Marvet Britto Seeks Exposure @ Uncle Tom’s Cabin Retreat

by Jacky Jasper

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Bill O’Reilly was on the phone talking to Marvet Britto. “Get down here…No one will know…It’s completely private!” Bill exclaimed. “Plus, you will end up getting more television exposure in the future!” After hanging up the phone, he picked up his favorite book “The Good, The Bad, and the Completely Ridiculous in American Life”. That’s when Fox News contributor, Dennis Miller, walked by. “Hey Bill what’s that you’re reading,” Dennis asked. Bill gently put down the read. “My book you idiot!” Bill screamed.

In New York City, Marvet Britto was spotted getting into a taxi cab heading for JFK International Airport. Marvet was totally excited. Know why? Because she knows she’s going to a place where she belongs mane…

Back at the cabin, Oliver North was seated across from actress Rae Dawn Chong. “In order for you get back into the limelight, you must be more like Hattie McDaniel,” Oliver said. “Now that’s an actress! She was the best and she was the first colored women to win an Oscar…And, she set the stage – Why do you think Halle Berry cried after she received her Oscar?” Rae smiled. “Excuse me Oliver, I’m going to watch Gone With The Wind right now.”

Meanwhile on the Van Wyck expressway, Stephon Marbury’s wife Latasha pulled up beside Marvet’s cab and pointed her TEC-9- pistol, and began shooting at the taxi. Marvet knew that having affairs with married men came with a cost. Her cab began moving at high speed when she kicked the cab door open. That’s when she was greeted by her hero, Captain Save A Hoe “Shaquille O’Neal”, driving his police cruiser. “Help me Shaq, Help me this bitch is trying to kill me!” Marvet screamed. Shaq stretched his right hand like “Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four”, and grabbed Marvet and her luggage out of the taxi, and placed her into his moving police cruiser. “Thanks Shaq, you’re my hero,” hollered Marvet. “Now please get me out of New York…I gotta get to the cabin!”

Back at the cabin, Tiger Woods received at standing ovation after wrapping up his apology. This before Bill O’Reilly and Donald Rumsfeld began burning books like “The Autobiography Of Malcolm X” and musical recordings from “Gil Scott Heron”. O’Reilly looked up at Rumsfeld. “This stuff is garbage let’s find more stuff and burn it,” Bill said.

All of a sudden, the sound of sirens filled the air, this alarmed acting porch monkey, Wayne Brady. “Mr. Beck…Mr. Beck, somebody is arriving!” Wayne announced, before handing Beck his binoculars. Beck looked through his binoculars. “Go Tell Mr.Limbaugh that Marvet Britto has arrived,” Beck ordered. Shaq pulled up to the cabin and opened the squad car door for Marvet. “Enjoy your stay Marvet. I got more pick-ups to do… gotta go,” Shaq said.

Glenn Beck rushed to greet Marvet and the two shook hands. That’s when they were rudely interrupted by Ann Coulter, who handed Marvet a plate of boiled cow tongue smothered in gravy with a slice of cornbread, and a raspberry Snapple to wash it down. “Rush Limbaugh told me to give this to you,” Ann said. Marvet looked around while she walked. “This place is beautiful and the meals look and taste remarkable,” Marvet said. “Thank you Ann, but I must ask…Is this all for free? I mean since I can’t trade PR services for this secret retreat.”

Can you guess who will be the next female guest to arrive at Uncle Tom’s Cabin? Tune in tomorrow to find out mane…

VIEW THE ENTIRE “UNCLE TOM’S CABIN” ARCHIVE HERE!