Uncle Tom’s Cabin Welcomes Rapping Correctional Officer To PlantationFebruary 7th, 2013
Maybach Music’s Rick Ross Takes It Back To The 1800’s!
It’s the second at the cabin retreat…The plantation’s shindig has attracted Fox News faces and popular republican figures from all over the country, as they honor their 1865 America.
Senator Mitch McConnell is dressed like President James Madison, holding an M1 assault riffle as he speaks into the microphone. “Gather ’round folks! Before the Negroes arrive, I’ll like to say Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is going to space and I say he take his Muslim buddy Barack with him!” McConnell paused as the crowd rose to their feet to clap and cheer. McConnell then continued to speak to a growing crowd of raging republicans. “I’m the Cabin’s host this year and my friend – and yours – Vice President of the NRA Wayne LaPierre will be my go to guy if there’s any disturbance on these grounds.”
All of a sudden, Ann Coulter screamed from the crowd. “Who’s going to be your porch monkey house Negro this year, Mitch?” McConnell’s eyes searched the crowd before responding. “I asked America’s number one house Negro to take sometime off from his daily morning show to head down here to cater to our American beliefs!”
Mitch continued. “Ladies and gentlemen…I bring to you my porch monkey of 2013, Michael Strahan.” That’s when Michael Strahan appeared from the crowd and walked onto the stage – dressed like a 1809 runaway slave. The crowd cheered as members from the group were seen using their smart phones to snap a shot.
Suddenly, a voice coming through the plantation’s P.A. system filled the air. It was Fox news anchor Chris Wallace making an announcement. “There’s a celebrity Negro guest approaching the cabin’s grounds!” Wayne LaPierre immediately jumped up onto the stage, grabbed Michael Strahan and said, “Come on boy…we gotta a darkie to pick up.”
Mitch McConnell walked off stage and headed to the cabin’s kitchen to address Herman Cain. “Herman get a plate ready…one of your people are arriving.”
Meanwhile..Michael Strahan was peddling a bicycle taxi with Wayne LaPierre seated on the passenger seat, holding a armalite M16. LaPierre shouts, “Boy pull over at the plantation’s checkpoint and we’ll wait there for the guest.”
A roaring sound of car engines was heard, as twenty Maybach’s – toting Florida tags – headed towards the checkpoint. The Maybach cars pulled up to the plantation’s checkpoint, LaPierre addressed the first driver. “Roll down your window boy.” Once the window was down, Allen West’s face appeared inside the vehicle. West replied, “LaPierre I didn’t come alone, I brought every recording artist from Maybach music with me.” That’s when the back window opened and William “Rick Ross” Roberts spoke. “Every plantation needs a correctional officer!”
Back at the cabin, Mike Huckabee watched from afar as Wayne LaPierre gave the arriving guests the clear to enter. The Maybach cars made their way to cabin’s porch as Mitch McConnell walked over to order Allen West out of the car and into the house to join Herman Cain with the chores. Then, McConnell ordered Rick Ross out of the Maybach. As the rapper approached McConnell, the senator quickly handed him a Broward County Jail Correctional officer uniform. Before Rick Ross could offer a thanks, he was greeted by Mitch McConnell then handing him a plate of pickled pig tongue and BBQ squirrel rectum, with a can of Pepsi to wash it down.
Rick Ross looked at the cabin, while holding his plate of food, and said “I’m happy to be home! They’re trying to kill me out there.”
Who do you think will be the next guest to check into Uncle Tom’s Cabin? Find out when HSK continues coverage of the shindig, Monday…