Tina Turner Doesn’t Want To Hear Anything About Black History Month

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Bill O’Reilly was gladly undertaking the daunting task sending out invitations to celebrities all over the world, inviting them to the Cabin Award Show set for this Friday February 26th. Suddenly, there was a major disturbance on the cabin’s compound. That’s when rapper Rick Ross was dressed in his correctional officer uniform as he sounded the alarm. Ross’ voice was immediately heard from the cabin’s speakers. “The prisoner has escaped…I repeat the prisoner has escaped!” Ross announced.

Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and Oliver North all rushed over after grabbing their hunting rifles. Cheney ran over to Glenn Beck. “I need to borrow your porch monkey Wayne Brady…it’s a must,” Dick said. “Rumsfeld, Oliver and I need a tracker to help catch the escaped prisoner!” Beck looked at Cheney. “Wayne’s duty is to help me with all the arriving guest,” Beck said. “It’s better that you to take Cuba Gooding Jr….he has worked with dogs for a long period of time now. Plus, I’ve heard that he’s a better tracker than a bloodhound.” All of a sudden, Warmonger Rumsfeld screamed at Beck, “What are you waiting for go get him, it’s imperative we catch the escaped prisoner, Joe Lieberman, before he makes a phone call and gives away the cabin’s undisclosed location!”

Tina Turner was spotted boarding a turbo jet at London’s Heathrow Airport. She’s was excited to cross the Atlantic ocean to travel to a place where she knows that she belongs…

Back at the cabin, Juan Williams from Fox News was seen crying on Rupert Murdoch’s shoulder. “I don’t want to leave this cabin Rupie, this is the last week and everyone must leave but I want to stay,” said the crying reporter Juan Williams. Sean Hannity overheard the exchange and walked over to Juan and Rupert. “Do you think I want to leave here, Juan?” Hannity asked. “We are all having the best times of our lives here at the cabin, but we must get back to the station and continue to spread propaganda about the gays, lesbians and the democratic party being terrorists. And, we must win the next election because America is better off with Sarah Palin as President!” said Hannity.

Tina Turner’s jet was flying over American soil, when she picked up the airphone to call Glenn Beck. “I’m on my way,” Tina said. “Tell O’Reilly that I would love to be this year’s host at the Cabin Award Show. And, tell Shaq to pick me up at the airport.” “Will do,” said Beck.

Meanwhile in the cabin’s rehabilitation corridor, Bill O’Reilly was having a one on one with Tiger Woods. “I don’t think that they bought your apology speech, Tiger,” O’Reilly said. The golf pro looked at O’Reilly. “I don’t care if they believe me or not it’s part of my 12 step program to recovery and all I really care about is going back to golf and not giving my wife Elin half of my fucking money,” said Tiger.

In the woods of the cabin grounds…Cheney,Oliver North and warmonger Rumsfeld were ferociously on the hunt for escaped prisoner, Joe Lieberman. Their tracker, Cuba Gooding, was on all all fours… sniffing the ground, and through the murky swamp water. Suddenly, Cuba smelled urine on an oak tree. “He went this way,” Cuba said.

Shaq was driving his squad car at full speed as he chauffeured Tina Turner to the cabin. That’s when Shaq spotted Joe Lieberman running barefoot in front of the car. “Excuse me Miss. Turner I must make a stop,” said Shaq. Shaq got out of his squad car and tasered Joe. “You’ve might escaped on Rick Ross’ watch, but no one can escape Shaq Diesel!” said Shaq as he handcuffed Joe and placed him in the trunk of his squad car.

On the front lawn of the cabin, Tyler Perry was dressed as Madea while pop locking for Brit Hume…Whoopi Goldberg and T-Pain were both tap dancing for Fox News CEO Roger Ailes…when Bill O’Reilly walked over to Roger. “Aren’t they the best golliwogs you’ve ever seen?” O’Reilly whispered. Suddenly, loud police sirens were heard. That’s when acting porch monkey, Wayne Brady responded. “Mr.Beck…Mr.Beck, somebody is arriving!” Wayne announced. Beck laughed. “You don’t have to fetch me my binoculars, I know who it is,” Beck said. “Go tell Mr.Limbaugh that Tina Turner is here!” As Beck walked down the cabin’s front lawn, Shaq pulled up and opened the door for Tina, before popping the truck and taking out Joe Liberman. “Good Job Shaq,” Sean Hannity said. “No one escapes from Shaq Diesel I got more pick-ups to do, gotta go,” Shaq announced.

Beck greeted Tina, and the two shook hands. That’s when Rush Limbaugh and his new assistant, Ann Coulter, approached Tina. Limbaugh gave Ann a plate of pig testicles smothered in gravy with a slice of cornbread, and she presented it to Tina. “This slop is for you,” Ann said. “And here’s a grape Snapple to wash it down.” Tina began to cry as she looked at the watermelon and cotton patches. “What beauty surrounds the cabin, and thank you Ann for this beautiful meal. I’m sure I won’t be hearing anything about black history month at this cabin.” Tina said.

Can you guess who will be the next guest to arrive at Uncle Tom’s Cabin? Tune in tomorrow to find out mane…

ENTIRE “UNCLE TOM’S CABIN” ARCHIVE HERE!