Black men grow up w/out a father nowadays. Your uncle or grandpa might be a very good man, but is he a full-time family member living in your home? Children learn what they live & parenting is what happens around your kids every day, not just on the weekends. Even if your brother or uncle is a wonderful guy, even if he lives with you, seeing him interact with you will NOT teach your children how a man relates to his wife & the mother of his children. Not learning those lessons, not growing up with a positive husband/father-wife/mother paradigm, always puts children at a serious disadvantage in terms of their emotional & social development. You can’t recreate what you never learned in the first place.

    These are the last days, Blackfollks need to Wake Up!

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    Wow, you said it all. I read you post and my head was shaking “yes” the whole time. I wish more young black women would think like you or have a tilt in that direction. I give you a standing ovation for an “Excellent Game Plan” for the young black women of today! Excellent presentation, Bravo, Bravo, Bravo!!!!

    [Reply]

    Keepitrealnotkeepinitreal Reply:

    Great post rc

    [Reply]

    vermithrax173 Reply:

    @RC-Too much truth!!!! I am a single black woman in her early 40′s who is childless for all the reasons you stated and for one really big reason-FEAR. With the world being the way it is today and with finding a good man seeming like the journey of a thousand miles i have abstained from having children. I am not foolish enough to believe i can raise a boy or girl on my own. These women today are filled with all this tyler perry/terri mcmillan bull**** and they think men are not needed. Think that that’s true? That men are expendable in the child raising process? Well you just wait til they hit dating age and watch how fast all those beliefs will fly out the window!!! Boys need a man to show them how a man is supposed to act. WE CANNOT DO THAT! Miss me with all the replies saying but if a woman is strong enough and smart enough-BULL****!!! We do not have a penis so how can we teach a boy how to act when we have vaginas? That’s like saying you know what it is like to be in a wheelchair when you can walk. And girls need a father in the home to see how a man is supposed to treat a woman-to set the example. So that when she begins to date she seeks out the kind of man who treats her well and not some jackass who beats the hell out of her and calls her bitch every five minutes. Like someone said in the end your children become who they choose but at least as parents regardless to what path they choose you can say you set the right example even if they chose not to follow it.

    [Reply]

    Black Pearl Reply:

    vermithrax173

    While I thoroughly enjoy all of your comments. But, what you just stated is a bunch of bull.

    Duh!!! Even a 6th grader knows that boys and might I add girls needs a mother and father in the home. We all know that a mother cannot raise a son or teach him to be a man the way a father can.

    In my comment, making the best of my single parent situation, I wasn’t talking about your everyday hoe that is willing to spread eagle for any Tom, Dick, Harry and Larry without using protection then ends up getting pregnant.

    I was referring to women who had husbands but, lost them due to either divorce, death, abandonment, domestic violence etc…..

    No woman wants to be a single parent. What would you have a decent single- parent/woman do? Just take in any old scrub off the street just to say they got a man in the house. No!!!! Not me!!!!

    So, I did what I had to do, I went about the business of raising my sons. Sure it was hard, sure I wished that my husband was there to help me but, he wasn’t. So, I stopped throwing pity parties because no one was showing up but me.

    I went about taking care of business, raising my kids to the best of my ability while at the same time I was being a role model.

    Please, it irks me to no end when people who don’t have children or people who lump all single-parent/women in one rotten barrel. We are not all alike.

    For those of you who said that they cannot find any good examples of single-parent parenting in your neighborhoods/communities, then you should broaden your horizons. Because there are thousands of success stories out there

    [Reply]

    vermithrax173 Reply:

    @black pearl-In what part of my post did i say anything referring to you or what you said? I didn’t even read your post about being a single parent until a moment ago so where did that come from? Don’t attribute statements to me that i did not make! As far as your statement about taking any old scrub of a man where did i say that at? Not only did i not say that anywhere in my post i did not infer it. You obviously did not read what i said about my own problems finding a mate. Being a single parent is no one’s choice but if it happens then yes you must make the best of it. What i was referring to were those hoeish females who throw their coochie around like candy at a halloween party and have babies like a mountain hillybilly farm girl. So where in my post did i say anything about women like you? NOWHERE. You just attributed a bunch of statements to me that i never made and ran with it. And since when you have to have kids to know how to raise one? Last time i checked the only prerequisite for having and raising a child is intelligence. I know plenty of people that have kids that are godawful parents. So what you’re saying is only people with children have the right to have an opinion on this subject? Really? Okay well excuse me for sharing mine. In the future i will keep my viewpoints on threads like this to myself seeing as i have no right to comment being as it irks some people. And nowhere in my post did i lump all single parents together. Once again you put words in my mouth that i did not say. If you dislike my opinions so much may i suggest you bypass my posts altogether cuz it irks me when people say i said things i did not say.

    [Reply]

    Black Pearl Reply:

    vermithrax173

    Where do I start? It doesn’t matter if you read my post before hand.

    Yes, people who don’t have children have a right to voice their opinions about single parenthood. But, those opinions or comments would be more welcome if they were coming from a single parent/mom. In my opinion.

    Please don’t keep your opinions to yourself you are entitled to voice your opinions and so am I. I guess we are both irked.

    I made my point and that point was not all single moms are/were victims of participating in Hoedom.

    So, be it. I will not respond directly to any more of your comments again.

