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Uncle Tom’s Cabin Welcomes Rapping Correctional Officer To Plantation

February 7th, 2013

Rick Ross Checks into 2013 Cabin Retreat

Maybach Music’s Rick Ross Takes It Back To The 1800′s!

It’s the second at the cabin retreat…The plantation’s shindig has attracted Fox News faces and popular republican figures from all over the country, as they honor their 1865 America.

Senator Mitch McConnell is dressed like President James Madison, holding an M1 assault riffle as he speaks into the microphone. “Gather ’round folks! Before the Negroes arrive, I’ll like to say Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is going to space and I say he take his Muslim buddy Barack with him!” McConnell paused as the crowd rose to their feet to clap and cheer. McConnell then continued to speak to a growing crowd of raging republicans. “I’m the Cabin’s host this year and my friend – and yours – Vice President of the NRA Wayne LaPierre will be my go to guy if there’s any disturbance on these grounds.”

All of a sudden, Ann Coulter screamed from the crowd. “Who’s going to be your porch monkey house Negro this year, Mitch?” McConnell’s eyes searched the crowd before responding. “I asked America’s number one house Negro to take sometime off from his daily morning show to head down here to cater to our American beliefs!”

Mitch continued. “Ladies and gentlemen…I bring to you my porch monkey of 2013, Michael Strahan.” That’s when Michael Strahan appeared from the crowd and walked onto the stage – dressed like a 1809 runaway slave. The crowd cheered as members from the group were seen using their smart phones to snap a shot.

Suddenly, a voice coming through the plantation’s P.A. system filled the air. It was Fox news anchor Chris Wallace making an announcement. “There’s a celebrity Negro guest approaching the cabin’s grounds!” Wayne LaPierre immediately jumped up onto the stage, grabbed Michael Strahan and said, “Come on boy…we gotta a darkie to pick up.”

Mitch McConnell walked off stage and headed to the cabin’s kitchen to address Herman Cain. “Herman get a plate ready…one of your people are arriving.”

Meanwhile..Michael Strahan was peddling a bicycle taxi with Wayne LaPierre seated on the passenger seat, holding a armalite M16. LaPierre shouts, “Boy pull over at the plantation’s checkpoint and we’ll wait there for the guest.”

A roaring sound of car engines was heard, as twenty Maybach’s – toting Florida tags – headed towards the checkpoint. The Maybach cars pulled up to the plantation’s checkpoint, LaPierre addressed the first driver. “Roll down your window boy.” Once the window was down, Allen West’s face appeared inside the vehicle. West replied, “LaPierre I didn’t come alone, I brought every recording artist from Maybach music with me.” That’s when the back window opened and William “Rick Ross” Roberts spoke. “Every plantation needs a correctional officer!”

Back at the cabin, Mike Huckabee watched from afar as Wayne LaPierre gave the arriving guests the clear to enter. The Maybach cars made their way to cabin’s porch as Mitch McConnell walked over to order Allen West out of the car and into the house to join Herman Cain with the chores. Then, McConnell ordered Rick Ross out of the Maybach. As the rapper approached McConnell, the senator quickly handed him a Broward County Jail Correctional officer uniform. Before Rick Ross could offer a thanks, he was greeted by Mitch McConnell then handing him a plate of pickled pig tongue and BBQ squirrel rectum, with a can of Pepsi to wash it down.

Rick Ross looked at the cabin, while holding his plate of food, and said “I’m happy to be home! They’re trying to kill me out there.”

Who do you think will be the next guest to check into Uncle Tom’s Cabin? Find out when HSK continues coverage of the shindig, Monday…





19 Responses to “Uncle Tom’s Cabin Welcomes Rapping Correctional Officer To Plantation”

  1. The Spirit Of Ike Turner Who Now Inhabits Chris Brown |

    Mitch continued. “Ladies and gentlemen…I bring to you my porch money of 2013, Michael Strahan.” That’s when Michael Strahan appeared from the crowd and walked onto the stage – dressed like a 1809 runaway slave.<— BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

    [Reply]

  2. Tru.. |

    Lol…
    Let mike get his WHITE money..
    I ain’t mad at em, how many other NIGGA doing TV shows..

    [Reply]

  3. Keepitrealnotkeepinitreal |

    Ice T can reprise his role as nigger on the run from Surviving the Game. He wont even need a room.

    [Reply]

    ms black Reply:

    This wanna be white boy named ICE T will never reprise his role as a nigger on the run from Surviving the Game cause he faked being a true playa in the GAME! It was all for show and he used the gangsta/hood to do it! We are so tolerant of sell outs in the black community!They use the community(black) too come up and then they run like forrest gump too the white women!

