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Music’s Leading Bad Boy Checks In…

February 18th, 2013

Day 4 at 2013 Uncle Tom's Cabin

Day 4…

Retreat attendees are filled with excitement as they celebrate Presidents’ Day. Tea party members and hardcore right wing republicans have chosen to commemorate by dressing up as America’s founding fathers.

Senators John McCain, Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham quickly discover all three of them are suited up as the same President, George Washington — after the trio bumped into each other on the cabin’s patio. McCain took a step back before addressing Graham and McConnell.

“Great minds think alike!” McConnell chuckled, as Senator Lindsey Graham turned around to notice Byron Allen walking the cabin grounds, dressed like Abraham Lincoln. “That boy over there is dressed like one of the founding fathers and I don’t like it one bit,” Graham exclaimed. “It makes me sick to my stomach!”

Meanwhile…

Herman Cain made his entrance onto the patio, dressed like an 1812-era house Negro. And, in true slave fashion, Herman served each of the three senators a glass of cold lemonade to quench their thirst. That’s when the sharp slave overheard Senator Lindsey Graham complaining about Byron Allen’s attire, sparking Herman to weigh in on the conversation. “Ya’ll gonna stand around here and let some Hollywood show-boating Negro walk around these cabin grounds dressed like President Lincoln? If ya’ll don’t act upon it I’m going to tell Mr. Jack Welch or Wayne Lapieer, because enough is enough!

Just a few steps away…YMCMB and Maybach Music members began dancing across the plantation grounds — as Ted Nugent watched over the Presidents’ Day Jamboree from the cabin’s towers, holding an M16A2 Assault Rifle.

All of a sudden…Lil Wayne is witnessed skateboarding up to Justin Bieber to show the pop sensation how to Laser Flip a skateboard while popping two hits of Mollys. Bryan “Birdman” Williams immediately noticed the skateboarding pair from the sideline, as the YMCMB CEO looked on while getting a neck massage for rapper Lil Twist.

As the party revved into full swing, DJ Khaled scurried over to his turntables and grabbed his mic to make an announcement. “We’re the best!” The Negroes went crazy, and started to do “The Harlem Shake.” That’s when Wayne LaPierre grabbed his grandson’s right hand and said, “Hold this Uzi M11a1, and if these darkies get out of hand squeeze the trigger!

During the commotion, Spike Lee can be seen giving out sample bottles of Absolut Brooklyn vodka. After taking a shot, a drunken Drake walked around with Joe Budden’s ex-girlfriend, Tahiry Jose. Mona Scott Young spotted the Canadian lyricist before Turing to Shaunie O’Neal to whisper, “Does Drake know she’s infested with herpes?

Suddenly, a loud voice started to come from the P.A. system. It was the voice of Fox News anchor Chris Wallace making an announcement. “Visitors are approaching the cabin grounds…I repeat…visitors are approaching our cabin grounds!

Wayne LaPierre pulled up in a Rickshaw – being pulled by Michael Strahan over to Fox News anchor Bill O’Reilly. “Tell Judge Antonin Scalia that showboating Negro Bryon Allen is going to trial,” Wayne demanded. “And, tell all our people the Negroes are getting drunk — so get your guns, cause that’s why we made them!

Before Michael Strahan could continue pulling the Rickshaw to the checkpoint, a dozen Phantom Bentley’s began to approach the grounds. Bad Bad Records CEO Sean “Puffy” Combs exited one of the freshly parked vehicles screaming, “I’m suing everybody because I trademarked ‘The Harlem Shake’! Them Korean Nigg-as better pay me my money! Imma punch Spike in his face because I paid Roger Ailes a ton of money for this Jamboree to be sponsored by Ciroc!

Senator Mitch McConnell walked over and tapped Puffy on his right shoulder. “Calm down Sean.” Puffy did just that as he accepted a plate of stirred web Beaver feet sprinkled with garlic seasoning, squirrel tongue and pickled raccoon rectum with a can of Pepsi to wash it down.

Can you guess the next guest to arrive to Uncle Tom’s Cabin?




14 Responses to “Music’s Leading Bad Boy Checks In…”

  1. Madraven |

    Shouldn’t puff have his own wing of the cabin at this point? I mean with all the cooning, shucking, thieving, buck dancing and all around niggativity he brings hell he should have another cabin named in his honor. With a plaque that has a pic of him holding a bottle of ciroc and a wedge of watermelon that says-Sean Combs-the nigga we love to love. And T-pain also. If you’ve ever heard his music or seen any of his videos where he acts like the world’s biggest negro buffoon than you know why. Once again i’d like to nominate beyonce for falseness above and beyond the call of duty. Her fake marriage, fake pregnancy, fake performances, fake hair and fake ass. Thank you and good nite.

    [Reply]

  2. Purple |

    LMAO@Puffy! Puff always suing someone. I nominated Little Wayne for being so disrespectful to even mention Emmett Till.

    [Reply]

  3. Anonymous |

    Lil Wayne a Lil POS and a white ass lickin’ nigga cracka. Yup, nigga cracka, black and stupid on the outside, white and low down on the inside.

    [Reply]

  4. Cher |

    I think beyonce documentary on hbo showed her pregnancy wasn’t fake. How can you call someone fake when you don’t know them.

    [Reply]

    Madraven Reply:

    @Cher-Like this-beyonce is fake, phony and full of it! See how easy that was? Lol!!!

    [Reply]

    LOLA Reply:

    SOO TRUE !! LOL SHE NEVER SHOWED THAT THAT WAS HER IT WAS A BODY TWIN !!! I USED THEM IN MOVIES ALL THE TIME

    [Reply]

  5. felix |

    I nominate Sheryl Underwood. She is just becoming to coonish for me.

    [Reply]

    nicoleizhername Reply:

    I cringe everytime she opens her mouth on that show.

    [Reply]

    "JOY" Reply:

    I second that motion.

    [Reply]

  6. ShowTitsOrGetTheFOut |

    This article is a lotta damn work just to call niggas sellouts.

    [Reply]

  7. Ms. Empire |

    too much .. lol.

    [Reply]

  8. crazychris |

    since this is for fun.

    ice t for crying over artificial white girls.

    ap 9 for braggin about how good coco was like it was the best sex he ever had.

    snoop’s fake tribe of wanna be judah azz.

    cissy houston for exposing chit we already knew.

    [Reply]

  9. Girl under fire |

    This may be the funniest one yet. I can’t finish it for laughing!

    [Reply]

    Girl Under Fire Is GUF Reply:

    And it is still funny in 2014.
    How did Jacky come up with these stories.

    [Reply]

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