    [Reply]

    vermithrax173 Reply:

    @black pearl-I owe you an apology. It was not my intention to alienate you as a friend. We are both among the last remaining members of the pre March hsk posters. The incident i refer to as The Happening(thank you m.night shymalan! Lol!) You are one of my favorites as well. I think this thread is particularly touchy for us females-with and without children-cuz it calls into play personal accountability for who we open our legs to. And as a fellow female you know that is a standard men are not always held to. Guys can screw any and everything and are rarely called on it. I call them on it but that is a discussion for another time. The reason i reacted so harshly was cuz you made it seem as though i were talking about you specifically and i was so not. Please feel free to continue to express your views on any post of mine and i hope you feel the same about me. I value your opinion as a female and i assume from your name a black female as well. I do not want an adversarial relationship with you and i hope you do not wish one with me. As for this story how about we agree to disagree?

    RC Reply:

    vermithrax173,

    Thanks for the props.I am also childless by choice & have no regrets. My parents were regular folks who happened to have it in them to be extraordinary parents. But by the time I got to university, I realized that most Blackfolks hadn’t grown up with a father at all, much less a genuine Daddy like mine.

    Once you know what a good husband & father is supposed to be, you can’t unlearn that, so you can’t fall for the okey-doke. Well, I guess you can, if you want to ignore everything you learned growing up. Ony a knucklehead does that.

    My parents would have kicked my ass if I came home pregnant w/out a husband! And every sane person I know wants to give their child MORE than what they had growing up, not less. So letting some dude turn me into his BabyMama was not an option.

    The sad thing is, now other Sistahs look at you cross-eyed when you tell then you don’t have a kid, like you’re an alien from another planet! They assume you’re a lesbian or they think you think you’re siditty & decide they don’t like you right off the bat. Becuz BabyMama has become the default setting for what is means to be a Black woman in America now.

    Insane in the membrane…

    [Reply]

  12. Anonymous |

    Umm men don’t have to have sex either..at all… if they do not want children

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    Men don’t have to abstain, too much willing free loose pussy around.

    [Reply]

  13. FyLe ForMatz |

    “if you are all “they” need why are you not enough for you?”

    DAT’S GANGSTA.

    excellent point

    [Reply]

  14. RC |

    Anonymous –

    Men don’t have to have sex, but most won’t say no when it’s offered. I’m just saying that a Brother needs to ALWAYS put a hat on Mr. Johnson when he comes out to play, unless he’s specifically trying to make a baby. In which case, he shd be bedding his wife.

    But if you know she’s a hoe, leave her alone!

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    @RC I remember a time when I tried to abstain without sex and change my womanizing ways. I met this female told her where I was coming from. After about two weeks she called me over to her house and wanted to know If I was gay. Needless to say I resorted to my old behaviors. She ended up trying to run me over in her car as I was in the parking lot on my way to work. I regret letting her control me like that. I shared that story to say this. It’s hard being a black man out here when society has put us into a box of what they deemed acceptable behavior. I am older now and got my head on straight. I had two teenage girls approached me recently and asked me if I thought I could handle both of them. I told them to call me when they graduated high school and if they both have all A’s we’ll see. I’ve had women tell me they like the old me. I them that dude no longer exist. I don’t know what’s the answer or reason why women are more attracted to certain type of man, usually the Mr. Wrong. I thank you for your post. You are always so insightful and so on point.

    [Reply]

    RC Reply:

    Anonymous (& there are too many people using that handle here! So I’ll repost part of what you said.):

    April 5th, 2013
    “@RC – I remember a time when I tried to abstain without sex and change my womanizing ways. I met this female told her where I was coming from. After about two weeks she called me over to her house and wanted to know If I was gay. Needless to say I resorted to my old behaviors. She ended up trying to run me over in her car as I was in the parking lot on my way to work. I regret letting her control me like that.

    I shared that story to say this. It’s hard being a black man out here when society has put us into a box of what they deemed acceptable behavior.”
    ———————————————–
    LOL! Well, thanks for sharing. I’ve heard smlar stories from Brothers. I apologize on behaf my Teammates. If you’ve told a woman from Day 1 that you’re staight but celibate for the time being, she’s either a dumbass or deeply insecure if she comes back later asking you if you’re gay. Either way, it’s not your problem.

    More single folks need to try celibacy, even just for 6 mos. ESP. the ones who are aleady “in a relationship”. When you don’t have sex betwen you as a distraction, the true colors of your relaionship become glaringly evident.

    [Reply]

  15. FyLe ForMatz |

    “If a Brother wants to commit to being with you & raising a family, he’ll put a ring on it — period! But if you make him a father before he makes you his wife, chances are he won’t stick around becuz he never intended to stay with your ass from jump!”

    100% facts…all true; couldn’t have said it better myself.

    [Reply]

    Sassy24 Reply:

    Absolute truth.

    [Reply]

  16. FyLe ForMatz |

    “She knew what kind of man he was from the beginning, so why get knocked up by a dude like that?”

    RIGHT.

    seems like there’s WAY TOO MANY chics out there that think “he’ll change when we have a baby”

    on a serious note – logic > emotions when it comes to bringing children into this world.

    [Reply]

  17. FyLe ForMatz |

    “The real problem is that this playa/hoe mentality gets transmitted throughout the culture by television. ”

    EXACTLY.

    T.V. and MUSIC.

    “not growing up with a positive husband/father-wife/mother paradigm, always puts children at a serious disadvantage in terms of their emotional & social development.”

    i agree 100%!

    “These are the last days, Blackfollks need to Wake Up!”

    RIGHT.

    but what’s the odds of THAT happening???

