Hubert Omar-Sanchez has recently resigned from his position as President of the Jessica Simpson Fans of Topeka, Kansas.

Besides citing reasons like the inability to maintain the club’s website and cover punch and pie at the meetings during the current economic conditions, the fan-club coordinator told local news he was peacing out mainly due to the diva’s growing irrelevance in the public eye.
“We just can’t find the support we once had in the golden days of her career” Sanchez adds, “I am curently in talks with some other locals about forming a Miley Cyrus support club here in Topeka. I heard Disney sends free marketing materials and signed posters to hand out at meetings!”

-Really?

Listen man, this is an emergency. If you dont do exactly as I tell you, I think you are in a clear and present danger of your balls falling off!

Step 1: GO IMMEDIATELY TO THE PORN STORE, BUY ANYTHING BY RAVEN RILEY.

Step 2: Untape your junk, and open your eyes.