Jimmy Kimmel Pounds The Dick With An Iron Fist

by Jacky Jasper

Jimmy Kimmel has some disrespectful people working for him and I don’t like it – either would you.

Buss This!!! HSK just started our new ad campaign – we got Richard Nixon wearing a sandwich board advertising the site Hollywoodstreetking.com and walking around Hollywood Blvd. We got Nixon posted up by the El Capitan theater (that’s right close to where Jimmy Kimmel films his nightly television show). It’s also directly across the street from the Mann Chinese theater.

Our Richard Nixon also plays a sax. Dude went to music school at Berklee and plays John Coltrane songs – Miles Davis would have loved him.

Much to our surprise, after ‘Nixon” had been walking around for a while Jimmy’s security people rolled up and said ” We don’t like Richard Nixon around over here by our building he scares the kids”. Wasn’t Nixon our 37th President? What’s wrong with Jimmy’s retarded security guards?  Wasn’t Richard Nixon from this lovely state we all call California?

The answer is yes. So why can’t I have Richard Nixon playing a saxophone advertising the world’s fastest growing urban website?

I hope they are not trying to say I exploit crooked presidents like Jimmy exploits Mexicans. Ask Guillermo Veatrice! This guy Guillermo ridicules his culture for Jimmy’s nightly ratings and they got the nerve to call me the bad guy.

I must wonder though – does Jimmy’s Uncle Frank know about this?

Hey Jimmy: Dont forget – one of my closest friends and your ex girlfriend Sarah Silverman  have the same dope dealer.

- Guru Jacky

P.S. Hey Security Guard: polyester suits aren’t it……

(Originally Published Auhust 4, 2009)