    [Reply]

  18. Anonymous |

    She knew what this was when she first opened her legs and allowed this guy to bust in her with no protection and no marriage agreement.
    She has the money to hire child care and she made the decision to have a child as a single mom.
    Now live with it.

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    Not that a marriage license ensures that a relationship will last forever, but it is an indicator that some discussions have occurred between the man and woman.
    Some kind of plan was formulated about future plans for the relationship and some though has gone into it. Children has been discussed, economics have been discussed, goals have been discussed and compatibility has been analyzed and families probably have been involved in the screening process..

    That’s what marriage means. It means a nigga is serious

    [Reply]

  19. Keepitrealnotkeepinitreal |

    May be time to shift your thinking. Instead of being a woman who needs a man try becoming a woman who a man needs. Trust – they get rings.

    [Reply]

    RUSTILLDOWN Reply:

    Yes. My husband needs me and he has become my fourth child!!! Great guy and very loyal. We are tight like the wonder twins, but he knows I am a leader in keeping the household running at 100 percent. Taking a toll on me and now I want to be a gold digger!!! Just kidding!

    [Reply]

    RUSTILLDOWN Reply:

    So the moral to the story is there is no easy paradise whether you are single or married. Both come with burdens.

    [Reply]

  20. FyLe ForMatz |

    “That’s what marriage means. It means a nigga is serious”

    serious for a hot minute.

    if cats was so damn serious about marriage, there wouldn’t be so many divorces these days.

    [Reply]

  21. RC |

    I feel you, FyLe ForMatz. A marriage license is no guarantee of a lasting union. All I’m saying is, “Nothing beats a failure but a try”.

    If we’d at least Get Married First, then have babies, we’d be doing everything we can to try & create families that will thrive. When Blackfolks were doing it like that back in the day, more of us stayed married, our daughters stayed off the pole, our sons stayed outta jail. We’ve all seen that 40 yrs. of making babies w/out being maried is NOT working for us. And we can’t blame the White man for that.

    I think it’s time to rewind & get back to the old-school ways, before we lose yet another generation of Black kids.

    Having said all that…

    The ignorant-ass so-called ‘father’ of Lil Poopy got off scott-free today & won’t be charged with child engangerment after letting his 9-yr-old son rap about cocaine & slap hoes on their asses in a music video:

    http://bostonherald.com/news_opinion/local_coverage/2013/04/rapper_lil_poopy_s_dad_cleared_of_abuse

    But the Brother who whipped his 2 daughters for taping themselves twerking & posting it on Facebooks is now n jail! (But who the hell taped HIM giving them the beating & posted that shit?)

    http://www.ibtimes.com/gregory-horn-arrested-beating-daughters-cable-wire-viral-video-video-1174055

    I keep tryin’ to fix my face NOT to say it was racism because the Latino guy (in Boston, no less) got over while the Brother’s in jail, but I dunno…

    [Reply]

  22. FyLe ForMatz |

    “When Blackfolks were doing it like that back in the day”

    BACK IN THE DAY was a whole nother WORLD compared to today.

    SOCIETY is different these days.

    that’s why i don’t think MARRIAGE is the key; ANYMORE

    it’s deeper than a license NOW.

    eveybody that knows people that been married for 30+ years and all that shit? IT’S OVER, lol.

    time to go back to the drawing board, because TIMES HAVE CHANGED – and that’s my WORD.

    [Reply]

  23. FyLe ForMatz |

    @RC: “When Blackfolks were doing it like that back in the day, more of us stayed married, our daughters stayed off the pole, our sons stayed outta jail”

    that wasn’t about MARRIAGE back then…that was about CULTURE.

    back then, “YOLO” didn’t exist either, feel me? neither did GANGSTA RAP and a shit load of other bullshit.

    [Reply]

  24. FyLe ForMatz |

    @RC: “I think it’s time to rewind & get back to the old-school ways, before we lose yet another generation of Black kids.”

    too late.

    $.02

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    @Fyle ForMatz, dam I feel you, but what the answer. Do we just build a boat like Noah. IJS. I used to get a whipping for walking about older people and not speaking. My mom would’ve been locked up, on 60 minutes, CNN, dateline and Outside the line. Thank you Momma

    [Reply]

  25. FyLe ForMatz |

    “but what the answer. Do we just build a boat like Noah”

    there isn’t an answer.

    we’ve been CHECKMATED a long time ago…we just won’t see it for another 20 years or so.

    after we actually see the problem WITH OURSELVES and our VALUES, then we’ll be able to make some changes.

    until our VALUES change, we’re just gonna keep losing and being the laughing stock of society.

    we gotta quit being so damn impressionable, gullible, and ignorant.

    but honestly? there’s HUNNERDS of niggaz that have outlines and guidelines for what Black people need to do.

    niggaz been having guidelines for DECADES now…but do we wanna actually USE the guidelines?

    NOPE!

    we just want to keep doing our own thing and stacking our own paper so we can feel more ‘successful’ than the next man…

    all we want is the MONEY…not the COMMUNITY. – - – THAT is the problem – - -

    or we want JESUS…and everyone that ain’t down wit JESUS, then we ain’t down wit ya’ll…shit is BEYOND corny.

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    Thanks Bro

    [Reply]

  26. RC |

    ForMatz, you said: “Eveybody that knows people that been married for 30+ years and all that shit? IT’S OVER, lol.”