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  4. Madraven |

    Shaunie o’neal and mona scott young come on down!!! These two must be the next guests at the cabin for continuing to portray women of color as neck rolling tongue clicking money grubbing high maintainance low living bisexual fake body part having two bit whores whose legs and lips are open to anyone with a bank card and a happy meal. Damn shame!!! And while we’re at it let’s throw nicki minaj in there for style jacking, whoring,hideous music, a voice that makes every dog in the neighborhood’s ears bleed and fuckery above and beyond the call of duty. AND if we’re going in like dj khaled we might as well go all the way-BEYONCE KNOWLES-Your room is ready!!! She needs to go in for her fake pregnancy, her lip synching at the second inauguration of the first black president, being married to a man who made song called niggas in paris,her last three albums,telling people her basic black ass was half french and for giving the same half naked, bootleg rosie perez choreographed, weave blowing in the wind performance at the super bowl she has been giving for the last 7 years if not more!!!! Now i am done.*end scene*

    [Reply]

    raineey Reply:

    all I can say is OK.

    [Reply]

    african_queen Reply:

    Tell us how you really feel

    [Reply]

    christa Reply:

    Hoooooo Mad! Tell it!

    [Reply]

    SugarPlum Reply:

    laughing so hard…

    [Reply]

  5. ms black |

    I nominate the following: KANYE WEST-Kardashian, LAMAR ODOM-KARDASHIAN,ICE-T, TIGER WOODs, TAYE DIGGS, , MiCHEAL EALY,Micheal Jordan, CHARLES BARKLEY,RUSSELL SIMMONS,JOHN LEGEND,(MORGAN FREEMAN)

    [Reply]

  6. NunYaBiz |

    Yo jacky is this uncle cabin shit real or you making fun of them rachect ass wanna be gangsta SellOut white ass kissing rappers

    [Reply]

  7. ms black |

    LMAO-She wants a break from Vince anyway! I love tamar but she knows she doesn’t want vince…They don’t seem natural at all. No affection or anything!

    [Reply]

    Madraven Reply:

    @ms black-And trust and believe vince wants a break from her! I don’t know why everyone is always dogging vince. There is nothing wrong with him. Yeah he’s big but so what-she knew that when she got with him. It isn’t like he was skinny and blew up so if her sadiddy ass wanted a skinny dude she should have got one from the beginning. My heart goes out to poor vince. That man has to go to bed at night with a woman who looks like the ghost of christmas yet to come. And you know when he wakes up he has to hold a mirror under her nose to see if she’s alive cause she looks like a damn corpse!!! And it ain’t hard to see she is crazy not regular crazy halle berry crazy. You know that kind of crazy that women like her and halle hide. They are all sunshine and rainbows until they get you locked in and then one day they transform like a deranged megatron into the bwana devil from hell. And you men spend the remainder of the relationship wondering what happened to the once sweet woman you no longer recognize. So don’t cry for tamar cause everyday vince goes down in his basement and puts on natalie cole’s i’m catching hell and wonders how he married the craziest(if that’s possible) braxton sister.*sinclair voice-woo woo woo woo woo woo.*

    [Reply]

    ms black Reply:

    @Madraven LMAO at your reply! Too funny! I don’t feel sorry for Tamar at all while I love them both, I just don’t think their marriage is real! Such a disconnect on camera and maybe it is for the camera not sure.Vince is no push over he makes that very clear..I just don’t think Tamar would have given vince a moment to breathe on her if he wasnt hella rich.

    [Reply]

    Madraven Reply:

    @ms black-But of course! But tamar is like most BWs(basic women) who are only going to be with a man for what he has. Truthfully vince knows this too and he merely looks at the marriage as a business arrangement. He gets booty and she got a ring but he will only take but so much off of her considering. Unfortunately many men and women look at marriage that way these days. Just goes to show you how much marriage is worth to some folks. Sad really.

    [Reply]

  8. WOW! |

    That bum Mandeeces got acquitted. Like i said previously, every dog has his day. And lets c what happeneds in the fed case. Smh.

    [Reply]

  9. Girl under fire |

    I think Puffy may want to revisit.

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  10. Girl under fire |

    One last thing, I live for the comments on these topics. I mean…which is best , the article or the comments ?
    These comments have me rolling on the ground, laughing so hard, I feel as though I were going to pass out.
    These comments will make you laugh so hard, your eye makeup will come off!

    [Reply]

  11. Girl under fire |

    Oh lawd … I just re-read the article and I just about killed myself laughing !
    No Jacky did not pull the words ” porch monkey ” out!!!
    Oh lawd… I can’t even type because I am laughing so hard I m crying.
    Oh lawd…

    [Reply]

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