Today Michael Strahan Does The Endzone Shuffle & Rick Ross Gets Waterboarded at Uncle Tom’s Cabin

by Jacky Jasper

2ND ANNUAL
BLACK HISTORY MONTH 2010

UNCLE TOM’S CABIN RETREAT

sponsored by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News, Marlboro and Snapple…

Today at Uncle Tom’s Cabin, heart problems lead to Dick Cheney being rushed to the cabin’s hospital, while Donald Rumsfeld blamed the situation on correctional officer Rick Ross because he was sleeping on the job. Cheney’s heart scare happened while he was on the search for escaped prisoner, Joe Lieberman.

Meanwhile, Oliver North, General Tommy Franks and former CIA director George Tenet were in the cabin’s kitchen, having a discussion about Obama’s presidency, when it was abruptly interrupted by warmonger Rumsfeld. “The kitchen is no place for men of our status, How can you all sit around talking about a failed president when the next president of our great country is in the hospital…Don’t you care,” screamed Rumsfeld. General Tommy Franks got up from his seat and walked over to Rumsfeld. “What do you suggest we do?” asked General Tommy Franks. Rumsfeld looked directly into the eyes of the general. “That lazy correctional officer needs to be punished!” said Runsfeld. George Tenet shouted “Let’s waterboard him!!!”

Mike Strahan was seen in his New York Giants football gear, running through the great state of Texas to a place where he knows that he belongs…

Back at the cabin, Rick Ross remained suited in his correctional officer uniform as he stood before Judge Clarence Thomas. “Why did you fall asleep on your post? Were you smoking that marijuana Kush stuff? You walrus shaped man…do you have anything to say for yourself?” asked Judge Thomas.

Correctional officer Ross bowed his head in shame. “I’m sorry I’ll never fall asleep on the job again,” said Ross. Judge Thomas slammed his gavel on the desk. “Look at me boy, you’re a lazy Negro! But before I sentence you to go back out there and make more recordings that lead black kids astray to become drug dealers, I must sentence you to waterboard torture,” said the judge. That’s when Bill O’Reilly was heard screaming from the crowd, “You’re my favorite Judge, Clarence!”

Meanwhile Michael Strahan was spotted pushing obstacles out of his way and hurdling over barbed wire fences to get to a place where he knows he belongs. A place he won’t hear anything about Black History Month…

On the cabin’s front lawn, the house Negroes were entertaining — Taye Diggs and T-Pain were both Buck dancing for Fox News anchor man Shepard Smith, Fox News’ Lauren Green was playing the piano, and Condoleezza Rice sang “Wade in the Water” for Rush Limbaugh (his favorite slave gospel standard song). That’s when acting porch monkey Wayne Brady spotted a man running in football gear, drenched in sweat, and blowing a referee whistle. “Mr. Beck…Mr. Beck, somebody is arriving!” announced Brady as he handed Beck his binoculars. Beck patted Brady on his head as he looked through his binoculars. “Go tell Mr Limbaugh that Michael Strahan is here.”

Strahan arrived at the cabin doing an endzone shuffle, as Glenn Beck rushed over to greet him the pair shook hands. Suddenly, their hand shake was interrupted by both Rush Limbaugh and his assistant Ann Coulter. A tired Michael Strahan looked at Ann. “I ran all the way to this beautiful cabin and I’m so thirsty,” said Strahan. Coulter looked at him with disgust and stuck a piece of watermelon between the gap of his two front teeth. “Suck on that!” demanded Ann. She took a plate from Limbaugh, blanketed with pickled pigs knuckles with a slice of cornbread, and gave it to Strahan. As Strahan ate his meal Limbaugh gave him a raspberry Snapple to wash it down. “Thanks for having me guys and I promise not to ever disappoint you,” said Strahan.

Can you guess who will be the next guest to arrive at Uncle Tom’s Cabin? Tune in tomorrow to find out mane…

ENTIRE “UNCLE TOM’S CABIN” ARCHIVE HERE!