    I know a few folks who have been married 30+ yrs. becuz I’m prolly a lot older than you. But are you really so brainwashed that you think that can’t be achieved by Blackfolks? That long-standing marriages are ‘over’ for us?

    If other races can get married & stay married for decades, why can’t we? Seriously — do you really think there’s something inherently wrong or lacking within Blacks that prevents us from getting married & staying married?

    Because I REALLY dont think you meant to suggest that! Or to write ‘LOL’ as if our failed families are some kind of joke.

    So what do you think the problem is? We know America is a fucked-up place for most folks who aren’t part of the ruling elite. But do you REALLY think all the regular Janes & Joes of other races have some kinda mojo we lack that allows them to create & sustain strong families?

    Becuz I KNOW that’s a bunch of BULLSHIT!

    A successful family is no different than a successful golf game or a successful career or business. YOU ACHIEVE IT BY GETTING THE RIGHT INSTRUCTION, THEN PUTTING IN THE WORK. Dr. Ben Carson wasn’t born with a scalpel in his hand. His mother only had a 3rd grade education, she divorced his dad when he was only 8. Carson was raised in the ghetto by a poor, single mother with no schooling, just like millions of Blackfolks. And he wasn’t a stellar student at first. But his mother didn’t say “Well, I’m poor & uneducated so WTF can we do?”. She kept her 2 kids in the house after school, curtailed their tv viewing, made them read 2 books a week & write reports on them, even tho’ she herself was illiterate. Over time, Ben went from hating to read to loving learning & excelling in school. He went on to become the finest neurosurgeon in the country. His brother became an electrical engineer.

    AND Dr. Carson is STILL MARRIED to his original (Black) wife, since 1975. They have 3 grown children. Even tho’ he grew up without a father, he was raisied in a Christian home & he managed to figure out how to choose a good wife & stay married to her. So it’s not impossible. Folks are free to reject Jesus if they wish, but Dr. Carson will tell you that having God in your life can help you achieve plenty of ‘impossible’ things.

    [cue inspirational gospel track] :)

    Alright, I’ll get down off my soapbox now & go to to bed. But know this: If folks like you keep letting yourselves be convinced that the best & finest of who we are, collectively as Black people, is long gone & lost in the past, then our race really IS doomed. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

    When you’re trying to get somewhere & you end up wandering off the right path, eventually you realize that you’re lost. You’re steady travelin’ but not reaching your destination. Then, you have 2 choices. You can keep heading down the path you’re on, even tho’ you’ve already know it’s not getting you where you want to be. Or you can backtrack, return to where you made that wrong turn, find your way back to the right path & continue onward from there. Becuz you know the right path WILL get you to your destination. It’s the same path those who came before you took to get to where they were going.

    YOUR MIND BELONGS TO YOU, FORMATZ. YOU CAN APPLY IT TO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE & WHEREVER YOU WANT TO GO. Forget about the Illiminati, politics, Hollywood, the budget deficit, Beyonce & Jay-Z, the playoffs — none of that is part of your sphere of influence. You can’t control that shit, it’s all just a sideshow.

    The man you love or the woman you love & the babies you made, THAT is your destination. THAT is what your journey is for & about. And family is where you came from as well as where you’re going. If our families are failing, if they’re broken & scattered & their members are not thriving, nothing else we have or achieve in life means a damn.

    Understand that the past isn’t some dusty old artifact — everything you are now is becuz of all the choices you made yesterday & last year & all the choices your ancestors made that got you here. Nobody can achieve a future without relying on the wisdom & traditions & skills set from their people’s past.

    Every group on this planet cherishes & clings to their past except African-Americans. Whites kidnapped our ancestors from their homeland so we were cut off from the historical knowledge of our past. They changed our languages so we were cut off from the cultural knowledge of our past, to a great degree. Then they sent us to schools that filled our heards with THEIR history & culture, (most of which was lies). But we’ve been fallin’ for the okey-doke for too long — we know better now! If we stop chasing the next new thing & look back & what worked for us in the past, whether it was a decade ago or a generation ago or 40 yrs. ago, then we CAN find our way back to the right path.

    And we don’t need an action plan from some book or lecture series to figure it out. We just need to turn off the cell phones & I-pods & noise, be still & think for a minute, so our common sense can kick in.

    If we don’t, Black families will keep failing ’til we finally end up extinct. Like the Native Americans are about to be in a minute.

    But nothing’s gonna change ’til we change.

    [Reply]

    christa Reply:

    RC I don’t want to diminish your words with comment. They stand alone against the storm. Let me just say thank you so very much for taking the time to share your words. You have restored my hope for our future just a bit. You have me in tears.

    [Reply]

  27. Keepitrealnotkeepinitreal |

    Fyle – you hit the nail in the nuts bro. Impressionable. The feminist movement took our queens from their vital role as helpmates and the backbone of our families, communities and our black villages. What they didnt know was the leaders of that movement were lesbian and their goal was to go mainstream AND get you off your square. It continues today as this real housewife (not actually wives but whatever) has our sisters of all ages captivated and spellbound. Smart sisters want the things they see these trifling hoes with and doing on the show. And it aint just our young tuning in. We need our queens back.
    And on the male side they got us with superfly and shaft. Then came the drugs. Then the NBA went from airing one game a week to 10. Then ESPN gave you sports 24-7. All to distract us from education. We got drafted into viet nam so we wouldnt go to college right after high school. Came back strung out, fucked up and disconnected from our woman. It worked cus it seems blk men and women hate each other. The question isnt are there couples who have been married 30 plus. The question is who getting married today will last 30 plus? This plan to fuck us up goes back longer than you think and our impressionable asses fall right in. They are building underground cities for themselves. Wake up people.

