Tiger Breaks From Sex Rehab to Visit Uncle Tom’s Cabin

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH
UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Fox News headquarters, Greta Van Susteren was in her make-up room, getting ready to go on air. She was seated in front of a mirror, admiring the results of her most recent cosmetic surgery procedure, and concluded that she was extremely happy with the outcome. While Greta was exiting the ladies room, she ran into Fox News & Friends, Steve Doocy. Steve asked Greta if she had seen Lauren Green. “No, but I spoke with her this morning on the telephone,” Greta Replied. “She’s so excited about the retreat, and can’t wait to be at the cabin to partake in the festivities.” “Colored people should be elated that Rupert Murdoch re-built Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” Steve said. “If I were one of them, I wouldn’t think of leaving the cabin.”

Brian Kilmeade was nearby, and overheard Steve’s conversation with Greta. “Is James Earl Jones going to sing Ole Man River this year?” Brian asked, from across the room.

Meanwhile, down in Mississippi, Tiger Woods made a great escape from a sexual rehabilitation clinic. In a tireless effort to flee, Tiger jumped into a golf cart, brought it up to turbo speed, and quickly navigated it across state lines. He was headed straight for Uncle Tom’s Cabin.

Back at the cabin, Wayne Brady was acing porch monkey. As Brady was scanning the green, he spotted an unidentified vehicle, approaching at warp speed. So, he immediately alerted Glenn Beck. “Someone or something is heading straight for us.” Beck ran into the cabin to grab his binoculars. “Hey Rush,” Glenn shouted. “E-T-A on Tiger is just a few seconds!” And, even before Rush could make it outside, Tiger arrived. Beck walked over to greet the golf pro. “You made it ,” Beck said. “Nothing in the world could have stopped me from being here,” Tiger replied. “This is where I belong.” Rush walked over to Tiger, and the two shook hands. Limbaugh presented the golfing great with a plate of Chitlins and cornbread, paired with a grape Snapple drink to wash it down. As Tiger took his first steps into the cabin, he uttered, “Home sweet home.”

Can you guess who will be the next guest to arrive at Uncle Tom’s Cabin? Tune in tomorrow to find out mane…

VIEW THE ENTIRE “UNCLE TOM’S CABIN” ARCHIVE HERE!