2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, everyone was crying because it’s the last day of the retreat, and no one really wants to leave. The final celebrations were underway as Bill O’Reilly’s made an announcement through the cabin’s PA system. “Thank you all for coming and tonight don’t forget it’s The Cabin Awards,” O’Reilly announced.

The spot for the Cabin Awards was buzzing with activity as Tavis Smiley arrived by bus, and Quincy Jones touchdown with a helicopter moments later, and BET’s Debra Lee was chauffeured by limousine to the cabin’s retreat. Debra was was greeted by Black Exploitation Television founder, Robert Johnson, and they both danced and dined in the cabin’s ballroom. That’s when Sean Hannity walked over to Debra. “Remarkable work you did on your station…you showed the worst of Negro entertainment and many are applauding you on that,” Hannity said. Debra laughed and the pair shook hands. “I purposely ran mostly booty videos to lead the young Negro girls astray,” Debra admitted. Hannity looked at her and arched his left eyebrow. “And I complement you on that…that’s why you’re here at the cabin…it’s all because of you doing a good job, Debra,” Hannity said, as he walked away. (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, all are filled with joy as they anxiously anticipate the Annual Chicken and Watermelon Eating Contest. As the preparations were underway, Fox News anchorman, Brit Hume became furious and directed his anger towards Sean Hannity. “How did the media find out about Ron Paul being a racist? How!!!” Hannity stormed over. “First and foremost you don’t ever yell at me Brit! CNN or MSNBC are more than likely to blame, but Ron only has to retract his statements and say they’re lying.”said Hannity.

Brit looked at Hannity. “Like they took his words out of context? he asked. Hannity took a sip of his coffee, and arched his left eyebrow. “Get Ron on the phone and tell him what to do,” Hannity said.

Al Reynolds was spotted driving a pink turbo corvette, leaving Virginia State. That’s when the former Mr. Jones saw a limousine parked on Highway 290 East, and decided to stop. Al exited his pink corvette and walked over to the limousine…only to discover Minnesota Viking Bryant McKinnie and rapper Trina finishing having sex. They didn’t see Al.

“You ain’t paying me enough money Bryant to be fucking me on the side of the highway…I know Lil Kim will do anything for money so she can fund her plastic surgeries, but I got some morals,” said Trina. Bryant pointed his finger in Trina’s face after zipping up his pants. “You’re a washed up rapper…I saved you. And, I missed my Super Bowl game because of you two bitches,” said Bryant.

Al began banging on the Limousine window screaming, “And Bryant you’re going to miss your reservation to Uncle Tom’s Cabin because of them bitches too!”

Al walked back to his pink corvette and drove off at turbo speed, heading to a place where he knows that he belongs… (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Bill O’Reilly paired up with Lionel Richie to brainstorm ideas before coming up with a plan to remake “We Are The World” with their own spin called “We Love the Cabin”. Excited O’Reilly immediately began notifying all the acts that they must partake in this recording. Toby Keith was filled with joy, and joined Lionel to write the track. O’Reilly relayed that he would love for them to perform  the soon-to-be smashing hit single this Friday at the Cabin Awards Show.

Larry Elder was spotted riding a turbo segway on interstate-10 leaving Hollywood for a place where he knows that he belongs…

Back at the cabin, everyone was gathered in the recording studio as Will I Am suggested all the proceeds from the song be donated to the poor. That’s when O’Reilly walked over to Will I Am’s side. “Listen pinhead this song is my idea, and all the proceeds will go where ever I want it to go,” said O’Reilly. “I suggest we take the money from the song and build more cabins around the United States. And, don’t think that I don’t know about you stealing other peoples material!!!”

Sean Hannity walked over to O’Reilly. “What’s wrong Bill?” Hannity asked. O’Reilly stopped. “Nothing just keep your eyes on Will I AM…he likes to steal songs and I don’t want Lionel and Toby’s song being the next hit single on the Black Eyed Peas album.” O’Reilly said. (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, heart problems lead to Dick Cheney being rushed to the cabin’s hospital, while Donald Rumsfeld blamed the situation on correctional officer Rick Ross because he was sleeping on the job. Cheney’s heart scare happened while he was on the search for escaped prisoner, Joe Lieberman.

Meanwhile, Oliver North, General Tommy Franks and former CIA director George Tenet were in the cabin’s kitchen, having a discussion about Obama’s presidency, when it was abruptly interrupted by warmonger Rumsfeld. “The kitchen is no place for men of our status, How can you all sit around talking about a failed president when the next president of our great country is in the hospital…Don’t you care,” screamed Rumsfeld. General Tommy Franks got up from his seat and walked over to Rumsfeld. “What do you suggest we do?” asked General Tommy Franks. Rumsfeld looked directly into the eyes of the general. “That lazy correctional officer needs to be punished!” said Runsfeld. George Tenet shouted “Let’s waterboard him!!!”