    [Reply]

    vermithrax173 Reply:

    @keepitreal-I respectfully disagree with you. The feminist movement had no effect on black women becuz it did not include us. When white women fight for things it is always things that benefit them not us. When they fought for the right to vote during suffrage we were not a thought in that party. George Carlin said white women don’t care about the problems of women of color and they don’t. When gloria steinam aka queen mother carpet muncher was burning her bra she was not protesting on our behalf. Idk when the division between black men/women began but it is running on all four cylinders now. We mistrust, dislike and despise each other and i have no doubt it is a part of the masterplan to put black folks back in chains. I can tell you that one of the things that helped divide us wasblack women being treated better in the workplace than black men.

    [Reply]

    Keepitrealnotkeepinitreal Reply:

    Our women burned bras, used birth control to engage in free love/sex, listened and embraced the message that they didnt need a man to tell them what to do, and read Cosmo just like everybody else. It did impact us.

    [Reply]

    vermithrax173 Reply:

    Read Cosmo? Lol!!! Well i remember talking to my aunt about all this an she was around when it was going down and she said while a few sistahs engaged in all that the majority of black women didn’t drink the kool aid. I believe her cuz when you see those old film clips from that time what do you see? White people. You don’t see big gobs of black folks dancing around azz naked with flowers in their hair. No question it had an impact but i don’t think it was as much of one as you think. As for birth control hell women of every color jumped on that bandwagon! Lol! Hell i’m gonna ride that train til the wheels fall off!!! Rotflmao!!!! But there is no denying that there has always been a divide between black and white women so our destinies have never been intertwined that much. But that is my opinion and you may feel free to disagree.

    [Reply]

  28. vermithrax173 |

    Ever since then black men have resented us and i believe the chasm has only enlarged since. But like Fyle said the old days are gone so there is no point in wishing for the good old days to return but if there is a true tragedy in all of this it is the relationship between our men and women. And by the way it was not hard to tell that gloria steinam was a lesbian! Trust me her and her ms magazine bull dagger crew fooled no one!!

    [Reply]

  29. Black Pearl |

    vermithrax173

    No worries, apology accepted. I also apologize to you.

    [Reply]

  30. FyLe ForMatz |

    @RC: “are you really so brainwashed that you think that can’t be achieved by Blackfolks? That long-standing marriages are ‘over’ for us?”

    sure it can be “ACHIEVED”, but that’s not the REAL problem.

    and if you’re “prolly a lot older than” me, it’s going to be that much more difficult for you to see the REAL problem…

    “brainwashed”? NOT EVEN CLOSE.

    [Reply]

  31. FyLe ForMatz |

    @RC: “do you really think there’s something inherently wrong or lacking within Blacks that prevents us from getting married & staying married?”

    yes…i sure do!

    THREE THINGS, actually (which i outlined earlier)

    1. impressionable

    2. gullible

    3. ignorant

    those three things make us as easy to manipulate as PLAY-DOH

    [Reply]

  32. FyLe ForMatz |

    @RC: “Or to write ‘LOL’ as if our failed families are some kind of joke.”

    our failed families aren’t a joke at all.

    but thinking that MARRIAGE is the single or MAIN solution IS a joke, for the record.

    [Reply]

  33. FyLe ForMatz |

    “do you REALLY think all the regular Janes & Joes of other races have some kinda mojo we lack that allows them to create & sustain strong families?”

    they have the benefit of not wanting to be WHITE.

    they have more cultural PRIDE and RESPECT for their heritage.

    Black folk? we’ll sell out our culture and our people in favor of some money with White faces on it…we’ll sell out our culture in favor of a White Jesus…we’ll sell out our music and allow White people to make a mockery of our art – or let them be the #1 SELLING RAPPER OF ALL TIME (Eminem).

    other cultures actually have PRIDE in being who they are.

    …and since we don’t have PRIDE in being who we are (AS A RACE), we ROT…families ROT…values ROT…ethics and morals ROT.

    [Reply]

  34. FyLe ForMatz |

    @RC: “When you’re trying to get somewhere & you end up wandering off the right path, eventually you realize that you’re lost. You’re steady travelin’ but not reaching your destination. Then, you have 2 choices. You can keep heading down the path you’re on, even tho’ you’ve already know it’s not getting you where you want to be. Or you can backtrack, return to where you made that wrong turn, find your way back to the right path & continue onward from there.”

    I AGREE 100%.

    i just don’t think that Black people AS A WHOLE are at that point yet.

    like i already said, it’s gonna take us another 20 years or so (at LEAST) to get to that point.

    [Reply]

  35. FyLe ForMatz |

    @RC: “Every group on this planet cherishes & clings to their past except African-Americans.”

    RIGHT. i agree with that statement 100%!

    @RC: “we’ve been fallin’ for the okey-doke for too long — we know better now! If we stop chasing the next new thing & look back & what worked for us in the past, whether it was a decade ago or a generation ago or 40 yrs. ago, then we CAN find our way back to the right path.”

    RIGHT.

    - – - BUT – - –

    we AIN’T GONNA DO THAT.

    sure a FEW OF US will…but not the MAJORITY.

    not MILLIONS will do that…maybe a few thousands (or even one hunnerd thousand) – but we ain’t gonna do that as a WHOLE. in other words: SOME will – MOST will NOT.

