Stephen Hill Checks Into Uncle Tom’s Cabin…by Jacky Jasper
Wayne LaPierre is dressed like Davy Crockett, walking his prisoner Byron Allen – attached with bells and chain – in front of the plantation patio, screaming “This Hollywood showboating Negro was dressed like Abraham Lincoln on Presidents Day, and he’s going to trial!” With a set of solid grins across their faces, the Fox News team cheered on, as Brit Hume screamed “LaPierre for President!”
Meanwhile, on the east side of the plantation grounds…the Negroes who are suited up like sword fighters in their skinny jeans, are popping Molly and looking to their female counterparts.
Those “ladies” are all dressed up and parading the cabins grounds like $2 prostitutes.
The sounds of “My Clique” filled the air — when suddenly, the record was scratched and the voice of the funkiest Pakistani “DJ Khaled” was screaming into the microphone. “We the Best!” Then, Khaled dropped “Pop That” and the house Negroes went crazy. That’s when Khaled grabbed his mic and said, “Look up to the sky! The YMCMB princess is about to arrive!“
Drake immediately peered into the clouds and said, “Is that Christina Milina?” Drake then turned to his BFF Lil Sean, looking puzzled. “Oh God! it looks like Trina?” Before Drake could reply, Wezzy pulls up with his skateboard laughing like a Gremlin and said “Young Mula Baby!!! It’s Nikki, assholes!!! And she’s using her butt-padded panties as a parachute for her entrance to the cabin…ha ha I showed her how to do that…Tucci!!”
On the west side of the cabin grounds…Clive Davis was reading “The Soundtrack of My Life” to all of his favorite house Negroes. When Clive reached the chapter of his dismal biography, singer Miguel Pimentel raised his left hand. Davis looked to him and said “Speak to me, my son.” Miguel shouted from back of the crowd, “Were you in pain while you were living a double life?” As Davis was about to answer Miguel, a loud voice was heard coming through the P.A. system. It was the voice of Fox News anchor Chris Wallace making an announcement. “Visitors are approaching the cabin grounds…I repeat…visitors are approaching our cabin grounds!”
Bill O’Reilly screamed at Sean Hannity and Glen Beck “Get your cameras and let’s beat LaPierre to meeting the arriving Negro guest!” Beck replied back, “You and Hannity go meet the guest. I’ll fallback and film evidence of Davis teaching the Negroes how to read homo books.”
All of a sudden, a BET tour bus appeared through the dust blowing over the plantations. As the dust began to settle, Stephen Hill was seen standing in front of the bus – dressed in a white tutu designed by Andre Leon Tally, waving a Buckwheat flag.
O’Reilly screams to Hannity “Are you filming this? Oh! look over there…it’s the WE television tour bus!” In the WE Tv tour bus sat Tamar Braxton – and her husband Vince Herbert -Vince was stuffing his face with an extra large pizza. Tamar turned to him saying, “Think you can eat a pizza faster than Adele?”
As both tour buses came to an instant stop in front of Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Mitch McConnell pulled up on an electric scooter. Beside him was Michael Strahan, holding a wheelbarrow full of slave food.
Debra Lee got off the bus and said “Ooh child!! I smell a pigs ass stirred with Mackerel fish oil.” Stephen Hill replied “Mackerel, too expensive to be slave food…what we smelling is skunk belly with pickled rectum Possum.”
Mitch McConnell said in calm voice, “We have Pepsi soft drinks for all of you and remember who fed you when you vote next election.”
Can you guess who’s next to arrive at Uncle Tom’s Cabin?