Mike Strahan was seen in his New York Giants football gear, running through the great state of Texas to a place where he knows that he belongs…

Back at the cabin, Rick Ross remained suited in his correctional officer uniform as he stood before Judge Clarence Thomas. “Why did you fall asleep on your post? Were you smoking that marijuana Kush stuff? You walrus shaped man…do you have anything to say for yourself?” asked Judge Thomas.

Correctional officer Ross bowed his head in shame. “I’m sorry I’ll never fall asleep on the job again,” said Ross. Judge Thomas slammed his gavel on the desk. “Look at me boy, you’re a lazy Negro! But before I sentence you to go back out there and make more recordings that lead black kids astray to become drug dealers, I must sentence you to waterboard torture,” said the judge. That’s when Bill O’Reilly was heard screaming from the crowd, “You’re my favorite Judge, Clarence!”

Meanwhile Michael Strahan was spotted pushing obstacles out of his way and hurdling over barbed wire fences to get to a place where he knows he belongs. A place he won’t hear anything about Black History Month… (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Bill O’Reilly was gladly undertaking the daunting task sending out invitations to celebrities all over the world, inviting them to the Cabin Award Show set for this Friday February 26th. Suddenly, there was a major disturbance on the cabin’s compound. That’s when rapper Rick Ross was dressed in his correctional officer uniform as he sounded the alarm. Ross’ voice was immediately heard from the cabin’s speakers. “The prisoner has escaped…I repeat the prisoner has escaped!” Ross announced. Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and Oliver North all rushed over after grabbing their hunting rifles. Cheney ran over to Glenn Beck. “I need to borrow your porch monkey Wayne Brady…it’s a must,” Dick said. “Rumsfeld, Oliver and I need a tracker to help catch the escaped prisoner!” Beck looked at Cheney. “Wayne’s duty is to help me with all the arriving guest,” Beck said. “It’s better that you to take Cuba Gooding Jr….he has worked with dogs for a long period of time now. Plus, I’ve heard that he’s a better tracker than a bloodhound.” All of a sudden, Warmonger Rumsfeld screamed at Beck, “What are you waiting for go get him, it’s imperative we catch the escaped prisoner, Joe Lieberman, before he makes a phone call and gives away the cabin’s undisclosed location!”

Tina Turner was spotted boarding a turbo jet at London’s Heathrow Airport. She’s was excited to cross the Atlantic ocean to travel to a place where she knows that she belongs… (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, both the hosts and guests teamed up for their own version of American Idol — “CABIN IDOL” The only difference from American Idol is Cabin Idol’s contestants must all perform in black face, while Newt Gingrich, Ann Coulter and Michael Steele judge each performance. Fox News’ Brian Kilmeade hosted the event, and welcomed the first act to hit the stage: Karl Rove and George Bush Jr. (who were dressed as RUN DMC; Karl was RUN and George was DMC), to deliver their rendition of “My Adidas”. The crowd got nutty when George stood in his B-Boy stance while Karl rapped. In the audience – Lou Dobbs suited up as one of “The Fat Boys”, doing the moonwalk, while Donald Rumsfeld walked around the crowd toting an AK-47 and smoking a blunt, like a Los Angeles gang banger.

Meanwhile, Whoopi Goldberg was leaving Los Angeles on Interstate-10. Before she left, she told everyone she knows that she didn’t want to hear anything about black history month. That’s why she said she took off on a turbo moped scooter to go to a place where she knows she belongs…

Back at the cabin, Bill O’Reilly received a standing ovation after he performed his impersonation of Barack Obama. This while Senator Mitt Romney was dressed as MC Hammer, walking around in his droopy Hammer pants and telling people “You Can’t Touch This.” – And, the waiters (T-Pain and Akon) handed out grape Kool Aid to the guests. (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Bill O’Reilly was on the phone talking to Marvet Britto. “Get down here…No one will know…It’s completely private!” Bill exclaimed. “Plus, you will end up getting more television exposure in the future!” After hanging up the phone, he picked up his favorite book “The Good, The Bad, and the Completely Ridiculous in American Life”. That’s when Fox News contributor, Dennis Miller, walked by. “Hey Bill what’s that you’re reading,” Dennis asked. Bill gently put down the read. “My book you idiot!” Bill screamed.