    [Reply]

  36. FyLe ForMatz |

    @RC: “We just need to turn off the cell phones & I-pods & noise, be still & think for a minute, so our common sense can kick in.”

    WE AIN’T GONNA DO THAT EITHER…real talk

    @RC: “If we don’t, Black families will keep failing ’til we finally end up extinct. Like the Native Americans are about to be in a minute.”

    RIGHT.

    we’re gonna be gone…but do we care??? NO.

    we don’t got time to be worried about that…we’re too busy GETTING MONEY…or we think that Jesus is gonna save us from extinction / genocide.

    again, shit is BEYOND corny.

    [Reply]

  37. FyLe ForMatz |

    @Keepitrealnotkeepinitreal: “It continues today as this real housewife (not actually wives but whatever) has our sisters of all ages captivated and spellbound. Smart sisters want the things they see these trifling hoes with and doing on the show. And it aint just our young tuning in.”

    EXACTLY!!!

    but are we aware of the DAMAGE that these shows are doing??

    NO!

    all we do is say, “you’re tripping”, “you don’t know what you’re talking about”, “you’re just jealous”, “you’re just a hater”.

    we don’t want the TRUTH…we want the MONEY and / or the FAME – - – we want the ILLUSION – STRAIGHT UP.

    if we don’t have the ILLUSION, we don’t feel like we’re really LIVING.

    it’s sad – but that’s exactly what IS going on…exactly what’s BEEN going on…and will KEEP going on until we’re up and out of here.

    but we don’t care.

    “FUKC YOU, PAY ME” is the motto…or that “YOLO” bullshit.

    it’s DISGUSTING.

    [Reply]

  38. FyLe ForMatz |

    @Keepitrealnotkeepinitreal:

    “The question isnt are there couples who have been married 30 plus. The question is who getting married today will last 30 plus?”

    EXACTLY!!!

    “on the male side they got us with superfly and shaft. Then came the drugs.”

    word…word…

    “It worked cus it seems blk men and women hate each other”

    RIGHT.

    they hated us FIRST…now WE hate us.

    [Reply]

  39. FyLe ForMatz |

    @vermithrax173:

    “We mistrust, dislike and despise each other and i have no doubt it is a part of the masterplan…”

    I AGREE 100%!!!

    [Reply]

  40. FyLe ForMatz |

    @vermithrax173:

    “i believe the chasm has only enlarged since”

    RIGHT!

    but Black people gotta really step back and look at that and figure out that that isn’t just a COINCIDENCE.

    but do we want to critically think?

    NOPE!

    just give us the money! no time to worry about community, family, and Black man / Black woman relationships! there’s only time to STUNT on niggaz and byatchez!

    …sad…

    [Reply]

  41. FyLe ForMatz |

    just give us a White Jesus and a White woman (or a woman that has 25%-50% White in her) and WE GOOD!

    oh yeah…don’t forget about the White BRAND NAMES (GUCCI, LOUIS, PRADA, FENDI, etc.) gotta have those too, …and we GOOD!

    smh.

    sorry for the RANT, ya’ll…but this shit is fukcing REAL.

    [Reply]

  42. christa |

    This thread is the TRUTH! This is why I loved coming to HSK from the jump. It wasn’t because the gossip was juicier than that at Necole Bitchie or that the tea was hotter than that poured by Ms Panache….it was because of the discussions which sprung from the subject of the gossip item. You will not see this sort of genuine heart felt opinion swapping and personal testimony sharing at any other urban entertainment site. And yes, we do get a some input from bonafied characters too, but it’s all part of the mix.

    I kept posting like a mofo after The Happening regardless of how the tide appeared to be turning. I didn’t really feel it was terribly important to check and verify who was editing the blog for a minute. No, I stayed because I did not want to see the end of threads like this!
    Every one of y’all who shared her feminine or his masculine take on this extremely touchy subject, I enjoyed reading your point of view and your experiential posts. I learned a lot, and as someone said previously, I found myself doing a lot of nodding.
    We haven’t had such a thought provoking, post inducing topic thread as this since OH LIV EE AY beat down Gabby at Thanksgiving! And now the original queen of the cray is preggers again! Lawdy Lawd…

    It’s the people that make this site great, apologies to Jacky. *wink*

    [Reply]

    LBrown Reply:

    Exactly. I feel the same way… And I can’t help notice but we are fellow southerners. :)

    [Reply]

    christa Reply:

    Agreed LBrown! I am repping New Orleans and the A. How bout you?

    [Reply]

    LBrown Reply:

    Louisiana born, OKC raised. :)

    [Reply]

    christa Reply:

    You wouldn’t be any chance be a Creole sista or brotha would you?

    Shout out to the Creole family!!

    [Reply]

    LBrown Reply:

    A part Creole and part Choctaw sista. :)

    I haven’t had good gumbo in two years… I’m going through withdrawals.

    christa Reply:

    @ LBrown I will dedicate my next pot of my special secret family recipe gumbo in your honor!
    Hey Pocky Way!!

    vermithrax173 Reply:

    @christa-Hey sis! Woo holy jumped up bald head jesus palomino old looney tunes berry is pregnant again?!! DAMN!!!! Boy they need to start regulating who they let have kids like in those futuristic films(gattaca, logan’s run, etc) cuz women like her are the type of mothers that ruin kids!!! @Black Pearl-Now she is the type of female i was talking about-getting pregnant by random men, too mentally immature to raise a child, can’t hang on to a man to save her life but despite it all continues to get knocked up!!! If you looked up dumbass,chickenhead,bop or insane in the dictionary her picture is right there next to them!!!

