Who am I?
I am in deep trouble with the feds and about to go to the big house – which will force me to resign from my recently re-elected to job and forfeit my pension. My famous father may be ashamed of me for my transgressions, but he’s probably proud I have carried on the family traditions of infidelity and extortion of powerful people.
Many feel sorry for my wife – who is a local politician – but she is not-so-secretly banging my old buddy, most likely to get my old job. That’s why people should really feel sorry for me — After all, I’m faking depression to generate sympathy from the authorities. Let’s face it, old white dudes been playing this game for years — so I hope it works for me.
I want them to send me to the psych ward. Know why? Because if Bubba finds out me and my mulatto wife been living as swingers I’m gon’ become a cum dumpster for promiscuous men, ass bandits and penis procurers on the cell block D. All cause I bought my jump-off a $40,000 Rolex and used some of my jobs’ funds to decorate my crib, oh, and I tried to buy Obama’s vacant Senate seat too.
It’s all my fault. I turned her on to the swinger lifestyle – thinking I could get some extra trim. Shit, that girl sucking and f*cking everybody. Girls, boys, you name it. I can’t turn the faucet off now. It’s going be all stretched out by the time I get back. Damn.