In New York City, Marvet Britto was spotted getting into a taxi cab heading for JFK International Airport. Marvet was totally excited. Know why? Because she knows she’s going to a place where she belongs mane…

Back at the cabin, Oliver North was seated across from actress Rae Dawn Chong. “In order for you get back into the limelight, you must be more like Hattie McDaniel,” Oliver said. “Now that’s an actress! She was the best and she was the first colored women to win an Oscar…And, she set the stage – Why do you think Halle Berry cried after she received her Oscar?” Rae smiled. “Excuse me Oliver, I’m going to watch Gone With The Wind right now.”

Meanwhile on the Van Wyck expressway, Stephon Marbury’s wife Latasha pulled up beside Marvet’s cab and pointed her TEC-9- pistol, and began shooting at the taxi. Marvet knew that having affairs with married men came with a cost. Her cab began moving at high speed when she kicked the cab door open. That’s when she was greeted by her hero, Captain Save A Hoe “Shaquille O’Neal”, driving his police cruiser. “Help me Shaq, Help me this bitch is trying to kill me!” Marvet screamed. Shaq stretched his right hand like “Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four”, and grabbed Marvet and her luggage out of the taxi, and placed her into his moving police cruiser. “Thanks Shaq, you’re my hero,” hollered Marvet. “Now please get me out of New York…I gotta get to the cabin!” (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, keynote speaker Sean Hannity was met with an enormous applause, after giving his speech. Dick Cheney was a part of that audience when he was heard telling Michael Steel, “You’re running our good party to the ground, and we all know you’re stealing money. Would you like to go hunting with me?” Before Michael could answer, Bill O’Reilly rudely interrupted the gentlemen. “Come on guys you can’t miss this. Follow me to the ballroom,” O’ Reilly said. “Lionel Richie is playing the piano while James Earl Jones sings Ol’ Man River.”

In Seattle, Amy Holmes was complaining about the marijuana dispensaries. Because Amy couldn’t take it anymore, she has decided to leave the good state of Washington for a place where she knows she belongs.

Back at the cabin, Ann Coulter was delivering her speech and her. “How can this happen?” Ann asked the crowd. “A man who once served Bill Clinton his coffee, is now the president of our great country!” the crowd cheered as they responded with a standing ovation. (more…)

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010
UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today, the people at Uncle Tom’s Cabin were full of even more excitement than usual, as the men are were elated to have the ladies begin checking in, this morning. Ann Coulter and Laura Bush were two of the first ladies to arrive at the cabin. The festivities are well underway as the two paired up with other high profile republican wives, including Cindy McCain. Fox News anchor Lauren Green and Fox News reporter Shola Olowu were doing a rendition of “The Color Purple”. That’s when Newt Gingrich was overheard telling General Tommy Franks “They’re doing a better job than Oprah Winfrey and Whoopi Goldberg did.” Toby Keith and Bill O’Reilly were also looking on when they told Harold Ford Jr. “We’re going to play pin the tail on the silly Negro and we chose you to play the Negro!” Bill’s face lit up, “How exciting is that!” O’Reilly exclaimed.

Meanwhile in Alabama, Condoleezza Rice was seated in a limo, en route to Huntsville International Airport…

Back at the cabin, Cindy McCain asked Rush Limbaugh, ” Do you have any OxyContin, Vicodin or any painkillers?” Rush smiled. “Of course I do…meet me in the bathroom,” Rush replied.

In a nearby swamp, Joe Lieberman is being held in a cage. “Let me out!” Joe screamed. “I won’t tell anybody anything about your operation!” Acting cabin correctional officer, Rick Ross, was suited in uniform and gold jewelry as he rushed to the cage. “Shut up Joe!” Rick ordered. “Nobody around here trusts you!” (more…)

Political insiders testify trouble is brewing between America’s first lady, the queen of talk television and the Secretary of State.

Michelle Obama is reported to be furious with Oprah Winfrey for switching her “loyalties from President Obama to Hillary Clinton.” Now, Michelle is reported to want Oprah banned from the White House, because sources say the ‘Big O’ is looking to back Hillary Clinton in the next Presidential election. “Michelle says her sources overheard conversations in which Oprah promised she would throw her money and influence behind Hillary, if she decides to run.”

You may remember Oprah was a great supporter of Barack Obama, during his path to presidency. Now, Michelle Obama is said to believe that Oprah expected to be ‘repaid’ with close ties to the White House, and an advisor to the first family. “Instead she has been invited only three times, and two of them were for interviews.” (more…)