    [Reply]

    Black Pearl Reply:

    To vermithrax173

    Dang!!! You apologized to me earlier and I apologized to you if my comment had offended you. Now I am a chicken head and getting pregnant by random men. Freaking hilarious. Many Blessings to you and your family!!

    [Reply]

    christa Reply:

    Hey girlfriend! Much love….I nearly had a seizure when I heard the news about Ms Halle.
    Say wha?? Gonna drop that bundle of joy from a 46 year old egg at 47? All I can say is the psychiatrists and the chattering class are going to have a field day with this one. Old baby daddy gettin’ a beat down from new baby daddy with the paparazzi within camera range and these folks are millionaires!! Sheesh…someone please sterilize her!! Or defrost them eggs and toss ‘em out stat!

    [Reply]

    christa Reply:

    @ Black Pearl I do not want to butt in, but I am pretty sure that Vermithrax was not directing any of that stuff towards you. She was talking about Queen Cray Berry and then she said, @Black Pearl, that’s the kind of person I was talking about meaning Halle.
    She’s a great sista, but she’s so damn smart and quick, that occasionally she is read out of context. She’s hella funny too.

    OK err’body back to work. Sistas? Peace!

    [Reply]

    vermithrax173 Reply:

    @christa-thanks sis for the clarification!@black pearl-reread what i wrote. I was talking about halle cray cray berry with her had no business having a first child and bout to have a second one ass! Lol! Why would i call you a chickenhead? I don’t even know you. I know you better stop putting words in my mouth or we will have to fight! Lol! And none of that til somebody gets knocked out stuff either i mean to the death! Rotflmao!!!! All my life i had to fight….Lol!!!

    [Reply]

  43. Keepitrealnotkeepinitreal |

    Would you rather have a new$400 handbag or $400 cash to put in your old handbag?
    Would you rather a new pair of Jordans or $250 to take your son out for a daddy/son day?
    We seem beyond wanting money. We seem obsessed with looking like we have money. .02

    [Reply]

    christa Reply:

    Nice to see you Keepitrealnot! Missed your ole azz!
    jk I’m probably close to your age. lol

    [Reply]

    Keepitrealnotkeepinitreal Reply:

    Hey ma.

    [Reply]

  44. FyLe ForMatz |

    @Keepitrealnotkeepinitreal:

    “We seem beyond wanting money. We seem obsessed with looking like we have money. .02″

    right.

    to be honest, i think it’s a COMBINATION of both.

    but each are equally destructive, materialistic, and petty as the other.

    again, LOOKING LIKE WE HAVE MONEY is the ILLUSION…we wanna look like that because WHAT WE HAVE is now our PRIDE…not WHO WE ARE.

    and we only wanna look like we have money so we can STUNT ON OTHER BLACK PEOPLE.

    we know we can’t stunt on White people, so it’s all about stunting on each other.

    and that’s the coldest thing about it.

    you ‘stunt’ on a White person, they’ll LAUGH at you.

    you ‘stunt’ on a Black person, they’ll take it personal, become jealous, and either TAKE what you have or talk bad about what you have.

    OR

    we’ll wanna have what you have so we can stunt on the next Black person…RINSE AND REPEAT.

    [Reply]

    christa Reply:

    Wow, that’s some serious ish masquerading as talk on a gossip site. Deep, true and so sad. Thank you for saying it. This is when keepin it real doesn’t go wrong.

    [Reply]

  45. FyLe ForMatz |

    @christa:

    “This thread is the TRUTH! This is why I loved coming to HSK from the jump.”

    i agree.

    shout out to HSK, no doubt.

    Jacky posts a lot of solid radio interviews, too…nobody else in the game keeps it as real, as consistently – real talk.

    [Reply]

    christa Reply:

    Much love for Jacky!

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    Hey Jacky, treat us like you know we have your back. One Love!

    [Reply]

    vermithrax173 Reply:

    @christa-agreed but the whole thing in march made me wonder how long will we have a place like this to really talk? I mean not that braindead crap you hear on bossip, rhymes with snitch and especially mediatakeout but intelligent conversation. Lipstick alley is the only other place i know of where the posters can bring the noize and really converse aside from here. How long will that be? After The Happening and the censure before it i can’t be the only one who has thought about this. I don’t mean to sound all doomish but like i said the thought crossed my mind. Like you i thought about letting hsk go but i came back cuz there really was nowhere else to go and that is sad. I love it here but as an intelligent black woman it unnerves me to think that there is no place else to go to get intellectual stimulation or share my thoughts. Just makes me wonder if us black folks are really not aware that smart black folks are being shut out on the internet and put in positions where we can’t communicate with each other? Maybe i am just being a little too conspiracy theory but i just had it on my mind.

    [Reply]

  46. FyLe ForMatz |

    (off topic)

    and as far as the whole K.H.M. situation, Jacky keeps it the realest out of the three. ($.02)

    i never really heard K.K. talk about the community or the Black struggle as much as Jacky has…same thing with M.Live.

    the ONLY TIME (basically) i heard K.K. address anything that had something to do with the Black community was on ONE SONG:

    KHM – “SPACE NIGGAS” (2002)

    J.Jasper – “WHY ISN’T PAMELA ANDERSON LEE NOT ON THE COVER OF JET”

    J. Jasper – “AND DO REMEMBER JESUS LOVES YOU – WHO’S RELIGION / YOUR DECISION”

    J. Jasper – “MAKE BLACKS LOOK UNRESPONSIBLE / MAKE OBSTACLES”

    so yeah, Jacky keeps the topic on the table year after year whether it’s on here or on the wax.

    [Reply]

  47. FyLe ForMatz |

    @LBrown:

    “The point of “you need a village to raise a child” is outside even familial boundaries. The truth of the matter is, is that your surroundings, your neighborhood, your culture, the teachers, their friends, and their friend’s parents ultimately shapes the child along with the mother’s teachings”

    i agree 100%

    it’s definitely OUTSIDE of familial boundaries!!!

    [Reply]

    LBrown Reply:

    Thank you.

    Being a child in a very supportive household with both parents, they definitely shaped how I am today… However, so did my parent’s friends, my friends, and my community. My parents did all they could possibly do. To think a parent can shape everything is an odd ideal to me. Of course, they can mess up a hell of a lot for a child, but even when they do it “right”, it’s not only them. And to think a parent has absolute control over the mind of their child is impossible. We are born as individuals with a curious and separate mind. Some of the most life changing decisions often happen without a parent present.

    :)

    [Reply]

  48. Diana2 |

    She’s too old to be in the mess.

    Also, imagine what her cooch and in-between her titties smells like. Fish and rotten cheese. What a cow!! Mooo!!!!!!!!

    [Reply]

    LBrown Reply:

    Her importance only lies in her physical attributes!!! If she doesn’t look nice and fresh CLEARLY she is sub-human…. like most women…. sub-human. Be quiet and look pretty. Let’s focus on the looks rather than… like… the brain. Brain is secondary because… well, because looks are more important… but ONLY with women because we can look however the hell we want, but are clearly entitled to have whatever we want because we deserve it.

    [Reply]

    CRAZYCHRIS Reply:

    attacking her personal hygeine.

    [Reply]

  49. Mama |

    You are dead on the money RC.

    And, you’re correct, we (BLACK PEOPLE) are and will be paying a heavy price for losing our values and adopting ways/values that weren’t meant for us in the first place.

    Prisons and street corners are filled with men and women that grew up fatherless and it’s not a good look.

    And, YES (before anyone else says it) there are plenty of folks in jail from two-parent households too but I’m willing to bet the ratio is a lot less.

    It breaks my heart to ride through our communities seeing able bodied black men — who should be in the position to be the heads of their households –with pants half hanging off their asses, selling drugs, spitting, smoking, shooting dice, holding their dicks, cursing in front of women and children and going absolutely NO WHERE in life.

    Life is passing them by and they’re too ignorant to see it.

    Add to this twerking womanish little girls having children way too damn soon and for the wrong reasons only to be mad as hell because they realized too late the trap they’ve set for themselves so a lot of them are abandoning their kids too and leaving the task of raising them to Big Mama (who’s tired from raising her own).

    But that’s the society we have now.

    It’s a microwave gotta have it now culture.

    So the beauty of a man finding a woman, courting her, waiting for some (oh the anticipation of it), asking her to marry him and actually sticking around to help her raise kids damn near sounds like a movie now.

    [Reply]

  50. FyLe ForMatz |

    @LBrown:

    “To think a parent can shape everything is an odd ideal to me”

    RIGHT.

    it’s almost against NATURE to say some shit like that.

    the most high made man and woman (and child) for a reason.

    BALANCE is one of the first things that comes to mind; to say the least.

    [Reply]

  51. FyLe ForMatz |

    @Mama:

    “the beauty of a man finding a woman, courting her, waiting for some (oh the anticipation of it), asking her to marry him and actually sticking around to help her raise kids damn near sounds like a movie now.”

    RIGHT.

    if you’re Black.

    other communities don’t have the same problem TO THE SAME DEGREE as we have it.

    they say that only 1 in 4 Black women will EVER get married…IN THEIR LIFETIME.

    but remember…niggaz was ALL laughin’ when Snoop was like, “BYTCHEZ AIN’T SHIT BUT HOES AND TRICKS” – - – it was all fun and games THEN…wasn’t it?

    now look at the problem we’re facing.

    same thing with other rappers with the whole MONEY OVER BYTCHES shit…

    NOW LOOK.

    we made our own bed – so now it’s time to sleep in it

    [Reply]

  52. FyLe ForMatz |

    but again…this whole Black man / woman / family disarray traces all the way back to SLAVERY…so there’s multiple factors at play that we have to point out and deal with.

    [Reply]

    Anonymous Reply:

    We can’r overlook the male to female ratio either

    [Reply]

  53. MissMoni03 |

    Okay, this article is total BS!!! I literally JUST finished reading the article from which this website quotes Ms. Scott and calling out her son’s father for being a deadbeat dad is not at all what she is doing. It is incredible to me how out of context you took this one quote and how all of these mindless peons soaked it up and began a salacious attack of Jill’s character. By no means is she perfect. And I agree that if she didn’t want to raise a child alone, she could have taken other non-failproof steps to help her achieve that goal. But you, author, should be absolutely ASHAMED of mischaracterizing her words in the way you did! Smh!

    [Reply]

  54. CRAZYCHRIS |

    jill scott can sing but don’t feel sorry for her she chose to have a child that’s her.

    she can afford it.

    but then again she makes songs about sleepiong with married men and was asking fans should she consider an open relationship.

    plus she used to roll with that muslim sect goddesses of the earth along with queen latifah, and erykah badu.

    [Reply]

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